The End
by authorzed
Summary: Begins 5x04 The End. Blake Hudson finds Camp CHITAQUA after a search for human life during the apocalypse. There she meets Dean Winchester and slowly learns about his dark past and her chilling destiny.
1. Chapter 1: Survival of the Fittest

The thought occurs to me to give up. It occurs about every 10 minutes or so, but as I trudge through 470 miles of forest from Kansas City to the Niobrara River with little faith and exhausted legs, it's almost peaceful enough to make me forget about what's happening in the city. I've been walking for almost three weeks looking for sane people. I walk around perimeters of towns and they have been proven to have no life except for those who have lost their minds. The people have become monsters for no obvious reason other than it looks as if hell has frozen over. They are savage and kill any living creature they can find. The thing that surprises me is that they don't kill each other. They travel in groups most of the time but there is the odd lone wolf. When people started turning into murderous blood-thirsty animals, the people who were still mentally human made the theory of a zombie apocalypse. And it made sense, except these monsters weren't dead. They were very much alive. There was no physical change such as decaying or incapability of walking normally in the people. That led me to think that maybe everyone just went crazy but my theory was proven wrong when I had to ask myself why I wasn't crazy yet. And that scared me because I could turn into one of them any minute. But there was a feeling in my gut that if I had survived this long, I would make it to the end.

After a few months of my great expedition to find human life which failed tremendously, I took my map and decided I was going to walk into the state of Nebraska, all the way up to the Niobrara River, where I would live in the wilderness, by myself, away from all of the crazy people. My plan is to live in an old family cabin that was built before my time and stay there for a few years and then maybe walk back to the city to see if the murderous rage that has possessed everyone I knew has blown over and things are back to normal. Maybe I could find my dad again. Because as of right now, I am no longer anyone's sister or daughter. I'm on my own in this. I can no longer be the weak or sad little girl I once was. I have to be strong, for my own sake.

I look up at an old American Sycamore tree that shades me from the grey sky and I take a deep breath. Everything seems to be grey now. The sun shines sometimes but it only comes out often enough to keep the grass alive. I thought a 468 mile hike to Nebraska would give me closure, but in all honesty, the ghost of my past followed me all the way to where I stand now and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to lose it. It's beginning to get dark and I need a place to sleep. I exhale and look down at me feet. A grey stone, about the size of my palm rests in the fallen leaves of the tree. I kick the rock forward and I watch it roll across the ground until it abruptly stops when it hits something. Whatever it hit quickly snaps, causing the sound of metal rubbing up against metal. I raise an eyebrow and approach it slowly. I reach my mystery object and i crouch down and brush the leaves off of it. It's a bear trap. "What the hell," i say to myself. I stand up quickly and look around. We don't have bears in Nebraska or Kansas so what the hell is this thing doing here? I begin to look around me. For all I know I could be surrounded by traps. I retrace my steps back to the place I stopped and I pick up a fallen branch. Maybe there's someone out here, trying to protect themselves. I pick my bag up. This is the best lead I've had in almost a year. I have to keep going.

I've been waving my tree branch across the ground in front of me for almost five hours now and I've found ten more bear traps. In the first hour I only found one but as I carried on, I began to find them more frequently. Someone is trying to hide. They are putting up a line of defence to protect themselves. I refuse to believe it is anything else. I need this hope. My branch hits another trap and it snaps shut. It is then that I look up and see a small light in the distance. According to my map, there is no town for another hundred miles. I walk in the direction of the light for about 10 minutes, finding thirteen more bear traps until I start to be cautious. What if it's a big camp of the crazies and I'm setting myself up for death? I stop and look behind me. I can't go back, I could find people that aren't insane. The only thing that bothers me is that I won't be able to tell until I talk to one. If they are crazy, they will charge at me if they see me, and if they aren't crazy, they'll still charge at me because they'll think I'm one of the crazies. I hide behind trees and slowly move closer towards the light. The bear traps continue to snap and I start to get afraid that someone is going to hear them. I get close enough to see where the light is coming from. There's a light beaming down from the top of a 15 foot tall pole. I move in closer and I see a fence in front of me. It's about ten feet tall and the top of it is covered in barbed wire. I sigh and move closer to the fence. A sign reads CAMP CHITAQUA. I look through the fence and I see men with guns walking around in silence. There are cabins in rows and a couple larger buildings. I haven't quite figured out yet if this is a good or bad sign. I take a deep breath and as quietly as I can, I take my pack off and unzip it. I grab my gun and and a pair of heavy duty bolt cutters. I place my gun in the back of my pants and I begin to cut the fence in a right angle. As I cut the fence I accidentally snap a branch. The sound ripples through the woods. I gasp and a guard stops and looks over in my direction. I quickly swing my body behind a nearby tree and I hold my hand over my mouth. I hear nothing for a while and then I slowly look over my shoulder. The guard is gone. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

I ditch my pack by the tree I was hiding behind and I crawl through the fence. I grab my gun and I place it up to my chest as I hide behind a tree. I glance over my shoulder and I see a man walk out of a cabin to my right. This is my chance. I move quickly through the shadows the trees provide me and I make it to the mans cabin. I look around. No one is looking my way. I straighten myself and casually walk into the unlocked cabin without being noticed. I look around inside. And I'm about to open the door to another room when I hear footsteps walking up the stairs to the cabin. I run into the room and I close the door behind me just as the man opens the front door. I breathe quickly as I panick. I feel a drop of sweat crawl down my back. I can hear him getting closer. It's pitch black in the room. I turn and point my gun right to where his temple would be if he walked in right now. I hear the door handle turn and the man turns on the light and I press the gun to his head. He freezes but he looks more pissed off than frightened. Sweat drips from my forehead.

"What are you? Are you human," I demand.

"As far as I know," he says in a deep voice and a straight face.

"What is this place and what happened to everyone."

He shifts his eyes over to me and press the gun harder into his head. He quickly looks away. "Who are you," he asks angrily.

"Wouldn't you like to know," I say harshly.

"I don't want to hurt you," he says warningly. "No, I don't want to hurt you."

He scoffs a little and gives a snarky nod with a straight face. Then he grabs my arm and twists it in less than a second and I drop my gun. He slams me to the ground. Then he gets on top of me and pins me down. He grabs my gun and points it at my chest as I am still recovering from my body slam. I cough and look up at him. He has green eyes and short light brown hair. I am out of breath and out of options.

"I told you; I didn't want to hurt you."

I yank on the ladder he has handcuffed one of my arms to. I give the man a death stare as he cleans his gun in front of me.

"What's your name," he asks me calmly.

I squint my eyes at him. "Where am I," I ask.

He raises his eyebrows and looks around. "My cabin," he says like I'm an idiot.

I roll my eyes. "Listen, I've been walking for the past three weeks. I haven't seen another sane person in almost a year. And then I get here and you go all UFC on me and chain me up to a ladder. If I add all that up together, it makes a pretty shitty day, don't you think? So maybe you could cut me a little slack."

He stops cleaning his gun and he looks me in the eye. "You know what, you're the one who waltzed in here like an idiot and held a gun up to my head instead of just saying 'hey I'm not a Croat so could you let me in?'. Why don't you give me one good reason why I shouldn't gank you right here and now?"

I stare blankly at him for a second. "What the hell is a Croat," I ask.

He slowly shakes his head. "Wow you really are out of it. Are you sure you didn't hit your head on your little hike?" I squint at him. "Ha ha that's very funny."

He stares at me and then quickly nods. "A Croat, uh, Croatoan," he says. I raise my eyebrows, still not understanding. He sighs.

"The virus, Croatoan. Makes everyone go kill crazy."

My eyes widen. "It's a virus?"

He nods. "You've got a lot to learn."

"Well I am handcuffed to a ladder, so why don't we make the most of it and you fill me in."

He debates it for a second and then he nods. "Okay, fine. Croatoan. It's a blood-borne virus. Demonic in origin. It's efficient, it's incurable, and it's scary as hell. Turns people into monsters. Started hitting the major cities about two years ago. World really went in the crapper after that."

My mind stumbles a little. "Demonic?"

"Ya as in demon."

I bite the inside of my cheek. "You're crazy," I say.

"True story actually. Demons are real." He looks up at the clock. "Well this has been fun, but I've gotta run."

I widen my eyes. "Where are you going," I ask.

"Ive got to run an errand."

"Whoa. You're just gonna leave me here?"

"Yes. Ive got a camp full of twitchy trauma survivors out there with an apocalypse hanging over their head. The last thing they need to know is that someone got past all the bear traps and broke in. Which you will inform me on how you managed that when I get back . But, yeah, you stay locked down."

What if he's a psychopath? What have I gotten myself into. He's going to keep me locked up in here and he's going to cut me up or use me as a sex slave.

"Okay. All right. Fine. But you don't have to cuff me. Oh, come on. You don't trust me," I ask.

He frowns at me. "No. Absolutely not." He opens the door and is about to leave. "I never did get your name," he says.

I smile sarcastically. "Oh, I'm sorry, my name is go screw yourself," I say as sarcasm cotes my words.

He nods. "Alright then." He closes the door behind him and I'm left alone. "Dick."

I dig my nail into the little pit I've made in the floor from prying out the wood of the floorboard. I've finally pulled off enough wood to grab the nail. I wrap my thumb and index finger around it and I use all my strength to pull it out of the ground. Once I have it, I stick it in my handcuff and I unlock myself. It's late afternoon now and I figure that some of the people out there might be willing to tell me where the hell I am and what the hell happened to everyone. I walk out of the cabin just as a jeep pulls up. Four soldiers jump out. One of them is the green eyed man who locked me in his cabin.

"Shit," I say to myself and just as I'm about to turn around, I see the man toss a soldier a beer and they drink and the green eyed man who's cabin I was stuck in draws his gun and points it at that soldier. My eyes widen and I begin to run. "Hey. Hey! Watch out," I yell, but it's too late.

The green eyed man shoots the soldier and the others turn around and look at me in confusion. The green eyed man turns around and sees me.

"Damn it," he says.

I turn and run but I can hear him catch up to me. He jumps on me and knocks me to the ground. He gets up and grabs my arm.

"Get up," he says angrily. He yanks me up to my feet and makes me walk back to his cabin.

The man opens the door and shoves me inside and then slams the door behind him.

"What the hell was that," he yells at me.

"What the hell was that? You just shot a guy in cold blood," I yell.

"We were in an open quarantine zone. Got ambushed by some Croats on the way out."

I frown and breathe heavily.

"Croats. Croatoans. One of them infected Yeager."

"How do you know?"

He squints at me for a second. "'Cause after a few years of this, I know. I started seeing symptoms about a half an hour ago. Wasn't gonna be long before he flipped. I didn't see the point in troubling a good man with bad news."

I shake my head. "'Troubling a good man'? You just blew him away in front of your own people. Don't you think that freaked them out a little bit?"

His face gets more serious. "It's 2014. Plugging some Croat, it's called commonplace."

I cross my arms. He sighs and rubs his hand over his face.

"Okay look, I don't think you're much of a threat so it's almost dinner in the dinning hall and I guess if you're here you might as well stay," he says. He holds his hand out. "My name is Dean Winchester and I would love to know yours." I glance at him.

"I'm Blake. Blake Hudson."

He nods. "Alright, Blake. That's a very pretty name. Why don't you say we go introduce you to the camp?" I nod and he opens the door for me and I walk back outside.

I stand beside Dean in front of everyone. There has to be about 400 people here. They all talk and laugh and some stare at me. Dean gets there attention and he begins.

"Good morning everyone. Uh, we have a new member to the camp. This is Blake Hudson everyone. She's from uh, uh," he looks over at me.

"Kansas," I say.

He raises his eyebrows. "Hm, very nice," he says to me. "She's from Kansas. Please welcome her and make her feel at home."

He nods to the crowd and they clap as I follow him. A man with shaggy hair and bright blue eyes walks up to us.

"Blake, I would like you to meet Castiel," Dean says with a reluctancy in his voice.

I smile and he smiles back. "It's a pleasure," Castiel says. He grabs my hand and kisses it. Dean clears his throat. Castiel doesn't even acknowledge him.

"It's Blake right," Castiel asks. I nod and smile. "It's a beautiful name. It means 'dark meadow'," he says. I smile and laugh a little.

"Okay, thank you Cas. Moving on." Castiel smiles as Dean guides me past him. Another man walks up to me.

"Hello Blake." He shakes my hand. "My name is Chuck and I will be assigning you your cabin and giving you your clothes and toiletries and such." I nod. He acknowledges Dean with his eyes and a slight nod of his head. "Thank you, it's nice to meet you," I say with a smile.

I catch Dean watching me from the corner of his eye. I hold my chin up and I see him look away and grin.

Dean leads me towards the lady giving out the food. He hands me a plate and I walk up to the lady. She smiles at me.

"It's nice to see a fresh face."

I smile, faltered. "Thank you. It's nice to actually see a face."

She smiles and hands me a piece of bread and a bowl of some type of stew. "Thank you," I say and then I wait for Dean.

I follow him to a table where I sit down across from Castiel and Dean sits beside me. Chuck sits down beside Castiel.

"Dean, you got a sec," Chuck asks. Dean nods as he shoves stew into his mouth. "So, uh, listen, we're pretty good on canned goods for now, but we're down to next to nothing on perishables and—and hygiene supplies. People are not gonna be happy about this. So, what do you think we should do?"

Dean hesitates for a second. "I'll get some guys to go out. We will see what we can find."

Chuck sighs in relief. "Great." I rip off pieces of bread and place them in my mouth.

Castiel shoves a spoonful of stew in his mouth and looks up at me and smiles. "So where did you come from, Blake?"

"Um, I grew up in Kansas."

Castiel nods in fascination. "And how did you end up here?"

"Um I walked," I say.

His eyes widen. "You walked?"

I nod.

"All the way from Kansas?"

I smile. "Yep," I say.

He huffs. "Holy shit. You must be exhausted!"

I laugh. "A little bit."

He shakes his head in awe. "All by yourself too," he says.

I stare at him. I bite the inside of my lip. I didn't start by myself. I blink a few times. "Yeah, yeah. By myself."

Castiel smiles and nods and so does Chuck. Dean just rolls his eyes at them. Castiel sees it.

"Sorry that Dean is the one you had to meet first. He's not much fun anymore," Castiel starts.

He leans closer to me and I lean in as well. He blocks Deans view of his mouth with his hand and he whispers, "He has a pretty big stick up his ass."

Dean stares at Cas annoyed. "You whisper with a blow horn, Cas," he says.

I laugh a little and Castiel winks at me. Dean looks at the two of us in disapproval.

"Okay so, here are your clothes. You get two pairs of shorts and three pairs of pants, a jacket, two long sleeved shirts, a wool sweater, and three t-shirts. And then you can let Cindy, the one who makes us our clothes to help you with your undergarments and whatnot," Chuck says. He places my clothes in a basket. "And here is a pillow, a set of sheets and a wool blanket." He places those in my basket. "And here is a bar of soap, a towel, toothbrush and toothpaste, and a knife." I nod.

"Thanks Chuck." He nods.

I open the door to my very own cabin. It has a table with two chairs, and one cabinet. There are two closed doors. One is to my bedroom and the other is one with a toilet and a tiny sink. I start in the bedroom and I make my bed with the sheets. There is a tiny wooden cabinet with a mirror on top, where I place all of my new clothes. I hear a knock on the door. I open it. It's Dean. He's holding my pack.

"May I come in?"

I nod. "Yeah, come on in."

He steps in. "I'm guessing this is yours?"

I nod. He hands it to me.

"I'm going to need you to unpack so I can see if you have anything we could possibly use around here." He glances around and stands uncomfortably, like he doesn't want to be here at all. His face is expressionless and he has a natural mad look in his eyes.

I untie my bag and pull out a tarp. "This thing has seen better days," I say.

He stands impatiently and watches me unpack. I pull out a water purifier, a change of clothes, compressed bags of non perishable food items, a map, a compass, a watch, a wad of cash, a pocket knife, and some hair ties. I flip my bag over and shake it to make sure there's nothing left in it, but a small square picture floats to the ground and Dean grabs it before I can.

"Uh, that's nothing, it's um..."

He glances at it and hands it back with a look on his face that says 'I don't really care'. Or maybe that's just how he always looks.

"I didn't come here to chat," he says coldly.

I straighten up. He licks his bottom lip and bites it for a second. He taps his hand on the table as he stares at me for a second and then he stands up. He raises his eyebrows and stares awkwardly. We stare at each other in an awkward silence and then he looks down.

"Alright uh, I'm gonna go."

"Bye," I say sourly.

He doesn't acknowledge it. He walks out the door and closes it a little harder than necessary. I raise my eyebrows. "What the hell is his problem," I say to myself.

I grab the picture that fell earlier and I examine it. It's a photo of my family and I. I flip it over. The back of the card reads "1998, Grand Canyon". Seeing photos of them makes everything inside me hurt. It makes me want to scream or cry or punch something but I put the photo down without incident. I'm too young to have so many ghosts. All my memories of them are now my enemies because every time I think about what happened to them, I can't stand myself. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. And it makes me so mad knowing that maybe if I had taken a different step one day or said something different or chosen a different path, they would all still be here. And I can't stand myself or the circumstances or the everlasting aftershock. I need to take a walk. I need to breathe the air. I need to get out of my mind for a while. So I grab my boots and I open the door. Some cabins still have their lights on.

I walk all the way to the dinning hall. As I walk up the steps, I can hear voices. I open the door and I see a group of people, including Castiel, Chuck, Dean and a woman. They all look at me.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-," I start.

"No, please, come in," Castiel says with a smile.

I smile, unsure and then I slowly walk in. Dean turns away and begins talking again. I stand beside Castiel.

"What's up," he whispers to me.

"Nothing, I just wanted to go for a walk... Um, what are you guys talking about," I ask.

"Mission," he says.

"What kind of mission?"

"Food, supplies, etcetera."

I nod. I can't deny I'm interested. I could fight for what's left of us and maybe redeem myself for the ones I couldn't save. It's a good idea.

"What do you have to do to get in on it," I ask.

Castiel looks at me and smiles. Dean stops talking and he looks at us.

"Am I boring you," he asks Castiel and I.

Castiel nods but I have things I want to ask.

"I want in," I blurt out.

Dean stares at me as if he thinks I'm kidding. "No, no way," he says.

"You know, she survived a year by herself, outside the walls without dying. Plus she knows the terrain, I mean the girl did walk it for christ sakes. I think she'd be good to have on the team," Castiel says.

I smile at him and then at Dean.

Dean just frowns. "No."

"Why not," I ask.

"Because I don't know if you know how to use a gun, I don't know how good your combat skills are and I don't think you know what you are getting yourself into. And because I said so."


	2. Chapter 2: The Boss

Chapter 2: The Boss

I open my drawer and grab out a pair of khaki army green pants and a grey shirt that's colours have been warn down to a lighter version at the hems. I throw my hair up into a pony tail and I look in the mirror. By body is lean and the bones on my face are defined with the lack of food I had in my pack in a matter of three weeks. It's a good thing I made it here when I did because my small daily portions would have only lasted a week more at the most. Then I'd be stuck trying to find animals to feed on and animals are scarce enough as it is. I know how to set up a trap but it would take too much time. I was running low on food and energy and I needed to make it to the cabin. When I was younger, my father took my brother and I on a fishing trip to the cabin. I only caught one rainbow trout, where as my brother caught several. My dad was so proud of him that day. And I could not help but be proud of him too. He was my little brother, I was always proud of him. He was such a good kid. He was nice and smart and athletic. He was good at everything he did. People were mesmerized by him, me included. There was something in the way he carried himself. He hurts the most. He holds the deepest grief and pain inside me. I just couldn't save him in time. He was far too young to die. I would trade spots with him in a heartbeat. It should have been me, not him. He didn't deserve to die. He was only 16. God, it should have been me.

I walk to Castiel's cabin and I walk through a curtain of beads and then I knock on his door. He opens it in a matter of seconds.

"Blake," he yells happily. "Come in!"

I walk in.

"So what brings you here?"

I tap my nails on the table. "How do I impress Dean," I ask. "I want to go out, you know. Fight for the people I've lost, and save the people I can. I want to mean something, contribute to the camp."

He nods. "Do you have a gun," he asks. I nod. "Well you see, Dean usually goes out to this little place just outside of camp and he shoots a few cans to blow off steam or whatever. He says it gives him peace or something, I don't know. But he should be there in about an hour. So if we go there, you can start shooting and then he'll show up and all you have to do is get a few bullseyes. Assuming that you can do that of course."

I smile. This might actually work. "Castiel, you're a genius," I say. He smiles. "So I've been told."

I load my gun and point it at the target. I breathe in and shoot as I exhale. The bullet knocks the can off the log. I shoot the next three off as well. Castiel smiles.

"Wow, you're not too bad actually."

I smile at him. "I'll hit this one with my eyes closed," I say daringly.

He laughs at me. "Go for it!"

I look at the can and aim the gun, then I cover my eyes and shoot. I hear the can get hit. Castiel begins to clap. I turn around to find that Dean is the one clapping.

"Very impressive," Dean says.

I curtsy. "Thank you."

His mouth moves into a position just shy of a smile. "So what is it you want," he asks. "Because I know that Cas knows I come out here at this time. And I know that you want something from me. So what is it?"

He's good. He's really good. "I want to go on missions with you."

He stares at me for a second. "You're going to have to do much better than getting a lucky shot on a pop can to convince me. But A for effort." He smiles and then pats Castiel on the back and walks away.

I approach my cabin and as it comes into view, I see a girl at my doorstep. She looks in the window and then knocks on the door again.

"Hello," I say, questionly.

She turns around, surprised. "Hi! Uh sorry, I just uh, I um," I stand in front of her and she holds her hand out. I shake it in confusion. "I'm Adeline. Everyone calls me Ade though."

I nod. She lets go of my hand and we stand in awkward silence for a good ten seconds. "Sorry, I just wanted to meet you. Everyone is talking about you. The girl that walked all the way from Kansas City."

I smile, flattered. "I'm Blake," I say.

She nods. "I know. I just thought you could maybe use a friend around here. Uh, I'm having a get together with some friends of mine tonight and we would be happy to have you."

I chuckle a little. It's been so long since I've seen a friendly face. It's refreshing. "Are you sure," I ask.

She grins. "You are more than welcome."

I nod. "Okay, I'll be there."

She widens her smile and eyes. "Great! Cabin 286. See you tonight!" She practically skips off in joy and pleasure I almost laugh at her.

"Mission training isn't too bad if you can shoot a target and bring a guy down but Dean hand picks them so it may be a little harder for you."

Castiel asked me to come over because he had a new plan. I like that Castiel likes me. It makes me happy. There's something about him, like he is something specail.

"Why does Dean hate me so much," I ask.

"I don't think he hates you. To be honest I think he adores you."

I burst into a laugh. Castiel smiles at my reaction.

"What," he giggles. "Here's the thing about Dean, if he likes you, he hides it as best as possible. He doesn't want any weaknesses or anything to hold him back. He tried that once and it ended in his brother becoming Satan so..."

I frown and shake my head. "What? Where is his brother? He has a brother? And why is his brother Satan?" I laugh a little at the thought.

Castiel stares at me in confusion. "Wait a second, whoa, you don't, you didn't-", he shakes his head and stares at me in awe. I widen my eyes for an explanation. He stands up straight and laughs and runs his fingers through his hair. "Oh my god this is hilarious, we-we need to get Dean in here." He runs to the door and yells, "Dean!" at the top of his lungs. In seconds Dean is at the door and Castiel brings him in.

"What, what's wrong," Dean asks, alert.

Castiel laughs and puts his hands on my shoulders. "Blake doesn't know anything. Nothing. Not about hell or demons or Lucifer rising or the apocalypse or Croats or the virus, nothing."

What the hell is going on.

Dean looks at me in surprise. "Nothing," he asks me.

I shake my head. "What the hell are you guys talking about," I ask.

Dean sits down on the chair across from me. "Okay, first things first. Demons are real. Lucifer is real, God is real, Angels are real. For a matter of fact, Castiel is an angel."

I look over at Castiel and he smiles and nods with excitement.

"You wanna know what happened to the world? Hell. Lucifer rose and he brought the apocalypse with him. This virus is called Croatoan. It infects people and makes them want to kill people. Cas, you tell her about it."

Castiel smiles at me. "In July of 1587, colonist George Howe is found dead. Howe was attacked by members of the neighboring Roanoke nation, whom Governor Lane had harassed in 1585. When describing the bloody scene, Governor John White commented that the Indians had "beat his head to pieces," shot him with sixteen arrows, and assaulted him with clubs. This attack came as no real surprise to the governor, who was aware that the tactics of his predecessor might have generated a sense of injustice among neighboring Indian nations. Knowing of the peaceful nature of Croatoan people, the governor quickly dispatched representatives. The Croatoan were an Algonquian people who populated the islands on the outer banks of North Carolina—just south of Roanoke. Roanoke was one of the first English colonies in America. Late 1500s. The embassy succeeds in renewing the old love that was between the tribe and the colonists. White accompianied the Roanoke delegation and promised the Indians that the colonists had no intention of taking over Croatoan territory and did not represent a threat to their existence. Simply put, the governor wanted to let the people of Croatoan know that the colonists wished to live with them as brethren and friends.

Governor White left Roanoke in August of 1587, for England, in search of supplies and a possible relief effort should evacuation become a necessity. Before leaving his post, the governor instructed the colonists to leave him a sign should they feel the need to remove themselves from the region under any circumstance. He instructed them to place a cross on a tree as an indicator that they were in distress and their evacuation was necessary for their survival. This would give the governor some intimation as to the colony's status and assist him in locating them. It would be the last message he would give, and the last time he would see the colonists.

In 1590, Governor White returned to Roanoke Island. There he found that all of the buildings were in disrepair or had been carefully dismantled. There was no sign of fighting. No sign that the colonists were abruptly carried away by natural or unnatural forces. There was no cross. Only 8 simple letters, C-R-O-A-T-O-A-N, that shall forever be a mystery to all who hear it.

White took the letters to mean that the settlers had moved to Croatoan Island some 50 miles away. But, he was unable to search Croatoan Island because a hurricane hit the outer banks of North Carolina and blew his fleet to sea. After the storm abated, the fleet was low on provisions and decided to return to England. He made a second attempt months later, but that vessel was also turned back due to bad weather. No trace of the settlers was ever found.

In 1597, the English government officially declared the colony of Roanoke… lost. There were theories. Indian raid, disease, but nobody knows what really happened. They were all just gone. Wiped out over night.

But Dean's dad kept a journal. You see he hunted monsters and a while ago, Dean found something about the Roanoke Colony. His Dad always had a theory about Croatoan. He thought it was a demon's name. Sometimes know as Daeva or Reshef, the demon of plague and pestilence. Reshef is a demon that was first mentioned in the bible "Plague went before him; Reshef followed his steps." In most translations though Reshef has come to be translated as 'pestilence' due to the parallelism to the line that comes before it.

Now, what really happened is that Reshef took a little visit to the island. He poisoned all the people with the Croatoan Virus and they all killed each other, except for one. One of them lived. It was named Croatoan because the first person to be infected was one of the Craotoan Tribes poeple. Reshef took all the bodies and buried them all across the land and by the time someone actually got there, the hurricane had covered everything up. Then the one man who was left with the virus was hidden away until a few years ago in a little town where it infected all the people.

Dean, tell her about the virus since you're so good at it."

I look over at Dean. He fake smiles at me.

"The virus was initially used in River Grove, Oregon in 2006, a small town with around 30-50 residents give or take. The release of the virus in River Grove was a sick test drive, to find out the effects the infection would have on humans. The entire town, except three people, were either killed off or mysteriously vanished by the end of the outbreak. My brother and I tried to protect them, but we weren't so successful. The second time the virus popped up was a widespread pandemic released by Lucifer in 2012. And now, most of what used to be the largest cities in the US are left empty and in ruins, the only residents the few infected left alive. The outbreak was so powerful, President Palin ordered the bombing of Houston, Texas following the first signs of infection in that area. Mostly every city is guarded by the military with orders to shoot on sight with the notion that anything left moving inside the quarantined areas must be infected and killed before it has a chance to escape.

The virus is considered "demonic germ warfare", leaves traces of sulfur in the blood of the people infected. One becomes infected by either direct exposure or from getting infected blood in an open wound. Within three hours of being exposed to the virus, the people infected will begin to show symptoms, which include enhanced speed and strength. The longer the infection is in the blood, the stronger and faster they become, making them more difficult to kill. Croats try and find anything living to kill. Croats are mindless and extremely violent, with one goal and one goal only: to infect everyone and wipe humanity off the planet. The only cure is a bullet to the head."

I stare at them in awe. It makes sense. They carry on to tell me about demons and angels and Lucifer rising. I can only imagine how many people they've lost. How many people that they loved... That's why I don't share my story very often. Everyone has a sob story. Mine is probably minor compared to the things they've been through.

"Someone said you were going to Adeline's tonight," Castiel says to me.

I nod. "Yeah, why?"

He raises his eyebrows. "Have fun," he says with a laugh. Dean smirks a little too.

I walk up to Adeline's cabin and I can hear people inside. I knock on the door with uncertainty of why I'm actually showing up to this thing. Adeline opens the door.

"Blake," she squeals.

I try and look positive but I don't know if it's working. She hugs me and shakes me around a little bit. She has hazel eyes and red hair. She's tall and slim and she wears baggy clothes. She's wearing a crucifix. What have I gotten myself into.

"Come on in," she says.

I walk into the cabin and I look around. There is a bible on the table and a small wooden cross on the wall. I don't even want to ask about it. I don't want to bring the subject up at all. It's sickening. How do they still praise God with all the shit he's putting us through.

"Come sit," someone yells from across the room.

There's about ten people in this cabin and they are all wearing crucifixes. I resentfully sit down. They all smile at me.

"So, you walked all the way from Kansas, eh," a plump man asks. I think he's canadian.

I nod. "Yeah, Kansas City."

He smiles. "I'm Edward Gillman, nice to meet you." He holds his hand out and I politely shake it.

"So why Nebraska? Where were you headed," a middle aged woman asks me.

"My family had a cabin by the Niobrara River. I was going to go there and live by myself."

They all smile and nod and drink wine. "That is just so wonderful. Inspirational, really! I think God has a plan for you. You must have an angel on your shoulder, watching out for you. He protected you so that you could find us. Pray with me."

They all bow their heads, close their eyes, and hold hands. I look around as they begin praying in synch. I quietly grab someone's glass of wine and down it. Then I bow my head as well and wait for it to be over. This reminds me of church. My family used to go every Sunday. That was a long time ago though. I used to sing in the choir and play the piano for everyone. It's all but a memory now.

"Now, everything happens for a reason. It's all a very complicated thing to understand but God works in mysterious ways," a woman named Eliza tells me. She opens her mouth to continue but there's a knock on the door.

I sigh on the inside in relief. The woman opens the door and Dean is standing there. Everyone smiles and greats him.

"I came to get Blake," he says.

Hallelujah.

I stand up. "Sorry, I guess I have to go," I say. "Thank you so much for having me!"

Everyone waves me goodbye and I follow Dean out the door. We walk down the steps and into the darkness. He puts his hands in his pockets.

"I thought I would come save you," he says.

"Why did you think I needed saving," I ask calmly.

He shrugs. "You don't seem like that kinda girl."

I look over at him as we walk. "What kind of girl do I seem like, Dean Winchester?" I look over at him playfully.

"One with common sense and the capability of ditching her beliefs when she doesn't believe in them anymore. That's why I came and got you."

I nod. "Well thank you, because I was about to drink all their wine."

He smiles a little. "I'm headed to the bar if you want to meet some real people," he says in a suggesting tone.

"I would love to," I say.

I walk into the bar just as 'Back in Black' by AC/DC comes on the jukebox in the corner of the room. A few people look over at us. They nod at Dean and some just eye me up. Dean guides me to the bar and we sit on a stool beside each other.

"Two moonshines please," Dean says.

I've never even had moonshine and I'm pretty sure it's illegal. The bartender hands us each a glass. The man looks old. Maybe in his late fifties early sixties. He has a short grey beard and light blue eyes. I stare down at the glass.

Dean holds his up. "Cheers."

I grab mine and clink glasses with him and then I take a sip. It burns in my mouth. I don't want to swallow it but I can't spit it out. Dean needs to know I'm not weak. It's getting worse. It's just sitting in my mouth. I don't know what to do. My tongue is going to fall off. It's going to burn holes in my mouth. Dean looks over at me and I swallow. It tastes like liquid fire in my throat. I hold back a cough and the bartender washes his glasses and looks up at me in amusement.

"How does it taste," he asks.

Dean looks over at me.

"Like kerosene," I say bitterly.

They laugh.

"I'm surprised you swallowed it! Dean here spit it out his first try," the bartender says with a chuckle.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. It's pretty strong," Dean says in his defence.

"Strongest in all of America, I've been told. That stuff there is 97 years old. I keep a bottle for Dean under the cabinet," he says with a wink. "The names Jack." He holds his hand out and I shake it.

"Blake Hudson," I say.

He nods and begins to dry glasses again. "The girl who walked all the way from Kansas," he says.

I nod and smile a little.

"How'd you manage that by yourself?"

"I can shoot a gun," I say.

He chuckles. "Where'd you learn that? You seem pretty young," Jack says.

"You pick up on it pretty quick when you've got a pack of Croats running at you."

They smile and nod.

"I can drink to that," Dean says.

He raises his glass to his lips and I know I have to do the same. I hold my breath and I swallow it as quick as possible this time. I cough once after and then I think about how this is how drinking drain washing fluid would taste. Jack begins staking cups and leaves Dean and I to ourselves. I swirl the drink around in my cup.

"You know, it wasn't a lucky shot today," I say.

Dean glances over at me.

"Why won't you just give me a chance?"

He takes a sip of his drink. "Because you're a good person, Blake. Good people have people who care about them and wouldn't want to see you get hurt. And you know what happens to good people in this world? They get screwed over and they get killed. And then I'm left with that over my shoulder."

I take a sip of moonshine out of my own will. "I'm not a good person, Dean. Not anymore anyways," I say without eye contact.

"I know how you feel," he scoffs. "If you want to go out and risk your life, fine. But I'll have you know that it would kind of suck not to have you around."

I smile a little. "I've only been here for two days," I say.

He nods. "I feel like you and me, we're the same. I have a dark past, I'm assuming you do too judging by how much you love to talk about it. I save people as my day job, you want to save people. I'm from Kansas, you're from Kansas. You see? We are two birds of a feather."

He's definitely drunk. He throws back his drink and sways to the side a little but catches himself.

"Then why don't you let me go on a mission if I'm so much like you?"

He looks ahead. "I'm considering it now that you say it."

I smile and take another sip. It's like drinking acid. But I smile and swallow it down. "Judging by your stability and change of heart, I'm going to say this isn't your first drink. But Dean, I'm going to hold that against you in the morning even if you don't remember it." I smile to him and step off my stool. "Goodnight Dean," I say. Then I walk out of the bar and into the cold Nebraska night air.


	3. Chapter 3: Desperate Times

I wake up to a splash of cold water on my face. I shoot up into a sitting position and I open my eyes as I spit water out of my mouth. Dean is standing there with an empty cup.

"Get up, let's go," he says.

I look at the clock. "It's 4:30 in the morning," I say drowsily.

"Come on, up."

I wipe water off my face. "How'd you even get in," I ask. I locked the door last night.

"None of your concern. Let's go, I'm waiting."

I moan and get out of bed. It's still dark out. He closes my door to my room and I grab a pair of pants and a tank top to put over my sports bra. I grab a jacket and I walk out of my room where Dean is sitting at the table.

"You ready," he asks.

"I don't even know what we're doing."

"Alright, follow me."

He takes me to a small building in camp. It's already warm out. It's August 3rd. I was supposed to make it to my families cabin today. Dean opens the door for me and I walk in. It smells sweaty and dingy. The air is dusty and I look around. There's a row of different punching bags and some weights in the corner of the room. Dean grabs two sparring mitts and holds them out in front of him.

"Punch them," he says.

I stare at him for a second and then I lean back and get ready to punch. I balance from foot to foot and then I move my entire body into a punch. My knuckles smack onto the fabric which makes them sting but I shake it off. I punch each sparring mitt and then when I'm about to punch again, Dean knocks me on the side of the head with one. I back up.

"Ow! What the hell," I say.

"What? You didn't think I was going to fight back? You're killing my hands over here and you need to learn to protect your blind spots."

I punch his hand again, and this time, I channel all my anger into it. The impact of the punch is hard enough to make him shake his hand off. I smile a little. I punch over and over again and then he hits my head again, this time on the other side. I brush the feeling off easily this time and I keep punching. Now I watch his hands and wait for him to hit me. This time, I catch his hand moving and I block myself and I punch with the other arm. Dean gets knocked back a little bit. He takes his gloves off.

"What? You've had enough already," I ask cockily.

He rolls his eyes. "You can come today," he says.

I smile. "On one condition. You do what I say and you take orders from me, understand?" I nod. "Good. We leave in half an hour. Be ready." He begins to walk away. "

Thank you," I yell after him. He waves his hand but doesn't look back.

"Don't mention it," he says.

I meet Dean and Castiel at the light post at the front of camp where a few men and women are stacking up the trucks with extra guns and empty bags. As soon as they all see Dean, they stop what they're doing and they come over in a group. Castiel stands beside me and Dean starts distributing guns to everyone.

"So you convinced him, huh," Castiel says.

I nod. "Ya, it must have been my good looks and charm," I say jokingly.

He laughs. "I wouldn't doubt it."

Dean hands Castiel a gun. Then he looks at me and hesitates.

"Good luck, Blake."

He hands me a gun and moves on. It's a 12 Gauge Double Barrelled Shotgun. Castiel hands me some ammo and I put it in my pocket.

"Alright, we are doing this quick and quietly. Don't waste ammo if you don't have to. Castiel, you're with Lacy covering the North wing, Jack and David will cover the South, Julie and Harold, you've got the East, and Liam and Ronnie have the West corner. Tim, Noah, Tyler, you guys are coming with Blake and I." Everyone nods. "Get in, get out. Don't get caught and stay unnoticed. Alright, let's go," Dean yells.

Everyone gets into a truck and Dean guides me to a jeep. I sit shotgun and he drives. Someone ahead yells something out the window and then it begins to drive as the rest of us follow.

We arrive just a few miles outside of a town called Valentine. I remember seeing it on a card in the corner store by my house. They called it America's Heart City. When I was little, I had the fantasy that every day in Valentine was Valentines Day and that everyone loved each other. I asked my dad if we could move there because I wanted to fall in love with someone. Of course my parents thought that was hilarious because I was only 7 at the time. My mother told me that people would fall in love with me no matter where I went.

"Follow me and do what I do. I need you to cover me and have my back," Dean says. I nod.

"I can do that," I say.

He takes the safety off his gun and loads it.

"Now, Tim, Noah and Tyler are going to cover a floor each. There's four stories and at the top is where our food supply is. Shoot the gun if you have to but keep the noise on a down low. There could be Croats in the building, there could be none. We don't know so keep your eyes open."

He moves forward and I follow behind him. The rest of them are already in the building. I stay low and I look around me. I see a person a long way down the street but it doesn't notice us. It's then that I realize that my safety is still on. I quietly turn it off so that Dean doesn't notice I've already screwed up.

We walk into the building and we see Tyler. He has his back to a wall and he nods and give us a thumbs up. Dean walks up the stairs and I follow closely behind like a little duckling. We get to the second floor and at the top of the stairs is what appears to be a body, except it's completely torn apart. I hold my breath and try not to look at it. Tim is standing around a corner in the room over and he nods at Dean as well. Dean and I begin to walk up the next flight of stairs and then we hear a thud. Dean stops and I almost run into him. He looks back at me. He puts his finger over his lips, signalling me not to talk. He starts moving up again, but very slow this time. He opens the door to the third level and all is silent. I look around and I hold my gun out, ready for anything. Dean does a sharp turn around the corner and we see Noah lying on the ground. I begin to look around. We are not alone. Noah's head moves and he rolls himself over. Dean goes to help him but Noah says, "Stop."

Dean puts his gun in his belt but I stand and I look around.

"I got exposed, Dean. You've gotta kill me," he says in a strained voice.

I look at Noah and I see four symmetrical cuts across his face. Human nail marks. The Croats must have used him to catch us off guard. Dean looks at me. I can see the pain in his eyes. He looks at the ground and closes them for a second. I put my hand on deans shoulder.

"It's okay, Dean. It has to be done. It's okay, I'm here with you," I say in his ear.

I can't believe I just did that. I back off quickly and I blush. It must have worked because Dean takes his gun out and Noah closes his eyes. Dean places the knife into Noah's throat and I cover my mouth with my hand. I can't watch this. I turn and close my eyes. I hate death. It's just such a terrible thing. And I hate bearing death. That's something Dean and I relate on. I need to get a grip. I need to be strong. I open my eyes and just ahead of me is a girl. She couldn't be more than 8. Her hair is knotted and dirty and her hands are covered in dry blood. She's wearing a white night gown that has been torn apart and covered in dirt and blood. She begins to run at us and I shoot at the same time that Dean does. The bullet hits her right in between her eyes. Dean turns around quickly, completely out of it. I look back at him and Noah. I wonder what happens to people when they die. If this is really 'Hell on Earth', then does everyone go to heaven? What if they were set for hell? Then where do they go? I know that I'm not heaven bound. I've done too much. I've let too much happen to the ones I love. I didn't save anyone. I'm not a hero. I'm not a good person. I'm not going to heaven.

My gunshot must have been a call because in seconds, five Croats show up. Dean runs into the room over and I try to follow but I'm cut off by a Croat.

"Blake," Dean yells, but he too is being surrounded.

I shoot the man in front of me and I look at Dean. He fights off the Croats but more are coming. Tyler and Tim are going to know something is happening. They should be up soon but they're going to get stopped. We need this food. I look over at the door to the next level. The Croats all focus on Dean so I make a snap decision and I run for the door to the fourth level. I run through the door and it becomes pitch black. I stand there for a second and I can feel a bead of sweat trickle down the back of my neck to my spine. I begin to breath quickly and sharply. I hold my gun straight ahead of my and I begin to walk up. I take my steps slow and I begin to sweat nervously. I hear the step below me creek and I stop. I'm scared. I'm really scared. But there's people who depend on this. Maybe I could die trying to do a last good deed. That wouldn't be so bad. I continue up the steps and I can feel my arms shaking. I can see the light from the bottom of the doorway just a few steps ahead. I reach the door and I hesitate. I can't turn back now. I hear another gun shot below and I open the door without thinking. I look around and see no one.

I follow a few hallways and I finally see what this place is. It's a hospital. I couldn't see it before because everything was taken out and glass was mashed everywhere but as I look around, I can see it. There's guarded desks and open rooms everywhere. I move forward and a door has a sign on it that reads 'FOOD/SUPPLIES'. I open the door and walk in. It's farely bare except for a large metal door in the corner. I guess I don't have much to lose so I open it. It's a fridge. It isn't cold because of the world wide power outage but it has food. I take the bag off my back and I grab three full boxes of powdered milk and I put them all in my bag. I rip open boxes at the speed of light and I find more powdered milk and a box of dried meat. My bag is getting heavier by the minute as the gunshots one level down accompany my frantic search for food. I grab another box which was hidden inside multiple other boxes. It's still cold. I open the final box and inside are frozen peas, carrots, potatoes and turnip. I grab them all and put them in my bag. All of the sudden I hear something creak. I turn around quickly and quietly. Someone's there. I stand with my bag without making a sound and I walk to the door frame and hide behind it. Someone runs in and puts a gun to my head just as I put a gun to his. I blink a few times in awe. It's Dean. We drop our guns and I stare at him for a second.

"I found some-," I start. But Dean grabs me and hugs me.

I stand there, wide eyed and not sure what to do. He holds me tight and for a long time. When he lets go he looks mad.

"What the hell were you thinking," he yells.

I raise an eyebrow in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"You could have gotten yourself killed! You were supposed to stay with me so that I could protect you. But no, you had to run off and scare the shit out of me!"

I frown at him. His voice sounds angry but his eyes are desperate and relieved.

"I found vegetables, Dean! Vegetables," I say enthusiastically to try and soften the mood. "Plus I found a ton of powdered milk and I bag of jerky."

He shakes his head. "I don't care, Blake. Not even a little. You could have gotten yourself killed!" I cross my arms. "We lost Noah today. I don't want to lose someone else." I nod at him.

"I can take care of myself," I say. Then I grab my bag and walk out, knocking my shoulder into his purposely on the way out.

I sit in silence as the jeep drives along the dirt road back to the place I now call home. It's weird to think that I have a home now. I haven't had a home since I was sixteen. I had roofs over my head but since sixteen, I had never in fact, had a home. It seems like such a foreign thing to me now and I realize how sad that is. How low I've set the bar. It's sad to think that having a home is unfamiliar to me. But there's a lot of sadness in me. A lot of hate and fear and grief. There's a whole lot of pain and darkness. And I'm not sure if anything can fix the hole i have made inside myself. And I've made sure no one can fill it. I've made sure to leave it unattended, because in all honesty, I don't feel as if I deserve salvation. I don't deserve happiness. We've all sinned. Some of us more than others. But I have let terrible things happen. I've let innocent people die. My friends. My family. People to deserve to be where I am now so much more than I do. It's my fatal flaw. I can never save people in time.

As I jump out of the jeep and onto solid camp ground, wind blows in my face. I breathe the air in deeply and then I go to help everyone unpack but Dean grabs my arm.

"What you did out there was stupid and reckless and I could have lost you. In case you haven't noticed, I like to keep my people alive. Especially the ones I like."

He lets go of my arm and walks away leaving me with unknown feelings and powdered milk in my pockets.


	4. Chapter 4: Hell Takes a Holiday

I open my eyes slowly to a streak of sunlight that has found its way past the blinds. It's sunny. That happens only every once and a while. I get out of bed quickly and throw on a small shirt and combat pants and boots, then I walk outside. I look around the camp from my porch and things look a little unusual. People are putting little white lights around their cabins and they are putting reefs on their doors. The girls and women wear dresses and the men and boys wear ties. I feel very underdressed. I see Adeline walking and she sees me.

"Blake," she squeals as she runs over.

"What's going on," I ask.

She smiles. "It's the Holiday of Hope. Everyone calls it H day though. We dress up and decorate and there's a big dinner and a party after!"

I look around. She's wearing a knee length light blue dress with a small button at the top.

"And you know what? I heard miss Margaret has made you a dress for tonight," she says with a wink.

"Miss Margaret," I ask.

"The lady who makes all the clothes," Adeline says. I nod. "Come on. I'll get you to help out." She grabs my arm and pulls me forward and I follow her.

Castiel smiles wide and and examines the lights he is making me put on the roof of the dinning hall. I look over my shoulder.

"Good," I ask.

He gives me a thumbs up. "It's perfect!" I smile and climb down the ladder.

I jump the last rail and Cas turns on the lights. They look good even in the day. The next thing we do is place candles in jars and place them on the tables. Castiel begins to juggle them and I laugh when he drops all of them.

"It's not as easy as it looks," he says with a smile.

"Ya, I can't do that so good for you."

I place another jar on the table. Castiel begins to juggle again but Dean walks in and grabs a candle that Cas just threw in the air. Dean hands it to me and I place it in the jar. Castiel rolls his eyes.

"I see you brought the circus to help you with putting tee lights in jars," Dean says playfully. He looks at me and stares for a second. "You wanna come help me with the cookies they're making tonight," Dean asks me.

I glance at Cas who keeps juggling the candles. "Ya, sure."

Castiel drops one.

"You okay with that, Cas?"

He nods.

I follow Dean to the back kitchen. He leads the way and people smile at him as he walks by. He snatches a cookie off of a tray without being scolded. He breaks it in half and hands me a piece. I smile and take it.

"I wanna talk to you about something," he says.

This can't be good. He flipped out at me yesterday and now he's back for more. I purse my lip and he takes me to the back of the kitchen where we are alone.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I thought about it and you did the right thing by going up there. I would have done the same thing. I overreacted and I'm sorry." He avoids eye contact and he puts his hands in his pockets.

"It's okay, Dean. I should have listened to you. It won't happen again."

He nods and then looks up at me. He hands me a bag of buckwheat flour. "Now that we've got that covered, there's something else I wanted to talk to you about."

I nod and begin to follow the recipe.

"There's this gun. We call it the Colt. This gun can kill any demon, and it would be nice to have around considering the consequences. We're planning to go out sometime next week. I'm pretty sure I know where it is so we're going to go look for it. And I would like it if you would come if you still wanted to."

I smile and nod. "I'd love to, Dean."

He nods and starts bringing out ingredients. "You got any family anymore," he asks.

I freeze. I hate talking about them. "No. It's just me," I say. "How about you?"

He scoffs and shakes his head. "Nope, me neither."

My dad could be alive. But I guess I'll never know. I'll never forget the night he left. It was the oddest thing. He was making a lot of noise downstairs and so I got up to see what was wrong and I swear that I saw his eyes go black. It must have been a mistake because that's not possible. He told me he was sorry for waking me and that I should go back to sleep because of something about how his father wanted no harm towards me. I never understood withy he was acting that way but it doesn't matter anymore. He left and that's that. I can't change it now.

"So what's this H day thing about," I ask Dean.

He stirs ingredients in a bowl. "It's supposed to represent hope. Hope that things will get better. It's pretty pointless if you ask me. Until we find a way to kill the devil, which is impossible; things aren't going to get better. It's a lot of false hope really."

I take in what he has to say and it sounds to me like he's lost all his faith. "I think it's good to have hope," I say. "I think people need to have faith now more than ever. Without it we have nothing and the world would be a much sadder place without it." I stare down at my bowl as I mix the ingredients but I can feel Deans eyes glancing over at me. He takes everything I say in. That's what I like about him. He treats me equally as far as opinions go. "So I guess that means you're not coming tonight," I say.

He glances over at me. "I don't know. I have more important things to do. But it is your first time so I might make an appearance." I smile and I can see the corner of his mouth curl up a little bit too.

At quarter after two, I hear a knock on the door. I stand up and open it and I see Adeline and an old lady with a dress and a pair of shoes.

"Blake," Adeline squeals. "We brought something for you!"

I smile and the old lady holds her hand out and I shake it.

"I'm Margret," she says.

I nod and she hands me the dress.

"I made this for you," she says with a smile. "I thought you might need something to wear tonight." She hands me the dress and shoes and I look up at Adeline who is smiling uncontrollably.

I stand in front of my mirror with the dress on and Adeline examining me from behind. The dress is white lace and it just makes it to my knees. It's high on my chest and it is long sleeved. It's beautiful. The waist is tight but below the waist, it flows down softly.

"I love it," I say.

Adeline smiles in the mirror and then she comes over to me and she takes the tie out of my hair and let's it fall.

"Take a seat," she says mysteriously.

I sit down and she stands behind me. She takes a hair brush and brushes it out. "So, who are you going with tonight," she asks.

"No one," I say.

There's a pause before she continues, like she didn't know if she should say something but she is going to anyway.

"What about Dean," she asks.

I frown. "What about him," I ask.

She starts to braid my hair. "You know, he never comes to these things. Until you showed up. Now he's decided he wants to come."

I smile a little. "Really," I ask.

"You must be pretty special if you can change that mans mind. But Blake, be careful with him. He'll break your heart."

I look at myself one last time before we leave. Adeline has loosely braided the side of the hair on my head and she has tied it back into a loose bun. My shoes are beige and they have a little bit of a heal. I smile and then I follow Adeline out the door.

We walk into the dinning hall and everyone is dancing and smiling. A band at the front which consists of an acoustic guitar, a violin, a drum and a tambourine plays a familiar tune but I can't quite put my finger on it. Adeline smiles as people greet us as we walk in. I smile and nod and people compliment my dress. A boy grabs Adeline's hand and asks her to dance. She looks at me for approval.

"Go ahead," I say with a smile. But I don't want her to leave me. I don't see anyone I know. I look around and see a table with food. There's a tray of cookies. The ones that Dean and I made. I wonder where he is. He was supposed to be here.

I pour myself some punch and watch all the action from the sidelines. I look over and I see a man glancing at me. His hair is cut at his shoulders and it waves nicely. He's tall and he looks about my age. Once he knows that I saw him, he approaches.

"Hi, my name is Andrew Byrne," he says.

He holds his hand out and I shake it. He has an Irish accent.

I smile at him. "Blake Hudson."

He smiles and nods. He probably already knew that. "You waiting for anyone special tonight," he asks, suggestively.

I shake my head. "No."

He smiles and nods again. We stand in an awkward silence and I sip my punch.

"Would you like to dance," he asks. What do I have to lose. It's not like I have anything better to do. He holds his hand out and I take it.

We dance to three dances and he tells me about his family here and how he got here and about how he's a musician.

"I have to go up and sing a song now but I'll see you later," he says.

Andrew winks at me and then leaves me alone on the floor. I sip my punch and move to the music as I make my way back to my safe spot at the table of food until I run into someone. He grabs my arm to steady me and I look up. It's Dean. He stares at me for a second and then he lets go of me.

"I was looking for you," he says.

I smile. He's wearing a button up plaid shirt and dressy jeans. And he shaved.

"You clean up nice," I say.

"You're not too bad yourself," he says with a wink.

Andrew gets up on stage and the crowd watches. "Now, I wrote this song a while ago at a train station in Ireland. I was on my way to see an old friend. And at this train station, I witnessed a woman get on a train and the man got there right as the train was leaving and he chased the train and he was running beside her, looking at her in the window and you know what she did? She flipped him off." The crowd laughs. "And so I wrote a song about this woman I didn't know." They laugh again. "This is called Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene." People sway to the music and Dean and I face each other.

"Do you want to sit down," he asks.

I nod. "Sure."

Dean and I watch as everyone dances. When I was ten, my dad and I went to a father daughter dance. We took tons of pictures that night and the day after, my father gave me a locket in the shape of a heart. It had a photo of us at the dance inside it. I wore that necklace everyday until the day he left. I was so heartbroken that I threw it away. I regret doing that every once and a while because I wonder if there is ever going to come a day when I'm going to need a photo to remember him by. I guess there's not much to remember though. Just a man with no love. That's what I used to tell myself. I used to blame it on myself. I thought that maybe he left me because I didn't love him enough. So I grew up thinking that it was my fatal flaw. That I wasn't capable of love. And that's why everyone leaves me. It's not them, it's me. That's why dad left, that's why mom died, that's why Mike died. I try not to think of as my fault as much now. It tore me apart when I was younger. I was constantly fighting myself because I loved my dad and my mom and my brother, but somehow it wasn't enough. I used to think of myself as the girl who couldn't love. I guess I still feel that way about myself. It has always been a heavy weight to bear and it always will be.

A boy, who couldn't be older than six comes up to me. Dean watches him curiously, as do I. He smiles at me shyly as his parents watch from the other side of the room. He holds his hand out to me.

"Would you like to dance," he asks in a small voice.

I smile and take his hand. "I would love to dance," I say, flattered.

He smiles. He is the cutest little thing. I stand up and he walks with me to the dance floor. I can see Dean watching. I almost see a smile on his face. I dance with the boy and he giggles as I spin him around.

"What's your name," I ask.

"Mathew." He puts his fingers in his mouth and smiles.

"I'm Blake," I say.

The song ends and a slow one comes on. I begin to dance with him again until Dean walks up. Dean kneels down to the little boy.

"You see that girl over there," Dean asks him.

The little boy looks and nods. The girl seems to be about his age.

"I think she wants a dance too," Dean says. "You should go ask her."

The little boy stares for a second and then he hugs my legs quickly and then runs off to see the girl.

"Now I'm gonna slow it down a little bit, so grab a partner. This song is called Work Song," Andrew says. Dean looks over at me.

"Do you want to dance," he asks.

I smile. "Dean Winchester dances," I say questioningly with a flirtatious smile.

He rolls his eyes and smile. "I'm not all guns and good looks, there's more to me," he says.

I laugh. He grabs my hand and puts his other hand on my waist. I do the same.

"You look really good tonight," he says in my ear.

I smile and bite my lip. "You already said that," I say.

"Did I?"

I nod. "You look pretty good too," I say. I can feel his smile. I can't see his face but I know he is. It radiates off him.

"You already said that, Blake," he whispers in my ear. It gives me shivers. I smile.

"Did I," I ask. I can feel his breath on my neck. We move slowly to the music and it feels nice. It feels nice to be held again. To feel safe.

"When is the mission for the Colt," I ask. He laughs.

"I thought we were having a moment," he says and he looks at me jokingly.

"I'm sorry," I laugh. He stares at me for a second and he bites his lip. Why is he looking at me like that. That's how boys look at girls in the movies, that's how it's described in books. Why is he looking at me like that. I clear my throat and he looks away and moves his head back over my shoulder.

"We haven't figured it out yet," he says. I think I just ruined the moment again.

"Goodnight, Blake," Adeline says with a smile. I smile back.

"Thanks for everything, see you later," I say.

She smiles and walks away. I begin to walk to my cabin and Dean runs up to me and begins walking with me.

"How'd you like that," he asks. Just as I'm about to answer, Andrew calls out to me.

"It was nice meeting you," he yells.

I turn around. I wave goodbye and Dean looks at him. The glance looks a little passive aggressive but I push the thought away.

"Maybe I can see you again sometime," Andrew yells.

"Maybe," I yell back with a smile. I don't want to be rude. He was a nice guy. And he was good looking too. Dean looks at me as if he's offended. I wave goodbye and I look at my feet as I walk.

I get to my cabin and I face Dean. "I could have walked myself you know," I say. He smiles. I lean up against the beam.

"Ya, I know."

He stares at my lips and I catch myself staring at his. They're so nice. They're perfect, really. They must be nice to kiss. I bite my lip and I lean in a bit. He leans in a little too. I shouldn't do this. Adeline's words echo through my head. He will break my heart. I smile.

"Goodnight, Dean," I say.

He smiles but doesn't stop staring at me. "Goodnight, Blake," he says but his eyes say something else. I slowly back up and I walk to my door and open it from behind me.

"I'll see you later." I walk into my cabin and his eyes follow me until I close the door. I hold the door handle and I place my forehead on the door. How am I supposed to sleep now. I can't even think. I don't even know if I'm breathing. What the hell is wrong with me.

 ** _Thanks for reading! I hope you like it so far... Write a review and follow/favourite! Thanks xx._**


	5. Chapter 5: Who's Your Daddy?

**_Please favourite and follow!_**

A smile spreads across my face as I think about what Dean said last night. I can't stop thinking about it. It's consuming me and taking over every thought I have. It was such a small thing to say but it meant so much. Why did he walk me home? Even when he knew that I could do it myself he still walked me back. Why did he do that? He was totally drunk though. It must have been his drunk thing. Hit on single girls. It's still nice to feel wanted. But you know what they say, drunk words are sober thoughts.

I walk down the dirt road to the dinning hall and I see Dean walking towards me. I smile and wave. He nods his head at me and just as I open my mouth to say something, Dean is pushed back by a raging woman with black hair. She slams her hands into his chest again.

"Whoa! Jeez! Easy, Risa!"

I stand and watch.

"You spent the night in Jane's cabin last night, didn't you," she yells.

Her words hit me hard. So much for being wanted. Dean straightens up and looks down at her but doesn't answer. She shakes her head in frustration.

"I thought we had a 'connection'," she air quotes the word.

"I-," Dean starts.

"No, you know what, screw you," she yells. She storms off in my direction. "You better stay away from him, he's a real jackass. He might be pretty, but he just looks that way. He's a broken, heartless man," she hisses at me as she walks by.

Dean purses his lips and nods. I stare at him. Funny to think that I'm in the same boat as Risa. Both of us have been played into thinking someone actually cared. My mistake. It feels like I just got slapped in the face. Dean smiles at me and then approaches and I lift my chin and straight face it.

"Sorry about that," he says.

I nod. "It's good to know you walked home someone who didn't leave you at the front steps. Nicely played, Dean Winchester. Nicely played." I walk past him and he turns with me but doesn't follow. His mouth opens as if he wants to say something but he doesn't have the words. It hurts more than I thought it would.

~divider

"The Colt is located in this mansion. A demon named Crowley had it in his possession and the house has been abandoned for years. It's near a hot zone though and if the Croats hear you, they'll find you. We get in and search the house. Grab anything you need but save your energy for the Colt. This could be the thing that saves us," Castiel says.

Risa stares Dean down from across the room with fire in her eyes. She is short and lean with large cheek bones and jet black hair. She never slouches and keeps her arms crossed. I try and copy her stand. I straighten my back and lift my chin. Castiel glances at me and I stop trying. Everyone in this room seems to have a body of steel. I don't think I could take a single person in this room. I'm weak. I need to build muscle. I need to start training for my own sake and everyone else's. I always thought of myself to be a generally strong person, but looking at the shape of the people in this room, I'm not so confident.

I pack guns into my belt silently, just like everyone else. I grab a large duffel bag of supplies off the ground which is much heavier than I thought it would be and I struggle to throw it in the back of the truck. I swing it back and try and use the strength of the motion to lift it in but someone grabs it and helps me. I look over and see those green eyes I like so much.

"I could have done that myself," I say without expression.

He nods and places his tongue in an awkward position in his mouth and looks down. I notice a tiny piece of leather peaking out from under his collar. I really hope it's not a crucifix or I might just go crazy. It has to be a necklace of some sort. I don't bother to ask. It's not worth the breath.

"I'm sorry, I really did want to walk you back to your cabin, I just uh, I saw an opportunity and I took it. And I'm sorry if that offended you and I understand that you're mad. But uh, I just want you to know it wasn't just the alcohol that made me walk you to your door."

What the hell am I supposed to do now? His green eyes are sucking me back in and I can't stop it. I can feel the butterflies again. That's all it took, one glance and I was back in. "Don't worry about it Dean," I say swiftly as I begin to walk away.

The drive is long and boring. My hand gun is digging into my side and it's making me uncomfortable. Everything just feels off. And to add to the matter, I'm crammed up against Dean in the back seat of the truck. The truck comes to a stop and everyone starts getting out. I follow in their steps and try to look natural.

"Let's move people," Dean yells. We begin to run through the bush and after about a mile, we reach the city. Everyone claims under the fence and holds their guns up. Then, a gun goes off and I see a group of Croats running at us. Bullets are fired and the infected fall, one by one. More begin to come around corners and out of ally ways. There are too many gun shots to count. I hold my gun up. I have to shoot. They need help. I see a woman running. Her hair is bleach blond and she's wearing a blue top and black pants that have been ripped open one too many times. She charges at the group of us and I aim for her head. I breathe in and shoot. The bullet knocks her onto the ground. I killed her. More Croats run out of the buildings. Dean grabs my arm and pulls me into run with him.

"Where are you going?! We need to help them," I say.

He looks back at me. "We're getting the Colt."

Dean pics the lock to the back door of the mansion. I can hear gunshots going off in the distance. He opens the door and we walk in. The house is huge. Everything is marble. Large paintings cover the walls and the furniture is all covered in white sheets. Dean and I stop and look around. Taking it all in. Dean begins to look around. He uncovers furniture and open cabinets. I walk into another room which is also marble. Everything is properly placed and is untouched. I step forward, slowly. There is a fireplace at the end of the room with a shelf of stone hovering overtop. The room is like a dream. It's beautiful and it makes you want to stay forever. It blocks the noise of the gunshots out and it makes you forget your problems. My daze comes to an abrupt end when Dean comes crashing through the door. I jump backwards and knock my head off the fireplace.

"Jesus Christ, Dean! Scare the shit out of me why don't you," I yell, holding my head. I hear something move behind me and I turn around. My head must have hit somewhere special because the shelf begins to move down and exposes a box. Dean walks up to the box and grabs it. He opens it and grabs out a gun. Not just any gun, the Colt.

We meat the group behind a building. Dean shows Castiel the gun while the rest of us are on lookout. Suddenly, someone shoots. I hear the familiar sound of a body hitting the ground.

"Backup," I here someone scream desperately.

Before I can do anything, Dean already has his gun out at the ready. I look to the side of the building where our exit will be. A group of Croats are blocking it. I grab my shotgun and I begin to shoot, just like everyone else. I'm the only one shooting at the group on this side and more keep coming. Shotgun shells fly through the air like confetti and then I'm out. The Croats run at me and I yell for backup but nobody comes. I grab my handgun and I begin to shoot with that. They're getting closer and their numbers are multiplying. I yell for help again but the call isn't received. I empty my mac and I run. I have one extra bullet in my back pocket but I don't have time to grab it now. I turn around and move my legs as fast as I can. Everyone seems to be gone. I slide on the sand and make a quick recovery as I turn a sharp corner. I see the group. They made it to our only exit. They're hiding behind the corner of the closest building to the home free. They're waiting for me. I run as fast as I can and I look over my shoulder. The Croats are much closer than I thought. In my panic, my fight or flight feeling kicks in and my legs move faster than ever. I make it out of the ally way and into an open danger zone. I hide behind a car and take a breath. When I look up I see a face. A face I know well. A face I haven't seen in a while. Time freezes and nothing seems to matter anymore but this face running at me, possessed by the virus. I missed this face so much. I mourned it. This is the face of man who broke my heart and ruined my life. It's the face of a coward and a man with no love. He is the man with no love. But he is running at me and I know he will kill me. It's kind of funny to see him like this. It's almost as if he got what he deserved. I can see my whole life in this mans eyes and out of instinct, I hold my gun up and I shoot the extra bullet I had in my back pocket. And then all of the sudden the world begins to turn again. And then it hits me. I just killed him. The last piece of me. Dead. The world crashes in much louder than before and I drop my gun. Tears flood up in my eyes and my mouth hangs open in disbelief of what I just did. I shake my hands off as if I can shake the guilt right off of them. Dean grabs my arm and pulls me to my feet. I stumble as they drag me to the truck and throw me in the passenger seat. I can't hear anything. I can't do anything. I'm just stuck replaying what I just did. Who I just killed. The truck begins to move and so does deans mouth but I can't hear the words that come out. I just stare blankly ahead. Dean grabs my shoulder and shakes my out of my trans.

"Hello?! Are you not hearing me right now," he yells. "What the fuck was that!? Did you not hear us yelling at you," he yells.

"I didn't hear anything," I whisper.

"What happened out there?!"

I look away and Dean smacks the steering wheel.

"God dammit, Blake."

~divider

We get back to camp and I begin to unpack silently but Dean grabs my arm and pulls me to his cabin. I walk in and he slams the door behind me.

"I better get some answers right now, Blake!"

I flinch at his tone.

"You almost got yourself killed, again! And then I had to come and save your ass. So tell me, do you want to die?! Or are you just-", I cut him off.

"It was my dad," I say.

Dean stops running his mouth and stares at me as he breathes in heavily.

"What," he says. His chest moves up and down and his eyes look guilty now.

"I just killed my dad, Dean. I killed my own father."

The silence spreads like wildfire. We both stare at each other. I know he's sorry now because he blinks too many times and he licks his lips. I can feel myself breaking down. I can feel all the emotion surfacing.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter," I say as I look away.

He doesn't say anything.

"It's not like I was a fan of the guy." I sit down.

"I'm sorry, Blake. I didn't... I didn't mean-", he stutters.

"I know," I say. "He wasn't that great anyway."

"He was your dad," Dean says as if it's supposed to make me feel something different for my father.

"He left me, Dean. He killed my mother," I say.

Dean raises his eyebrows. "He killed your mom?"

I worded that wrong.

"He might as well have. She didn't kill her literally but she died from a broken heart," I say.

Dean sits down across from me. "How old were you?"

"I was fifteen when my dad left and my mother died three months later. Depression. She overdosed on sleeping pills. And so then fifteen year old me became emancipated and I became my brothers legal guardian once I turned 20. I sold my house and everything I owned and lived in a tiny apartment. I worked three jobs to pay the bills and once my brother was fourteen, the virus hit. We moved from place to place, trying to avoid everything. And then I decided to take my brother and walk to Nebraska."

Dean stares at me. "What happened to your brother?"

I stare at him. If I talk about it, I'll cry. And I've been doing so well. "Everybody's got their own sob story, Dean."

He purses his lips and looks down at his hands. "I'm sorry. I know how you feel," he says. "I've got a dead beat dad of my own."

I stare at him. "What was your family like," I ask.

He scoffs and smiles at the question as if it's a funny thing.

"Mom died in a house fire when I was four. It was a demon that started the fire actually. My dad made it his life's mission to find the thing that killed her and send it straight to hell. He dragged my brother and I along with him and raised us to be hunters. He wasn't much of anything. He missed a lot of birthdays and Christmases and what not. God knows I tried to give Sam everything he needed. I saved that kid more times than I can count." He smiles it off. That's the thing about him. Even when he's sad he's happy. "It doesn't add up to much when you don't save them in the end though."

I scoff and nod. "You can say that again," I say.

He looks up at me with those big green eyes and I melt.

"I've never told anybody this before," I say.

"Ya I'm not one for sharing my past either."

He looks over at me and I look back at him. His eyes are saying so many things that I don't know how to read and for a second, I think we're having a moment. But then I remember the circumstances and I look away. I've had enough sin for one day.

 ** _Thanks for reading! Don't forget to favourite/follow and write a review!_**


	6. Chapter 6: Storm of the Century

**_impala scene in this chapter! Favourite/follow and write a review!_**

oOo

I tap my fingers on the table as I watch the rain violently pour down. I've never seen a storm this bad. The wind howls and blows things everywhere. I can almost feel the cabin shift with the gusts. The window lights up with a white light from the lightning. I close my eyes and wait for the bang of thunder which follows closely after, shaking the cabin just slightly. My father used to tell me that the thunder and lightning was just because it was bowling night in heaven. He said the thunder was the bowling ball hitting the pins and the lightning was because someone scored a strike. I killed that man. Put a bullet right in his head.

Someone knocks on the door with enough impact to make me jump. I stand quickly and open the door. It's Dean. He's completely soaked. He walks in and I hand him a towel. He dries off and stares at me.

"How are you," he asks.

His shirt is soaking wet and it sticks to his skin exposing the shape of his muscles. Defining every line. God, he looks so good.

"You came all the way here just to ask me how I am," I say.

He licks his bottom lip and then bites and stares at me. He looks at me with passion and feeling. It's really attractive. The look is so seductive, and he's all wet and the rain is pouring down and I feel myself getting weak in the knees.

"The camp is flooding from the rain and I just wanted to check up on you," he says like its not the whole truth. And maybe it isn't. But if I push it anymore, I might crash through a few walls that should be kept up.

"Do you guys need some help," I ask to break the mood.

He raises his eyebrows and nods. "If you want."

oOo

We run through the rain and I get in line beside Dean. A bucket of water gets handed down the line one after another and I pass it on. They pour it into the well and someone runs the empty buckets back. And it works for while, right up to the point that the well itself overflows. Dean looks around, not sure what to do. People gather around us.

"What are we gonna do, Dean," I ask.

He looks around for an answer. "Alright everybody! Run to your cabin quickly and grab anything you might need! We meet in the dinning hall in ten minutes," he yells.

He begins to walk but I grab his arm. "What are we gonna do," I ask in a more concerned voice than intended.

He looks off into the distance. "I don't know, Blake." He makes eye contact with me for a second before I let him go. The thunder claps above us and the rain keeps a steady pace. This isn't natural. It can't be.

oOo

I stand in the dinning hall along with everybody else. Everybody chats and some people cry. Castiel hands me a box.

"Hand these out," he says.

I try and smile reassuringly but it doesn't work. I open the box and I see blankets. I grab one and hand it to a family. They smile and thank me. It wasn't a happy smile. It was a scared smile, mixed with thankfulness. I hand out more and more blankets until Dean walks in and everyone goes silent, waiting for instructions.

"We are going to move everyone to the emergency underground safe house! Everybody stay together and let's make this quick," he yells.

Everyone begins to move and I go with the crowd. We get out in the rain and people cover themselves in the blankets I gave them. I look ahead and see two door opened from the ground that lead to a flight of steep stairs. People file in and I follow. I step onto the first stair and I look up at Dean who is holding the doors. He looks down at me and nods and then I descend into the darkness.

oOo

"You have to help me! Please," the woman begs me.

I look over at Dean and Cas. Cas shakes his head along with Dean. I stare at them with the same amount of desperation in the woman's voice on my face. I look back at the woman.

"Please, he's my son," she whines.

I grab her hand. "I'll go find your son," I say.

She grabs me and hugs me tightly. When she releases I look over at Dean and Castiel. I nod a goodbye and I begin to walk away.

Dean grabs my arm. "Whoa, where you going there sport," he says.

"Dean, there's a seven year old boy out there. I have to go find him."

He pulls me into him. His face is close to mine and he begins to whisper. "You can't save everyone, Blake."

I make eye contact with him. His eyes look desperate and afraid but his facial expression tries to play it off.

"We have to at least try, Dean."

He stares at me and searches my face. It's intimidating, I'm not gonna lie.

He sighs heavily. "This is starting to sound like a god damned Stephen King novel. Next thing you know, Linoge is going to be up in here." He looks around at everyone.

"I didn't know that you read," Cas says sarcastically.

"Dean, there's a little boy out there, what would you do if it was me," I ask.

I soon come to the realization that I shouldn't have said that. People stare at me as if I have two heads.

"Dammit, Blake... Fine, I'm coming with you," he says.

Castiel steps in and places a hand on deans arm. "What? No, it's too dangerous, you'll get killed out there!"

Dean pats him on the shoulder. "Keep everybody safe. We will be back. See ya Cas."

Castiel shakes his head. Dean and I walk away from the group and towards the doors to the stairway out of here.

"We better find this kid," he says doubtfully.

oOo

Rain drips off of my face and I run into the next cabin. I frantically search for the boy as the rain pours down at a heavier pace than before. I open all the doors and I find nothing. No boy, and no hope.

"Dammit," I yell.

I slam a door and look around the cabin. What am I going to say when I go back without that woman's son. What am I going to say to her. How am I going to make any of this better and more bearable for a mother who has lost her son. Dean walks in.

"Did you find him," he asks looking around. I shake my head and stay silent. He huffs and runs his hands through his hair. "Come on, let's keep looking."

Dean and I walk into a cabin. It's the third last cabin in this entire camp. We stand on the mat at the front and look around. Then we hear something. A little boy's voice speaks through the sound of the rain. He's in another room. I can see the door just open slightly. I begin to walk towards him and I slowly open the door with Dean right behind me. The little boy is standing, facing the wall. Except he's not talking to us. He's talking to the wall. I begin to walk towards him but Dean grabs my arm and I look back at him. Deans eyebrows form a confused and cautious look on his face.

"I'll save my family," the boy says to the wall.

"Hey, kid," Dean says.

The boy stops talking and turns around slowly. "Are you going to give me to him," he asks us.

Dean and I look at each other.

"Give you to who," I ask.

"The man with the black eyes."

Dean grabs the kid and then he begins to run. I follow.

"Dean! What the hell," I yell as we run out of the cabin with the boy.

"There's something out there," Dean yells through the rain.

I look around. They can't get through the fence, can they?

oOo

We run towards the door to the underground house and a tree gets struck with lightning. The sound is so loud it makes the little boy scream in fear.

"Let's go," Dean yells.

I run faster and I reach the door. I grab the keys and begin to unlock it but there's six different ones and I don't know which one it is. I look back at Dean who's watching the tree with a worried look. I look up at it and I hear a snap.

"Shit," I mumble.

The snaps become more frequent and then the tree begins to tilt. I shove another key in the lock. It's not the right one. The snaps become louder and closer together and I look up in terror as the tree begins to fall right over our heads. I shove the next key in and it unlocks.

"Blake," he says as if I don't already notice it falling.

The tree begins to plunge towards us and I kick the door open. The tree is too close to hitting us, I'm not going to make it. It's the boy or me and I choose the boy. I grab him and shove him in the doors and I look up at the tree that is only inches from crushing me. Then I feel myself being pulled back at such a force to knock me off my feet. I fly backwards just as the tree hits the ground. Missing me by a hair. My body lands in the mud with a splash. The impact shoots pain through my body and I look over to see Dean on the ground beside me with the back of my jacket still wrapped up in his hand. He saved me. I roll over and cough from the impact of the fall. He moans and sits up. The tree is blocking our way in. The only way in. Dean and I both look at each other with the same thought. What the hell are we going to do.

By now, the cabins have flooded and the rain hasn't stopped. I look around for some shelter. Anything to protect us from the storm. My eyes fall upon and old '67 Chevy Impala. The thing is dirty and rusty but it'll do. I grab deans jacket and I point to the car. "We can hide in there, Dean." He looks at the car with a reluctant look in his eyes.

"What, Dean? Come on," I pull him a little more and he follows me.

We run to the Impala and I slide in shotgun. Dean opens the door and looks inside of it without getting in.

"What's wrong, Dean?!"

He looks at me and bites his lip. He smacks the top of the car and shakes his head.

"Fuck it," he says as he gets in and slams the door behind him.

I stare at him. Why is he being so weird? Water drips down my chest and he glances over at me.

"I'm soaked," I say.

I take my jacket off and pull my shirt over my head so that I'm only in my tank top which is the least wet of everything. I catch him staring and I throw my wet shirt at him. He chuckles a little. He must have been quite the player before the virus broke out. I can tell he used to be funny. He seems to hide that part of him. I guess in a world like this, there isn't much time for humour.

"Who's car is this," I ask.

He smiles. "Mine."

I look over at him. His smile isn't a happy one though. I can see all the lost memories flashing through his head. This car must have been pretty special.

"It's nice."

He nods and scoffs. "Yea," he says. "It was my dads."

I glance over at him and he glances at me and I swear we were having a moment until a crash of thunder breaks the mood and I look away. He awkwardly clears his throat as if nothing happened. I look and see a small pile of cassette tapes. I grab one. It says "Metallica".

"Are these your dads too," I laugh.

He grabs it from my hand.

"Metallica, Dean. Really?"

He rolls his eyes. I grab another one.

"Creedence Clearwater Revival," I read out loud.

Dean laughs a little. "That one was dads," he says.

"Black Sabbath," I laugh as I pick more up. "Dean, this is like the greatest hits of mullet rock," I add.

He stares at me for a second. His face goes a little more serious. Like what I just said really hurt him.

"What," I ask.

He shakes his head and looks down. "My brother said that exact same thing to me when he first saw those."

I bite the inside of my cheek. Shit. Why do I always screw things up?

"I told him that the driver picks the music and shotgun shuts his cake hole," he says while he stares at one of the tapes with a sad smile on his face.

I look down at my hands. "I'm sorry," I say.

He shakes his head. "It's not your fault. You didn't know."

I tap my fingers on my leg and bite my lip, too afraid to look at him. I look out the window instead. In my daze of frustration and embarrassment, I almost don't notice the dark figure walking outside the fence. I punch Dean in the arm.

"Dean, look," I say, still staring at it. "There's someone out there."

Dean looks outside the window in alert. The cloud of smoke begins to move towards the next tree and Dean gets out of the car. I whip around and I get out too. Within seconds, I'm drenched again.

"What the hell are you doing," I yell at him.

"Stay in the car," he says sternly as the rain drips off his chin.

I step in front of him so that he can't get past me.

"I'm going with you," I say. It doesn't sound as confident as I wanted it to.

"Get back in that car or so help me god I will put you back in it myself," he says. His eyes don't back down and they stare right into me.

"Dean, I can protect myself," I say, defensively.

"You think Croats are bad? Try killing a demon. Not so easy," he says angrily. "

I'm not letting you leave without backup," I say as I cross my arms.

"It's my job to keep you safe," he says, raising his chin.

"And right now, it's my job to keep you safe too! We only have each other out here in case you haven't noticed."

He stares down at me before backing off. "I don't want you to get hurt!"

"I'm not going to get hurt! I have you!"

"I can't lose you, Blake!" His face moves closer to mine. His muscles tense and his jaw clenched.

"What does it matter to you, Dean?!"

He throws his arms out to the side. "Do you even have to ask?!"

I can feel the crease in between my eyebrows. I step back and relieve the tension in between us. "I'm not letting you do this on your own. I... You matter to me too. I don't want you to get hurt. People depend on you. I depend on you. I'm coming with you."

oOo

We walk out of the gate. I remembered to turn the safety off this time. I hold my gun up, waiting for something, anything. I'm not going to lie, I'm terrified. I'm tired and I'm scared and my vision is blurry from all the rain. I'm as off-guard as it gets. Dean walks behind me and and can hear his breaths. They are long and firm, where as mine are short and shaky. I hear a branch snap and I turn quickly with the gun. There's nothing there.

"You're okay, Blake. You're okay, I got you," he whispers.

All of the sudden, Deans body flies through the air and hits a tree. He falls to the ground in pain. My breaths become loud and panicked. I see a man begin to walk towards me.

"Dean," I scream.

I shoot at the man and he keeps walking. I shoot again and four more times after that. I keep shooting except nothing is coming out of the gun anymore. My mac is empty.

"Dean," I yell in a strained voice.

The man gets closer by the seconds.

"Blake," I hear him yell.

I turn and look as a gun flies through the air towards me. I catch it and stare down at it. It's the Colt.

"You don't know me, but I know you," the man starts. His voice is slick and smooth. He doesn't slur or pause. He speaks sharply and with purpose. On the other hand, I can't seem to find my voice. "My name is Linoge," he says. Like from the book. I hold the Colt up and just before I pull the trigger, he stares into my eyes and says, "Hello Blake."

Then I shoot with wide eyes and no air to breathe. I didn't even have time to think. How did he know my name? His body lights up as if someone was burning a fire inside him. He shakes and falls to his knees and then the light inside him goes out. Just like a burnt lightbulb. He falls to the ground, dead. But my mind is somewhere else. Demons can't read minds. Or at least I don't think they can. I feel a hand on my shoulder as dean grabs the gun out of my hands. I don't even look at him. My mouth hangs open and my eyes stare at the body, shocked and confused.

"Are you okay," Dean asks.

"How did he-how is that...," I say in confusion.

"How did he what," Dean asks.

"He knew my name," I barely say. I can't seem to find air to breathe. It's as if what the demon said sucked up all of the oxygen.

"What," Dean says, concerned.

"He knew my name," I say again. "He knew my name, Dean." Dean stares at me in confusion and terror. He looks around before leading me back towards the gate.

oOo

"Gas it, Dean," I yell in frustration.

He hits the gas and mud flies into my face as I push the car from behind. He chained the tree to the impala in an attempt to move the tree out of the way. Mud covers me and I stop pushing after it gets in my eyes.

"What are you doing," he yells.

"I'm wiping the mud out of my eyes, Dean," I snarl back.

I can see him mock my words in the rear view mirror. He gases the car again and I put all my strength into pushing the impala. The car moves forward and the tree follows. I jump out of the way as Dean drives the tree to the side. I stand and wait, covered in mud. He gets out of the car and looks at me, holding back a smart ass smirk.

"Looking good, Hudson," he says jokingly.

I roll my eyes and he opens the door to the underground for me.

oOo

I sit on the floor with everyone else. I clutch my knees to my chest and rest my chin on my knees. The air is muggy and cold. My body shivers under my wet clothes but I can't think about anything else than the demon. He knew my name. How is that possible? I am nothing to anybody who sees me. They practically killed me back in Kansas. I thought it would be a good idea to stay the night in an abandoned building. I was very wrong. They came at me in the middle of the night. They attacked me and right before they did, they said they were sorry but they needed food. They beat me to make me weak. They could see the fear in my eyes but they didn't care. I honestly thought that I was going to die that day. I swear I was more scared of the fact that they were human and were still as monstrous as the actual monsters then I was of the fact that I was minutes from my death. Does war make monsters or do monsters make war? That was a question I have yet to answer. They pinned me to the ground and just as a man with an axe plunging towards my neck in his hands, they all fell to the ground. I sat up with blood and sweat and tears dripping off my face to see a man. He was like a statue. Tall and strong. I spit blood on the ground and attempted to get up but my body was in so much pain I couldn't move. My arm and left leg were definitely broken and maybe a rib but I couldn't tell. I stared up at him and he looked down at me and then I was scared again. He started to approach me and I gave it everything I had to back myself away. I screamed in pain and he looked at me sorrowfully. "I'm not going to hurt you," he said. In that moment I stared up at his golden hazel eyes and I finally had a little hope. "Please help me," I managed. And that was the first time since I was 16 years old that I asked anyone for help. He nodded in sympathy and laid two fingers on my forehead. I closed my eyes and then I felt no more pain. I kept my eyes closed and I thought I had gone to heaven. But I opened my eyes and found myself in that same place, with my blood on the floor and all of my wounds healed. The man was gone and so were my broken bones. Someone, somewhere, must have decided that I was worth saving. The universe must be on my side because there was no way that a small town, washed up, no future orphan would have made it that far if she didn't have help from the flip side. There needs to be something going on with me. I must be the part to something bigger because I have done nothing to prove that I'm worth saving. I should have died that day in Kansas. I should have been decapitated and fed to the hungry. But I wasn't. And that has kept me going. I've made it this far, so why shouldn't I make it all the way.

Dean comes over and wraps a blanket around my shoulders.

"Are you okay," he asks as he sits down beside me.

I stare at the ground. I could tell him I'm fine when I'm really not or I could tell him I'm not fine and have to explain all of the pilling reasons why I am not fine and then that would just take so much time we don't have.

"He knew my name, Dean," I say instead.

Dean glances at the same spot I'm looking. "They're manipulative and they'll do anything to throw you off, Blake."

I look over at him. "How did he know," I ask firmly.

Dean stares at me. "I don't know," he says finally. He hangs his head down in confusion. "You should get some sleep, Blake."

I nod. I know I should get some sleep. But I don't know if I'll ever sleep again. It couldn't have been a coincidence. There's no way. He knew somehow. Someone told him. But why would there be any talk about me in the world of the upper hand?

By the time the morning comes, I still haven't slept and I still haven't stopped worrying. The rain has stopped and everyone is clearing the water out and fixing the cabins. But my question still remains unanswered. Who am I to a demon?

oOo

 ** _thanks for reading;) I'm hoping to get more reviews! And keep following the story because things get very interesting in Dean and Blakes relationship. Thanks xx_**


	7. Chapter 7: Mictian

_**Write a review and fav/follow! Thanks xx**_

oOo

"Blake, please," Adeline carried out. "For me?"

I roll my eyes and let out a loud sigh. "Fine but it's not going to change my mind," I say.

"Church is Gods way of supporting us through these dark times."

I stare at her. She smiles and begins to walk away, expecting me to follow.

"Gods way my ass," I mumble under my breath. I follow her and leave my dignity stranded in the place I once stood.

oOo

I sit in the back row of the tiny church as Adeline joins the choir on the stage. I could be doing productive things right now. Like planning missions and finding ways to kill Lucifer. Or maybe I could figure out how demons know my name. But instead, I'm stuck in this little holy house with a bunch of Sunday schoolers and bible junkies. I believed in God when I actually thought there was a god. But now I'm not so sure. People say that denying gods love is form of lost faith, and maybe it is. But I'd rather be faithless than blind to the fact that this so called God is nothing but a slacker and a dead beat.

Just before the program starts, Dean comes and sits in the back row with me. He shifts uncomfortably and clears his throat.

"What the hell are you doing here," he asks calmly.

"I could ask you the same thing," I whisper.

"I'm coming to see how the other half lives."

I nod. "Well, they still have their heads up there asses," I say.

He laughs a little. "I wouldn't doubt it. They worship a god who's killing humanity and making us suffer all the way to an inevitable death that will most likely be sooner than later." He huffs after he says it. He's frustrated. I am too.

"How do they still believe in him after everything. I mean is He is supposed to be the king of all kings and this great big powerful Heavenly Father, then why is he letting this happen when he possesses the power everyone thinks he has? I mean it's a completely blind faith to someone who probably doesn't exist."

Dean looks over at me. "He does exist, Blake."

I stare at him and raise an eyebrow. "Have I lost you to the Christians as well," I ask.

He smiles and shakes his head. "You know that Cas used to be an angel right?"

I nod. "Ya but he's not anymore," I say.

"Ya, I know. But did it ever occur to you that since there's Angels, there's a God?"

I stare at Dean in realization that I've actually been hating something this whole time. I blink a few times and then look back at the front. He chuckles at the look of sheer confusion on my face. God is real.

oOo

The priest walks up on stage and greets the crowd. "Good morning everyone, I'd like to start the morning off with a prayer."

He bows his head and so does the rest of the crowd. Dean doesn't close his eyes and I don't either.

"Our Father, which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy Name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, As it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive them that trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, The power, and the glory, For ever and ever. Amen." I

look over at Dean. He's staring at me.

"What," I ask.

"You know you mouthed that entire thing out, right?"

I stare blankly at him. I shake my head. "No I didn't," I say.

He smiles a little. "Watch out, prayer is a sign of faith," he says.

I roll my eyes at him. The priest begins to talk again.

"I am here to preach to you today about strength. Now, we of all people know that strength is hard. It means pushing yourself. It means sacrifice. It means being someone you do not approve of. But our father knows that who we are as humans, and who we need to be to survive are two very different people. He knows that we can make it through this. God has given us the strength to come this far. God challenges the ones he knows can handle it. We are all being tested, there's no doubt. But we must push forward through these dark times, for it is God himself who is working his mysterious ways among us."

I look at Dean and raise an eyebrow. This is a load of bull shit.

"How would you like to come to a card game tonight," he whispers in my ear.

I nod at him. "Ya, sure. Just don't cry too hard when I beat you," I say with a smug smile on my face. He chuckles a little as we get up and leave the church without an amen.

oOo

I stare at Dean and then I put my cards down on the table.

"I guess it just not your day," I say with a smug smile as I reveal my straight flush.

Dean hangs his head low and shakes his head. I smile and some men pat me on the back.

"Thank you very much, Dean Winchester. It was a pleasure beating you, it really was," I say.

He puts his cards down and I shut my mouth. "It was a good hand, Blake. It really was. Just not as good as a royal flush."

I close my eyes and bite my lip. Shit. He laughs happily.

"Nice playing you, maybe next time."

He pats me on the back and I roll my eyes. He and all of his buddies laugh at me. I look over at an empty pool table.

"Maybe I could redeem myself in a game of pool," I say.

He raises his eyebrows. "Well if you're looking for redemption, pool isn't the thing to do," he says.

I cross my arms. "Oh yeah," I question.

He smiles. "I haven't lost a game in three years," he says.

I smile and nod. "Well then, I guess you won't have any problem beating me then," I say as I grab a pool cue.

"You're on," he says with a smug smile and a wink. "If I win, I get your dessert for the next 3 months," he says.

I laugh. "Okay, fine. If I win, I get to be on the mission team."

He stares at me. "Fine," he says.

"Great." I smile.

oOo

I knock two of my solids in and I hear people cheer. I'm beating Dean. Almost the entire bar is watching us. Dean looks worried but he's masking it. All I have left is the 8 ball, whereas Dean has three stripes left. All of them are blocking any clean shot I could have. I end up knocking one of his out of the way without sinking anything. He spikes his hair up and points at me.

"This ones for you," he says.

I roll my eyes. I clear my throat just as he hits the white ball and it barely hits a stripe. I laugh and he hangs his head down. The white ball is lined up perfectly with the eight ball. I bend down and breathe in. When I exhale I sink the eight ball right into the back right pocket. People go wild and I throw my hands in the air in happiness. Dean shakes his head. I look over at him.

"Nice playing you, maybe next time," I say, mocking his words.

He rolls his eyes and nods. "Yeah, yeah."

oOo

The crowd is dense and they all begin to talk with each other again. I push through everyone and finally get to Dean. Someone accidentally bumps into me from behind and they push me right into Dean. His hands grab my waist to steady me and I look up at him. We are really close. He looks down at me and I look up at him and we just stand there for a second. Then, I hear a gunshot go off from outside. I flinch and Dean runs outside. I follow closely behind. We walk outside and see all of the guards are still there except for three. I run up to one of them.

"What the hell was that," I ask.

"It came from outside the gate, a few men went out to check the traps, I don't know," he says in panic.

I run out of the gates with empty hands and Dean right behind me. Three men emerge from the bush, carrying a body. A Croats body. Dean stops running and they see him and stop dragging the body.

"Where the hell did he come from," Dean asks.

"We found him in a bear trap, still alive sir."

Dean looks at them in confusion. "How far out," Dean asks. He has a worried look on his face and it's very unsettling.

"100 metres back, Dean," one of them says.

Dean blinks a few times. "That's it?"

They nod.

"That's not... It can't be... Croats don't come this far," Dean says. No one answers him. "Council meeting in ten minutes, tell the others," Dean says and then he walk away.

I run after him. "Dean, what's wrong," I ask.

He shakes his head. "That's not normal, no Croat has ever made it out this far."

I look back at the body. First the demon, now this? Something's off. And something in my gut is telling me it has to do with me.

oOo

"Tonight at 12 is when we leave. We need to kill down the population. I need the tanks in on this too. We need all the help we can get. Any questions?" No one raises a hand. "This meeting is dismissed," Dean says huskily.

Everyone leaves and I'm left in the room with Dean. He ignores that I'm here and looks at the plan he's drawn out.

"Dean," I say.

"What," he snaps back.

"Do you think this has anything to do with, um, me?"

He looks up at me. "No, Blake. It's not going to have anything to do with you once I'm done with it," he says angrily. He doesn't want to think that. And he doesn't hide it. He can't make this go away. Not until we figure out what it even is that we're dealing with. Him and I both know this isn't an over population problem. But he won't admit it. Things could get ugly very soon.

oOo

I tuck a gun in the back of my pants and cover it with my shirt. Dean throws a bag in the back of the truck. I can tell he's still mad. Or maybe he's just scared. Scared that this is out of our hands. He glances over at me. I look away quickly and stare off into the distance. He walks up to me.

"Maybe you should sit this one out," he says.

I look at him and frown. "No, no way. I didn't win that game of pool for nothing," I smile jokingly but he doesn't smile back.

"I'm just-uh- if there is any chance that this has anything to do with you... I just don't want to see you get hurt, thats all."

I nod and put my hands in my pocket. He stares at the ground.

"I'll be fine, Dean," I say as I place a hand on his arm. He looks at the gesture and I quickly clear my throat and take my hands off of him. "Um, sorry," I say in a hushed voice as I avoid eye contact.

He smiles a little. "Don't be sorry." I purse my lips and look at him again. "I've gotta finish packing and stuff... Be careful out there," he says and then he turns away, looking back over his shoulder once.

oOo

The machine gun fires at the crowd of Croats running at us and I empty my mac. I grab the gun I put in the back of my pants and I begin to shoot again. I shoot one right in the head except he doesn't die. I shoot him again in the chest and it has no effect on him.

"What the fuck," I whisper to myself.

It's eyes go black. Like that night my dad left.

"Demon," someone yells.

I glance over at Dean who is a few feet away from me. What if all this time my father didn't actually leave me. What if he was just possessed. I push the thought away. It's too enormous to think about right now. It's too hard. The entire group of Croats are dead. And then there is the demon. He just stands there. I see a giant gun being brought out of the tank. A man aims at the demon and shoots. Except what comes out is no bullet, it's a bag. It has some weird circle on it. Like some magic symbol or something. It traps the demon and four men run out and grab him and then he is thrown into a truck as everyone begins to retreat.

"So what, you're just going to press him for information? It's dangerous, Dean. It's so close to camp- what if something goes wrong," Castiel says to Dean.

Dean rolls his eyes. "It'll be fine. I just want to get this over with," he says while he looks down at the table he's leaning on. The tone of his voice makes me think he doesn't want to do this.

"I don't think he's going to be willing to tell us about the big plans daddy has for everyone," I blurt out.

Dean keeps his head low and doesn't say anything. I glance over at him and cross my arms. Cas leans back in his chair.

"Our fearless leader, I'm afraid, is all too well schooled in the art of getting to the truth," Cas says quietly.

I frown at Dean and cas.

"What's he talking about, Dean?" I immediately regret asking because I know I'm not going to like the answer. Dean looks away.

"Torture is one of the many things you learn when you spend 4 months in hell," Cas says.

I stare at the both of them. I feel a ball of hot wax, stuck in the back of my throat. "You went to hell?"

Dean stands straight and walks out of the room quickly and swiftly. Cas closes his eyes and rubs them with his hand. I clear my throat and turn to follow Dean.

I catch up to him and I grab his shoulder and he turns around and faces me.

"Was that true, Dean?... Hell I mean..."

He takes a deep breath. I'm going to take his silence as a yes.

"Wha-... How?"

He shakes his head. "Sam got himself killed. So I sold my soul to bring him back. Which meant that after a year, i had to serve my time down below." He clears his throat and stares at the ground.

"Dean, I- I'm so sorry." I grab him and hug him and he wraps his arms around my back. "You don't have to do this, we can find another way," I say into his ear.

"I have to be strong, for everyone's sake. Trust me, there's nothing I hate more but it has to be done."

I shake my head and I let go and look at his face. His eyes are scared, terrified but his face doesn't show it.

"What if I just tried talking to it, it-," I'm cut off.

"No, no way. You're not going in there with that thing."

"He's tied back, Dean. I'll be fine. And plus I'll have you there in case anything goes wrong."

He scoffs and shakes his head. "Fine, but if things begin to go squirrelly, I want you out of there right away." I nod.

...

Dean throws the door open and I see a man. He sits in a chair in the centre of the same symbol I saw on the bag. He slim and old with snow white hair. He smiles smugly at us as we walk in. His eyes rest upon me. I frown a little at the glance. There's three of us in here and he only stares at me. Dean catches the threatening glances the demon is giving me, and he steps just slightly in front of me. The demon smiles and tilts his head.

"Aw, isn't that sweet. Your boyfriend protecting you. It's not going to matter much when I rip your head off," he says with a smile.

It makes me flinch a little. The sound of his voice reminds me of death. It's harsh but slick and it leaves me feeling like I just lost something important to me. The demon drops the smile and looks at Dean.

"I hope you know what you've gotten yourself into, big boy. And Castiel," the demon starts as he moves his eyes to Cas. "Old friend. It seems as if you've lost your wings," the demon says with a laugh.

Castiel frowns a bit. "Mictian," Castiel says.

The demon smiles. "It has been a while. Isn't this impressive though? We've got the whole world under our thumb! We no longer have to hide from you."

Dean steps forward. "I don't think some low life nobody demon should be talking so much smack when you're in a room of angry humans who have the power to send you packing right back to hell," Dean says.

Mictian laughs. "Oh please. You don't even know who I am. Here, let me fill you in. I'm Mictian the official demon of death and I am not to be messed with. You're in over your head Dean Winchester."

Dean looks over at me and then at cas. "Get her out of here," he nods.

"No, Dean, I can handle-," the demon cuts me off. "No please, let Blake stay."

Castiel stops in his tracks and so do Dean and I. I step forward towards Mictian.

"How'd you know my name," I ask.

He smiles and chuckles a little. "I'm surprised the three of you haven't figured it out yet. Especially you, cas. I mean you must have really lost your touch."

We all glance at each other in confusion.

"Oh come on! She's a spitting image of Abelia. You know, the love of both Lucifer and Michael. She's like you, Dean! A doppelgänger basically. And you know what sweetheart? Satan is looking for you. What's a king without a queen right? Will he ever be happy to see you!"

We all stand silent. Dean stands there, mouth slightly open and eyes searching for something, anything. I clear my throat and Dean walks up to the demon and smacks both his hands down on each arm of the chair.

"Well, when you're down in hell again and we send satan down there too, you can tell him all about the time you laid eyes upon Blake Hudson but there'll be nothing you can do about it," Dean says.

Mictian laughs. "Oh please, he's so close to finding her. The only thing he'll be telling me about down in hell is how many times he bent her ov-," he's cut off as dean pours water down Mictians mouth. It burns in his mouth like acid and he spits it out.

"How does that holy water taste," Dean says smugly.

"Like your mothers-," Dean pours holy water in his mouth again. The demon screams and then laughs it off.

"Where's lucifer," Dean asks.

"Kansas City. Trust me, he'll be happy I told you. It'll be like shooting crabs in a bucket for him. He gets his girl and he gets to kill you. It'll be the best day of his life!"

Dean throws the bottle of water across the room and I jump at the sound.

"He's got everybody out on the look for her. Croats, demons, vamps, werewolves, the whole nine yards. It's going to be hard to hide for much longer."

Dean shakes his head. "Finish him, Cas."

Dean opens the door and walks away and I follow as Castiel begins to speak something in Latin.

I catch up to Dean and walk beside him. Neither of us say anything and it gives me time to come to the realization that I have a destiny that I don't want, not even in the slightest.

"Are you okay," Dean finally asks.

"I don't want this, Dean... I'm scared."

"You're gonna be fine, I promise."

"I'm destined to be with _Lucifer_ , Dean."

"Or Michael," he argues.

"Who the hell is Michael?!"

He laughs a little. Not a funny laugh. More of a hysterical 'oh shit' laugh.

"Funny you should say that. I'm just like you. You're the meat suit for Abelia, Sam was the meat suit for Lucifer and I'm the meat suit for Michael."

This is too weird. Everything I am, or was, was all part of something so much bigger. All I am is an added bonus to an evil plan.

"So why did you end up Dean Winchester instead of Michael the archangel?" I place my hands in my pockets and look up at him.

"It would have killed a lot of people if I let him take over my body. Plus who would want to give this up." He puts his hands out to the side to show me his body. He laughs a little. He may have picked the worst time to make that joke but it makes me laugh anyways.

"Dean Winchester actually has a sense of humour," I declare.

He laughs. God, it's beautiful when that boy smiles.

"Yeah, yeah. I used to be a pretty funny guy you know."

I smile and he smiles back. I want to stay here. I want to stay with Dean. What am I going to do when lucifer finds me. I don't even want to imagine what I'll have to go through. And then I remember the black eyes and my father the night he left.

"Dean?"

He looks down to me. "Yeah?"

"Demons, um- they have black eyes?"

He nods. "Yeah. Why?"

I shake my head. "I killed an innocent man, you know that?"

He frowns. "What?"

"The night my dad left, his eyes were black. He was acting so weird and I thought I was just overtired and that's why I saw his eyes like that. My dad never left me Dean. I killed him for no reason at all."

I barely make it to the end of my sentence. Dean steps in front of me and I stop walking.

"It's not your fault," he says and he puts both his hands on my arms.

"Dean, its _all_ my fault!"

He grabs me and pulls me into him. His arms wrap around me and hold me tight and I take a deep breath. I want to find the demon who did this. I want to find it and I want to kill it. My family was ruined because of that. My mother died because of that.

oOo

 ** _thanks for reading:) write a review and fav/follow!_**


	8. Chapter 8: Hope Breeds Eternal Misery

**_Some Blake and Dean romance coming soon! Thanks for reading, don't forget to write a review and fav/follow!_**

oOo

"Now, I know y'all are upset. I've had people coming to me and asking me why God could possibly be doing this to us. Why is he punishing us all? Where is his mercy? How could our all mighty God who we praise and look up to let this happen?"

The priest pauses and looks at the crowd. It's almost a look of lost faith.

"I don't believe that 'God works in mysterious ways' is what y'all wanna hear right now so I'm going to ask y'all a question. Do you believe in church, or do you believe in God?"

Even though it was silent in here before, the room is quiet enough to hear how many people are holding their breath. People sit uncomfortably and begin to question themselves. I even begin to question myself.

"I read a quote the other day that I brought here for you. A woman named Rabia Al Adawiyya was seen running through the streets of Basra carrying a pot of fire in one hand and a bucket of water in the other. When asked what she was doing, she said, 'I am going to take this bucket of water and pour it on the flames of hell, and then I am going to use this torch to burn down the gates of paradise so that people will not love God for want of heaven or fear of hell, but because he is God.'"

For some reason it makes sense. And it could very well be the reason we are in the apocalypse.

"Maybe God is punishing us because we only want God to love us because of what he is capable of. Maybe we need to ask ourselves if we have only been on Gods side all this time just so that we get a better after life. Now this woman, she said, 'Even if heaven and hell did not exist, would it not be proper for us to obey Him? He is worthy of worship without any other motive.' And that my friends is what we need to learn. We need to learn how to worship God. Not heaven or hell. God."

oOo

"Blake, I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I promise."

I roll my eyes at Dean. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Dean."

He stares at me and clenches his jaw from the table he sitting at. "What if I told you I found a way," he says.

I squint my eyes at him. "What are you talking about," I ask.

Cas sits in the other chair comfortably and watches us converse.

"I'm talking about a way to get Lucifer back in the cage."

I pull a chair out and sit down. "How?"

Cas sits up. "It depends on how you feel about dying," Cas says.

I frown with wide eyes. "What?"

"You're not going to die, Jesus Christ, Cas. Scare the poor girl," Dean snarls giving Cas a dry 'fuck you' look.

Cas leans back into his chair.

"You're not gonna die because you're not going to come."

"Come where, Dean," I ask loudly.

"To find the rings of the four horsemen. If you find all four you can open a passage to hell and if we can do that, we can push satan back down where he belongs."

I smile a little.

"The only question is how are we going to get him in there? I mean, I don't think he's just going to jump voluntarily," Cas adds.

"I can do it," I say.

"No," Dean says right after.

"If he wants me so bad then maybe I can trick him, catch him off guard and push him in."

Cas nods in agreement.

"Absolutely not! Over my dead body," Dean says. "We don't even know where they are anyways!"

"Well then let's go find them," I say.

Dean stares at me as if he can read my thoughts. "I know what you're thinking Blake Hudson, and the answer is no."

"Oh ya? What am I thinking, Dean?"

He points his finger at me. "You're thinking that when the time comes I'll be desperate enough to let you do it. We can go find the ring, sure. But it won't change the fact that you won't be the one to put the devil back in the pit."

"Dean-"

"No, it's not happening. You could die or get dragged down with him, and trust me; hell is not a fun place. Who knows what could go wrong."

I roll my eyes. "Maybe it's not your decision to make," I say as I cross my arms.

Cas's eyes shoot wide open and he purses his lips. Dean stares back at me.

"It's my job to keep the people in this camp safe. You being out there with the _devil_ , not safe."

I back down but this is far from over. "Who are the four horsemen," I ask.

"You've got War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death. They each carry a ring and if we can find all four, we can get started on saving the world," Castiel says.

"Okay so, where do we start," I ask.

"Fort Laramie, Wyoming," Dean says. I raise an eyebrow in question. "Tanks said the found dead Croats. Killed by sickness," Dean adds.

"Sickness?"

"They may be infected but they're nothing powerful. Pestilence could have easily whipped up something to kill them off."

"Okay, then let's go," I say. Dean shoots me a glance of refusal.

"We don't have the man power yet," Cas says.

"You've got me," I say.

Dean opens his mouth to speak but Castiel cuts him off. "Great," Cas says to me.

I smile lightly and we get up and pass Dean on our way out. Dean throws his hands out to the side and watches is leave.

"Unbelievable," he mumbles.

oOo

I shoot can after can, hitting each in the center. Just like how I shot my father in the head. This changes everything. Everything I have told myself, everything I have blamed on myself, it's not my fault. But the weight that should have been lifted off my shoulders was replaced by the weight of knowing I killed my father, an innocent man who never stopped loving me. The weight of knowing that I never got to say goodbye and I have nothing left of him. Just broken memories and patchy childhood recollections.

I shoot the next row of cans I have set up. I aim for the farthest one and I breathe in.

"Hey, Blake."

I jump a little at the sound and miss the shot. "Jesus Christ, you made me miss my shot," I yell.

Dean stands there, pleased with himself.

"Why are you here," I ask.

He shrugs. "Just came to see how you're holding up, with your dad and you know..."

I turn and face my back to him as I raise my gun and shoot the can. "I'm fine," I say more harshly than intended.

"How about the whole satan thing?"

I look back at him. "I still think that I'm the only one who can do it."

Dean shakes his head. "I don't think you understand, you could fall into hell with him."

"And save the world doing it, Dean. I am one person who could save all of us who are left. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices. And if that's what it takes, then yeah, I'm ready to die."

"Or we find a different way and no one dies. Blake, this is hell we're talking about. It's not a walk in the park."

I move towards him. "What was hell like, Dean?" I stare at him only to see him staring back at me, jaw clenched and pained eyes. I shouldn't have said that.

"I don't talk about that," he says as he begins to walk away.

"Dean-,"

"I don't wanna talk about it, Blake. Okay?!"

"I didn't mean to-"

"Don't. I don't want to talk about hell. And I don't want you to have to experience it either. Drop it."

He looks away and then walks back to camp and I'm left alone again.

oOo

I knock on Deans door and I stand and wait for someone to answer. I didn't mean to hurt him, I really didn't. I just don't understand why he is so intent on keeping me away from every sign of danger. I walked hundreds of miles and didn't get killed. He's being overprotective and it's making some dangerous liaisons.

He opens the door and checks me out as he leans against the door frame in his army green long sleeve and black worn out jeans. He chews the inside of his lip and his eyes meet mine. I feel like his eyes can see every inch of my body even though I'm fully clothed. He's looking at me with this hunger in his eyes. But for what?

"Hi," he says.

His hair is messy and his eyes are glowing green.

"Hey, look I just wanted to apologize about earlier, it was dumb and I shouldn't have said it. You don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm sure there are a lot of people more qualified to hear it... People that you actually like," I say with a small desperate smile.

"You think I don't like you?"

I shift my eyes to his lips. They look soft and nice. Like perfect kissing lips.

"Well... Um-I... I just was way out of line to ask you that and if you need your space I get it."

He does a quick nod and then body scans me again. His eyes undress me and it makes me want to erase the space between us.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that," I ask.

His eyes quickly find mine again. "Like what?"

"Like you're trying to seduce me."

He raises his eyebrows. "Is it working?"

I punch him in the shoulder. "You're going to have to do better than that," I say.

He nods as I begin to walk away from his doorstep. "Challenge accepted," he yells after me.

"Yeah, yeah." I wave his comment away and roll my eyes even though he can't see it.

oOo

I sit down at the bar and Jack hands me a drink.

"You here by yourself," he asks. I nod and smile politely. "Surprised Dean isn't with you."

I scowl. "Why are you suprised?"

He shrugs. "I don't know, you two seem to be together an awful lot, but it's none of my business."

"You think we spend a lot of time together," I ask.

He shrugs again. "A fair amount," he states. "And you know he has never shared a glass of moonshine with anyone before. Not until you."

I swirl my drink around in my cup and think about what I have been told. I can't deny that I'm attracted. I just don't want to be. There's no room for love in this world anymore. I don't even know what love is anyways.

By my ninth drink, I'm completely out of it. I lean my head onto the table and I could almost fall asleep right here but even in my midst of a drunken haze, I know I should pull it together an leave. I stand up and everything is spinning. I'm never going to make it back to my cabin. I don't even know why I drank so much. One minute I had a casual two glasses and then the next thing I know, I'm seeing doubles. I grab my table to steady myself and someone grabs me. I place my glass down on the table and I clearly put it down harder than I wanted to because the glass smashes into pieces.

"Alright there, barfly. Time to go."

It's Dean. I don't want him to see me like this. I just nod in agreement. I guess I just wanted to forget about everything that was going on. I needed to get out of my head. It only lasted a little while though. Reality has a way of finding you.

Dean sits me down on my bed and all my thoughts I was trying to block out come crashing in much harder than before. I close my eyes and even though my blood is alcohol at this point, my mind just doesn't want to rest. It wants to think about satan and how close Dean is to me right now. He's about to leave but I grab his hand. I don't say anything but I don't really think I need to. We know what each of us are thinking even in silence. He pulls up a chair beside my bed and watches me fall asleep. His presence makes me feel safe. Safe enough to fall asleep even when there is so much wrong. I drift away and so does Dean.

oOo

I wake up with someone laying right beside me. I open my eyes quickly and see Dean. I back up quickly with a gasp and fall of my bed in the process.

"Dean," I yell.

He shoots out of bed and I stare at him. Oh my god. Did I hook up with him?

"Oh no. No no no no no," I begin.

Dean puts his hands out. "Calm down, what's wrong, Jesus Christ?!"

I shake my head frantically and try to breathe. "Did we..."

Dean smiles and shakes his head. "No, we didn't. You can breathe again."

I sigh in relief. "Then what the hell are you doing in my bed?!"

He throws his hands out to the side. "You don't remember anything, do you."

I scowl. I don't. I remember drink number one and then it just went downhill from there.

I shake my head. "Why are you in my bed, Dean."

He smiles and winks. "I guess that's for you to figure out." He tilts his head, completely thrilled with himself. I throw a pillow at him. He laughs. "Okay, okay. I brought you home and then you wanted me to stay so I was trying to sleep on that chair but I wasn't having the best of luck so I just laid down beside you."

I roll my eyes and nod my head. "Well thank you for bringing me home. I'll see you later," I say. "

You're not even going to make me breakfast," he says sarcastically.

I stand up and grab a pillow and hit him in the face with it.

"Fine, I'm leaving! I was really hoping I wouldn't have to do the walk of shame today," he smiles after he says it.

I hit him again and this time I don't stop. He laughs and puts his hands up to protect himself.

"Okay, that's it! You're gonna get it now," he yells.

He grabs the pillow and throws it to the side and I hold my hands out to stop him but I begin to run away instead. He grabs my hips from behind and picks me up and throws me over his shoulder.

"Dean! Let go of me," I laugh.

He throws me down onto the bed and gets on top of me and pins me down. He holds my hands above my head and then he stares down at me. We both breathe heavily and he smiles as he looks into my eyes. His smile begins to fade and he searches my face. I look at his lips but I quickly look away. I can feel a sin coming on. Our lips are so close even the slightest movement would cause them to touch. I want to lean in and press every inch of my skin to his. I want to rip his clothes off and stay in this bed with him forever. But I know I can't. I'm destined to be taken away. I don't want to cause any pain to Dean. He deserves so much better. I'm never going to be good for him anyways. All I do is get the people that I love killed. I'm not worth dying for. Dean moves down on me but I move my face quickly.

"Dean, I can't," I say.

I don't look at him because I'm afraid of what I'll see. Or of what I'll want to do.

"I'm not a person you want to be with."

He scoffs. "Says who," he asks defensively.

"Says me, Dean. Find someone who doesn't have a death sentence over their head. You deserve better than that. Being with me, it'll only cause you pain."

He shakes his head. "You don't get to decide that for me. I can make my own choices."

"Dean, lucifer is going to find me! You heard what the demon said. He's going to take me and then you're never going to see me again. Just save yourself the trouble and let it go."

Dean sits up and shakes his head. Then he gets up and storms off, slamming the door behind him. It's better this way. But I still feel myself longing for him to be close to me again. It's as if the universe is pulling every fibre in my body towards him. All I want is him, every minute of every day. He consumes my thoughts, my dreams, my blood. Every inch of me wishes that he would come crashing through that door for me. But I know I have to break my own heart to save his.

oOo

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	9. Chapter 9: As the Crow Flies

**_So for some reason my image manager won't let me upload the cover for this story and its pissing me off but I'm gonna keep trying:) thanks for reading, please follow/fav and write a review! I love reading your comments on my story! Thanks xx._**

oOo

Everyone stands and watches the raven fly overhead. Most of them probably haven't seen wildlife in over a year. Castiel and Dean walk up beside me. They don't look pleased, whereas everyone smiles and points.

"This can't be good," Castiel says.

I look over at him. "Why not?!"

He shakes his head. "I feel a bad presence. A raven is a bad omen. And of all the birds... I don't think it's here to do good."

Dean still avoids looking at me. He's still upset about what I said yesterday. "What do you want us to do Cas," Dean asks.

"Shoot it."

Dean points a gun in the air and shoots the bird without a moment of hesitation. People scream as the bird falls. He just shot the only ounce of hope the people had. The birds falls to the ground and Cas walks up to it. He takes a knife and cuts its body open. I expect blood to pour out and guts to sprawl across the ground but I am taken aback when I see that the raven is filled with maggots. No blood or guts, just maggots.

"Cas, what the hell is wrong with that bird," Dean asks.

Just before Cas answers, more birds fly overhead. This time there are six crows. They circle over head and then they swoop down towards me. People begin to run but I stay where I am. The birds don't follow the people. They come straight for me. Dean fires and shoots them all. More begin to fly over and they swoop down towards me.

"They're here for Blake! Take her and hide her," Castiel yells.

Dean tosses Cas the gun and Cas begins to shoot at them. One gets to me and its claws grab my hair. I scream and Dean punches the bird but the bird flies away. Cas tries to shoot it but it misses.

"Dean we need to get that bird," Cas yells.

"Let it go, Cas take cover," Dean yells back.

"They were sent by satan, Dean. They had to have been. They know she's alive. And the know where she is."

Dean stares at Cas desperately. "Go inside, lock the doors, stay hidden, I'll be back," Dean says to me. I nod and run to my cabin as Dean and Cas jump into a jeep and chase the bird.

oOo

I sit on the ground and wait patiently with a crowbar in hand. I hear a loud bang outside the door and frankly, I don't know what to expect. I stand up and stand beside the door, ready to hit anything that walks through. The door opens quickly and I swing the crowbar but the person I'm swinging at grabs it. I stare at Dean with wide eyes.

"Why don't you watch what you're doing," he says.

"Did you get the bird?"

He nods. "Ya, we got him." I sigh in relief.

Cas walks through the door abruptly. "It's definitely satan. He's looking for you. God, Mictian was right all along."

"I don't even understand what he wants," I say.

Dean looks over at me. "He wants his true love." Deans stare lingers as if it had more than one meaning. Like there was a hidden message his eyes told and only I could read it.

"Sorry to break the moment," Cas says, "but I need to get back out there and get everyone safe. Dean, you stay with Blake and make sure she isn't seen. Be careful." He smiles sadly and then walks out.

Dean raises his eyebrows and then takes a seat. I've been itching to make this silence disappear in between us. I know it's my fault.

"You're awfully quiet," I say.

He nods. "Not much to say."

I frown. "Not much to say or not much to say to me," I ask.

He looks over at me and then looks away. "I have a lot to say, Blake. But I'm not sure you're gonna want to hear it," he says with a harsh tone.

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Dean. I'm trying to save you the pain."

He shakes his head and laughs. "No, no you're not. You're trying to save _you_ the pain. I'm a big boy, I can make my own decisions about what I want."

I squint at him and cross my arms. "Wow you've got it all figured out don't you!"

He stands up and begins to walk towards me. "Don't think for a second that I don't know what you're trying to do here," he yells.

"Oh yea?! What am I doing, Dean?!"

"You're being selfish! You're causing everyone pain except yourself!"

"Oh please! That's all you ever do!"

He is coming closer than he should. "I don't think that's the card you should be pulling right now!... You don't get to choose for me!"

"Well I am!"

"I know what I want, Blake!"

"What, Dean?! What do you want?!"

He stares at me desperately. The only sound is our frantic breaths and our hearts beating out of our chests. He grabs the back of my head and pushes his lips onto mine. His hand pushes my back towards him causing me to press up against him. His lips are soft and sweet, just like I imagined. This is not a good thing. I don't know how to breathe. I don't know how to think. I don't know how to love. Shit. I don't know how to love. But this, it feels so much like love. I want it to be love. I want it to be long talks and kisses and hugs and salvation and even a little sin. I want it to be love so bad. I put my hands in his hair and kiss him desperately as a last act of a doomed girl. He releases softly and looks into my eyes with his forehead pressed against mine.

"That's what I want," he says.

I close my eyes and try and think of something to say. Maybe I have nothing to say because I'm too empty, or maybe I have nothing to say because I'm too full. I just want to kiss him again and never let it end.

"Promise me I'm not going to have to let you go, Dean."

He smiles and kisses me again. "I promise."

Just then, we hear screams from outside. Deans head pops up in alert. "I'll be right back, stay here."

oOo

I start to hear more frequent screams. Something bad is happening. I know Dean told me to stay here but I'm not going to let people get hurt. This is my fault anyways. The blood will be on my hands. I grab my gun and walk out the door as the lockdown siren ripples through the air. I run out and watch as the birds swoop down and attack people. I stand there, completely startled until I here a scream of a voice I know. Adeline. I look over and see a vulture attacking her as she falls to the ground. I run towards her and take my gun out and shoot. The bird falls limp and Adeline cries in pain. I grab her and lift her up.

"Hey, you're okay, it's not even that bad, you're fine," I say.

She shakes with fear and I wipe a tear off her face.

"Go to the hospital okay?"

She nods and holds the bloody gash the bird made on her arm. She turns and runs. Just as I turn around a bird flies right into my face, knocking me over, another vulture. I scream and try and get it off me but it soon releases who I am and then begins to fly away. It lets out a screech and all the birds begin to turn away. They know it's me.

"No no no no," I say.

I begin to shoot at the birds but there's too many. They fly away and Dean runs out and grabs me.

"What the fuck are you doing out here?! I told you to stay inside!"

I nod. "I know, I'm sorry."

"God dammit, Blake! I ask one fucking thing!" He shakes his head in frustration and looks up at the sky. "They're gone," he says. I look down and wait for him to realize. "Wait did they- did you... Please tell me what I'm thinking is wrong." I don't say anything. He puts his hands on his head and closes his eyes.

oOo

"Cas, where's the jeep," Dean yells as he bursts into Cas's cabin and I follow behind.

"Dean, we can't fix this," I say softly.

He ignores it.

"Why, what happened," Cas asks.

"They found her, Cas. They know she's here and she's alive so let's go and kill them before it's too late," Dean says harshly.

"Dean we're never going to catch them now," I say.

He whips around and stares at me. "Yes we are," he yells.

Cas sits down on a chair as if he's preparing.

"You can't save everyone, Dean," I say.

"You think that's gonna stop me from trying?"

I look away. "I'm not going to let you risk your life for me Dean. It's too dangerous. I'm only one person. It's not worth it."

He looks into my eyes with so much pain I think he could very well crumble into a million pieces right in front of me.

"How can you say that? It's worth it to me. It's so worth it. I promised I wouldn't let you die, I'm not breaking it."

I shake my head. "They're gone, Dean. There's nothing we can do."

He turns around and punches Cas's mirror on the wall. Now I know what Cas was expecting. He goes to throw a lamp but I grab him.

"Dean, stop."

He throws my arm off and storms out, knocking a pile of books off the table. I look over at Cas and we know what we're going to say but we don't speak. The silence tells it all. I didn't think it was going to end this way. I don't want it to end this way. Then the sound of tires on gravel makes its way through Cas's door. My eyes go wide and I stare at Cas.

I run out to see Dean driving away in a jeep on his own. "Dean," I scream but he doesn't stop. I start to chase the jeep but it's too fast. I breathe heavily and try and catch up but my speed is nothing compared to the jeep. I stop running and I'm left in the dust. I run my hands through my hair and try and think of what to do. He's going to get hurt out there on his own. I need to go after him.

I run back to Cas's cabin and grab a pair of keys and run out. Cas watches me, confused. He yells my name and I get into a truck and start it up. I see Castiel running towards me and I realize I have no weapons. Cas opens the door and hops in and I begin to drive. "What the hell are you doing," Cas yells. I don't reply. He sighs and hands me a gun. I take it and drive faster.

Cas shoots into the air and hits a bird. It falls from the sky and my eyes search for Dean. The birds begin to come down and attack our truck. Cas shoots but I do the windows up. The birds plummet down towards us and smash the front windshield. I scream and swerve on the road. The bird lays limp in the truck from the impact and I get a grip on the steering wheel again. Another bird hits the window and cracks it but it's doesn't break. More and more keep coming down and I swerve all over the road, trying to dec them out. I see Dean jeep ahead. It's flipped over. My breathing becomes harsh and I speed up. A bird flies in through the front of the truck and misses my head by inches. Cas shoots it in the back seat. I pull over where deans jeep is.

"Cas, cover me," I say.

I run out of the truck and up to the jeep. Dean is hanging upside down, unconscious.

"Dean," I yell.

He takes a deep breath in and opens his eyes.

"Blake?"

"Put your hands on the roof," I say.

He does as he's told. I undue his seatbelt and hold his back and put him down on the roof. I only know how to do this because when I was seventeen I got into a car crash and I was stuck upside down. The firefighter told me what to do and now I'm telling Dean. I grab Dean and pull him out but get knocked over from the side. A vulture gets on top of me and I struggle as it claws at me. I put my arms over my head and scream for Cas. Cas's gun goes off. The bird falls limp and I get up slowly. I look back at Dean who is falling asleep.

"Dean! Stay with me," I say.

I grab his head and put it in my lap.

"No. Don't you dare die. Don't make me lose you too."

I can feel tears begin to fall from my eyes. He wakes up again but just slightly. I grab him and Cas helps me pick him up and we carry him into the backseat. I look back up at the sky. The birds are flying away. Anything could happen now. I could die and take everybody with me. They know where I am. They know where everyone is.

oOo

I stare at him as he sleeps in the hospital bed. I shake my head just thinking about how dumb that was of him. And then when I saw him like that... I couldn't think of anything worse than him being in pain. It hurt me to see him like that. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Hey," I hear him say.

I open my eyes quickly and lean towards him.

"Don't worry about me," he says softly. His eyes are open just slightly.

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

He smiles. I don't smile. "You could've died," I add. Tears well up in my eyes.

"But I didn't," he says.

I shake my head. "This isn't a joke, Dean. God, I saw you and I couldn't help but think... Just the thought of you being gone, it was enough to ruin me. It took everything I had to go over to that jeep. Not knowing what I was going to see..."

I bite my tongue and look down at my hands as a tear falls onto my lap. I sniffle and he grabs my hand and holds it. I look back at him.

"Dean, I was so scared. I was terrified that you were dead."

I barely make the last few words out.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"People care about you, Dean. I care about you."

He nods. "I know," he says with sympathy.

"Then why do you do this? You make a reckless decision and you get yourself hurt and then other people get hurt when they see you like that," I say.

"Because that's what I do, Blake. I hurt the people I love. It's just who I am."

I stare at him. Did he just sort of say he loved me? He stares at me in realization of what he just said. He looks away quickly.

"Look, how you're feeling now, with me here like this, that's how I feel about you."

I look away. He's right. I'm getting mad at him for doing the same thing I've done. And this time there's nothing he can do about it.

"People care about you too. Me especially."

I shake my head. "That's not fair," I say. "You could have prevented this from happening to you. I can't... I can't stop what's going to happen to me. It's my fate."

He stares at me with sad eyes. "I don't believe that for a second. You can change fate, Blake. Trust me I would know. I should be dead. Matter of fact I have died before. You just fight until the end. Go down swingin'."

I sit and glance at him in silence. I look at his lips. He kissed me today. I haven't even thought about it. Everything just happened so fast that I didn't have time to think. But thinking about now brings me equal parts pain and pleasure.

"We should talk about earlier," I begin.

"I don't want to talk about that," he says.

I frown. Maybe he thinks it was a mistake. "Why?"

"Because. I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear you say it. It hurts too much."

I nod. "You should get some rest," I say as I stand.

He smiles faintly and I walk out of the room leaving nothing but unanswered feelings that are haunting us both.

oOo

 ** _changing the rating to M for next chapter... You know what that means... Thanks for reading, don't forget to follow/fav and write a review! Thanks!_**


	10. Chapter 10: Saved by the Bell

**_I changed the rating to M... Smut warning right now! Write a review and tell me your thought I'm always open to ideas. Make sure to fav/follow as well._**

oOo

I stand in a dark room with Dean and Cas. Cas strikes a match and the flame shines as we all watch it. Dean stands tall with his arms crossed and a calm look on his face. Whereas I'm terrified. I haven't had the best experience with demons in the past. Cas throws the match into a bowl of carefully chosen objects. The bowl lights up with fire and we all look around, waiting for anything to happen. Dean takes out his gun and moves closer to me. A man appears in the corner.

"This better be good," the demon says. "Dean, Blake, my favourite ex angel," he says acknowledging us. "You caught me at a very unfortunate time. I was having some fun for once and then you three head cases call me over."

"Tell me, what does a demon do for fun," Dean asks.

The demon laughs. "You don't want to know. So, I guess I'll just have to make my own fun here and listen to you scream for mercy before I rip your heads off."

Dean puts his gun away and crosses his arms again. "I'm sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you over your ego," Dean says.

The demon tries to step forward but he can't. Dean looks up at the Devils trap on the ceiling and the demon sighs. Dean looks at Cas and nods. They move in and throw the demon down in the chair, strapping him down so fast he doesn't even have time to stop them.

"Where's War's ring," Cas yells.

The demon rolls his eyes. "And why would I tell you that?"

"Because you're War's right hand man," Dean says. "You would know."

The demon smiles and shrugs. Dean pours holy water on him and the demons skin smokes violently as he groans. Dean takes a knife out.

The demon laughs. "Look at you. You're no better than the monsters in hell. Carving for pleasure."

Dean doesn't say anything. He stabs the knife into the demons thigh. The demon screams in pain as his leg lights up slightly.

"Where the hell did you get that," the demon says through gritted teeth.

"Where's the ring," Dean asks again.

"With War you stupid idiot," he growls.

Dean kneels down and becomes level with the demon. "You don't think I haven't tried that already? War's dead and the ring isn't with him. Who'd he leave it to?"

The demon tilts his head and looks at me. "I can see why Satan wants you," he says to me, avoiding deans question.

I straighten up and look down at him like I am more superior when really I'm shaking in fear.

"You've got it going on young lady." I scowl.

"Where's the ring," Dean repeats. The demon continues to examine me. Eating me with his eyes.

"I might spill a few beans for some kind gestures from Mrs. Lucifer."

Dean stabs him in the leg again and he screams. "Or I could just do that," Dean says.

"How's it going to feel when the girl you're in love with is being fucked by Lucifer? And there'll be nothing you'll be able to do about it. I bet she'll enjoy it too."

Dean stabs him in the other leg and slowly pulls the knife through the demon entire leg as it yells in pain.

"I'm going to give you one last chance," Dean says.

"Go to hell," the demon yells.

"Regna terrae, cantate Deo, psallite Domino qui," Dean begins. The demon yells. "fertis ascendit super caelum caeli ad Orientem-"

"Okay, okay, fine, I'll tell you," the demon says, breathless. Dean stops speaking Latin. The demon breathes heavily as he hunches over in his chair. "You ever heard of the lady with the ring?" The demon glances at us all.

"I'm listening," Dean says.

"Woman got buried alive by accident. She would have died too but an idiot hunter just like you dug her grave up to steal the ring she had; War's ring. So he dug her up and she woke up. Now the story is told a little different than what actually happened. See the woman suffered from some brain damage because of the oxygen deprivation. She went nutzo and killed her entire family. She buried them alive. And then she was hung for murder. Now she haunts some big old house where she lived when she was alive. And she buries her victims alive. Dozen of mysterious disappearances over there. You find her burial site, you get the ring. Now let me go."

"Where was she burried," I ask. He smiles at me and his glance swallows me whole.

"What will you do for me if I tell you?"

"Answer the question," I snap back.

"Iowa. Storm Lake. Now could I please get back to what I was doing?"

Dean begins to leave and he puts his arm on my back, moving me to the door. "Send him packing Cas," Dean says. Cas begins to speak Latin and the demon yells.

"Ready for a roadtrip," Dean asks.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

oOo

I sit in the jeep with Dean and he drives in silence. I'm nervous. I've never dealt with ghosts before. I didn't even think they were real. How do you even kill a ghost?

"Are you okay over there," Dean asks. I jump at the sound of his voice. He chuckles. "You look like you're going to pass out," he laughs.

I take a deep breath. "Sorry, I haven't exactly hunted a ghost before. I know next to nothing about them."

"They hate salt. You make a barrier of salt around you and they can't get to you. Those shotgun shells I gave you, they're filled with rock salt. You shoot a ghost with those and they disappear for a minute but it doesn't kill them. They hate iron. Hit 'em with anything iron and they disappear for a minute or two. But to kill one, you've gotta get the remains. Burn their remains and you're home free... Unless they are attached to an object."

I stare at him. "What the hell does that mean?"

"Ghosts can latch on to an object and as long as that object is safe, so is the ghost. You find the object, you burn it, the ghost is gone."

I nod. He looks so comfortable driving. It looks like the most natural thing for him. I want to kiss him again. But I know I can't.

"Dean, the other day, I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have let that happen. I'm not good for you, or anyone."

He glances at me and his eyes are like knives that stare right into the empty parts of me.

"You're the best thing for me. I don't know how you don't see that."

I frown. "What are you talking about," I say.

"Ever since you got here, everything has been better for me. I remember what it's like to have someone again. Someone to fight for. Someone I would save before anyone else, even myself. I don't feel so..."

"So what," I ask.

"Empty."

I look away. He glances over at me.

"You're going to get hurt, Dean. And I don't want that to happen. It would just be easier to forget about it."

He looks back at the road. "I don't believe you," he says.

I shake my head. "Me neither."

He's silent. There are so many things I want to say to him. I want to tell him he's right about everything and that he's the only thing I need. But instead I stay silent and watch the road.

oOo

"Cas and Blake are going to Church of Christ, they've got a cemetery in the backyard. Mike and I are going to Oak hill cemetery."

I've never gone without Dean. Maybe he's mad at me. Or maybe he's finally decided I'm a ticking time bomb thats going to hurt everyone close to me when I blow.

Cas and I look at all the graves with no luck.

"The woman's name was Richmodis von Aduch, but there are no records of her being buried here." Cas flips through pages and stops to read. "It says here she was hung at this church. But she was buried at her house. It says her evil presence was not wanted in any graveyard."

I look around. This place is pretty creepy. It's dark out but sizzling hot.

"Dean, you there," Cas says into the walkie talkie.

"Yep, what do you got?"

"The woman was buried at her house. Blake and I are on our way."

"Okay, Mike and I have a long fucking walk back so we'll come meet you when we get back to the truck," he says.

"10-4." Cas closes the records and puts them back.

"Okay, let's go," I say.

I walk through the yard of the old house. The windows are smashed and the paint is pealed. I look up and see a lady looking through the window. Her face is pale and her lips are blue. Her hair is knotted and her dress torn to shreds. I shoot at the window and she disappears. I load the gun again and Cas comes up behind me.

"Did you see her?"

"Yeah she was right in that window," I say as I point.

All of the sudden, Cas flies through the air and hits a tree, falling unconscious. My eyes widen and I run towards him.

"Cas, wake up, wake up!"

I look around and I see her running at me. I shoot again and she disappears again. I shake Cas's shoulders.

"Cas wake up!" He doesn't respond.

I turn around and breathe loud and heavily through gritted teeth. I hold my gun up and wait. She appears right in front of me and throws me backwards. I hit a tree and fall to the ground and then my vision blackens and so does my mind.

oOo

 _Dean watches the fog clear out as he flicks his lighter on and off again._

 _"I guess Cas and Blake must have gotten there by now," he says._

 _"They're not answering," Mike yells from the truck._

 _Dean turns around with a frown. "What the hell do you mean they're not answering?"_

 _Mike speaks into the walkie-talkie again and no one replies. "I'm getting nothing, man," Mike says._

 _Dean grabs the walkie-talkie. "Cas... Cas are you there... Blake... Anybody..." Dean puts it down and gets into the truck. "Let's go."_

 _Dean runs up to Cas as Cas becomes conscious._

 _"Cas, what the hell happened, where's Blake?"_

 _Cas sits up with a moan of pain and looks around. "I... I don't know. The ghost, she found us. I think she has Blake, Dean."_

 _Deans eyes widen and he looks around. "Find the grave with Mike and get the ring then burn the body. I'm going to find Blake."_

oOo

I wake up in complete darkness. I feel around. I'm in a box. I try and push it open but something is on top.

"Wait a minute," I say. Am I underground? "No no no no no," I say frantically. I bang on the box and begin to yell for help. I feel around my box for something, anything. I grab something cold, metal. It rings when I pick it up. It's a bell. I shake it back and forth, trying to make as much noise as I can. I scream deans name and Cas's name for a good ten minutes. I beat the box with my feet and arms. I'm going to die in here. Dean is never going to know how I feel. I don't remember the last thing I said to him. I can't even remember what I said a minute ago. I'm exhausted. I begin to think of every good memory I have. I remember that road trip we went on. My entire family went to the Grand Canyon. We had such a good time. We camped out and roasted marshmallows and hot dogs. That's the last good memory I have of my family. Beyond that is just a whole lot of pain and darkness. I remember kissing Dean and watching Cas juggle candles. I remember the dress Adeline brought me and drinking moonshine with Jack. I remember dancing with the little boy and finally feeling at home. I remember my brother smiling and my mom making pancakes on Sunday mornings. I remember my dad teaching me how to fish and watching my brother catch so many more fish than me. They would want me to fight. Fight for my life. I yell again and kick the box but I'm going limp. All of the moving and screaming causes me to take up the little amount of oxygen I have. My entire body begins to go weak and my eyes want to close. I'm so tired. I ring the bell once more as a last desperate attempt to save myself. My eyes close and then I hear Dean. He's yelling my name. I pull every last ounce of strength I have together and ring the bell and then the oxygen deprivation pulls me into a deep sleep.

 _Dean digs frantically. Sweat drips off of him and he yells Blake's name out. He hits something hard._

 _"Blake," he asks. No one answers. "No no no," he yells in fear._

 _He clears the dirt away and pries the box open. Blake lies there unconscious and he grabs her limp body and holds her in his arms._

 _"Hey, wake up," he says desperately. "Don't you dare die! Blake!"_

 _He rocks her back and forth, tears preparing to roll down his face. He comes to the realization that he lost the one thing he was fighting for. His motivation, dead._

I open my eyes to see Dean staring down at me. His face looks terrified. He's covered in sweat and dirt.

"Dean," I whisper because whispering is the only thing I'm strong enough to do.

He pulls me into his chest and holds me. "Thank god. I thought I'd lost you."

I smile faintly and i close my eyes.

"I'm okay, Dean."

He exhales loudly and he lifts me up. I put my arms around his neck as he carries me in his arms.

"Thank you," I mumble. He looks down at me and smiles.

oOo

I lay in my bed and he stands at the other side of the room.

"You scared me half to death you know that?"

I look over at him. He's cleaning his gun.

"I know. I was pretty terrified myself," I say.

He nods. "I thought you were dead," he says.

"Thank you for saving me," I say.

He looks over and stops cleaning his gun. "You don't need to thank me for that."

I sit up. "Dean, I'm putting your people in danger. I'm putting you in danger. You could have just cut your losses and killed two birds with one stone."

He looks back at his gun. "You really think I would have left you there?"

"Why didn't you? I should have died today. You got me one minute later and that would have been it for me."

"You don't leave anyone behind."

I stare at him. "That's the only reason?"

He looks over at me. "You and I both know it's not," he says quietly.

I stand and grab a towel. "I'm going to shower," I declare, part of me wanting him to follow me.

His eyes watch me walk across the room and into the washroom. I place the towel on the hanger and I close the door. Leaving it open just slightly. I begin to undress and I hear him clear his throat as I turn the shower on. I take my top off and I look over at him. He looks away right away. I keep my eyes locked on him as I take my pants off. He looks over again and this time we hold a glance. I undue my bra and drop it onto the floor. He doesn't look away. I stand still and wait for something to happen. He just looks into my eyes and leaves his mouth hanging open just slightly. I take my underwear off. I stand completely naked in the crack of the door and I watch him fall apart. He throws his jacket off and practically runs to me. The throws the bathroom door open and he grabs my face, kissing me hard. I rip his shirt off and throw it on the floor. He kisses me again. His hands desperately grab my back and pull me into him. I breath heavily and close my eyes. His pants fall to the floor along with his briefs. He lifts me up and carries me into the shower. The steam surrounds us and swallows us whole. He presses me to the shower wall and lifts my hands above my head. His hands travel down my body, starting at the tops and then over my ribs and my waist, stopping at my hips to pull me even closer. He turns me around and kisses the side of my neck. His arm wraps around my chest and his other hand moves down my body and stops in between my legs. I let out a loud sigh. His finger moves so smoothly it makes me moan. I place my hands on the shower wall to help me stand. I'm going to need all the help I can get to keep me from falling. I squint my eyes and my mouth hands open as he massages my clit. I let out a yell of pleasure and his fingers send me over the edge. He moves them away and turns me back around, kissing me softly, but I kiss him hard. I want him so badly. I want this to last forever, my heart is beating out of my chest.

He lays me down in my bed, I looks down at me. Examining me, taking it all in.

"You're beautiful, you know that?"

I smile and he crawls down on top of me. He kisses me right away and I can feel the tension heating up again. He kisses my neck and I wrap my legs around him. I begin to breathe heavy and I close my eyes. He moves his throbbing cock into me and I try to find air but there's none to take. He moves in and out slowly. It sends a chill through my entire body. Like a shock of passion. He begins to move faster, putting in a little more every time. He kisses me again. He begins to go at such a pace that I hold onto him. Every stride is strong and sure. I yell out his name and he smiles with satisfaction. He sweats and so do I. Our bodies colliding with every time he moves down on me. I let out soft moans and he grabs my hips as he begins to finish me off. He sighs and I dig my nails into his back. He moves into me so smoothly that I yelp as I get even wetter than I was before. I drag my nails down his back and he breathes heavily. He lets out a moan somewhere between pain and pleasure. An orgasm rips through my body and he smiles as his comes too. He lets out a sigh and I let myself fall limp on the bed. He holds me close and kisses me. I sink into it and he smiles while I kiss him.

"What," I ask, laughing.

"I'm just happy."

"About what," I giggle.

He stares into my eyes and plays with my hair. He just smiles and I honestly don't think that anything on this earth could compare to his smile. I kiss him.

"You... I'm happy to have you."

I smile. "You always had me."

He kisses my forehead. "You tired," he asks.

It's dark out now but I haven't checked the time.

"I'm wide awake." I get on top of him and I lean down and kiss him. His hands trail down my back and it makes me weak. "Let's go another round," I whisper in his ear.

He smiles. "I was hoping you would say that."

oOo

 ** _thanks for reading! Hope you liked this chapter! I wasn't sure if I should push their relationship further at this point so write a review and tell me your thoughts! Don't forget to fav/follow too!_**


	11. Chapter 11: Devil City

**_Hey guys!:) Don't be afraid to send ideas or requests. I'm open to your ideas! Please fav/follow and write a review!_**

oOo

I heave in the dry Kansas air as we run for our lives. Croats follow closely behind us as the back of our pack shoots at them. Dean is at the front. He runs to a side door on a building and opens the door as we all file in. His face looks so alert, like he could take on anything that comes. He probably could now that I think about it. From what I've heard, he's beat the odds more times than I can count. Deans head turns sharply.

"Where's Tommy," he yells.

I look around. We must have gotten separated. I turn around to look for him but all I see are Croats coming in hot.

"Get inside, Blake," Dean yells. I turn and run inside and Dean follows behind me. He closes the door and places a wooden board through the handles to lock the Croats out.

We all move into a room and Dean begins counting, making sure we have everyone.

"Dammit," he yells. "Tommy isn't here."

"He's long gone now Dean. There's no point in going back out there," Julie says.

Dean paces back and forth.

"We can't just leave him," I say. "He could still be alive."

"It's a suicide mission," she says back.

I look over at Dean. "It's risky, Blake," he says.

I scowl at him. "What happened to 'you don't leave a man behind'?"

He stares back at me but doesn't say anything.

I straighten up. "Fine then, I'll go find him by myself," I announce. I load my gun.

"Whoa, hold on there hero. You're not going out there alone," Dean says.

"I don't see anyone else stepping up to the plate," I say.

He exhales loudly. "Fine, I'm coming."

"Fine," I snap back.

"Cas, you're in charge," Dean says. Castiel nods. I storm out of the room and all the way to the door Dean boarded up. I hold my gun up and slowly take the board out. I open the door slowly and see no one. I walk out and then I feel a sharp pain on the side of my head. It knocks me to the ground. And then everything goes black.

oOo

I open my eyes slowly as my blurry vision begins to form again back to normal. I'm in a white room. It's clean and put together, with very little decorations. I feel so dirty looking at the perfect white walls. I try and stand but I'm strapped down. My hands are tied behind my back. I yank on the rope but it's no use. I look behind me and see the back of deans head, inches away. We are tied back to back.

"Dean," I say. I gently tap the back of my head onto his. I hear him take a deep breath in. "Dean?"

"Blake? Where are we?" He yanks on the ropes.

"I don't know."

All of the sudden, a woman with jet black hair and a white dress walks out. Her high heels click on the marble floor. Two men in black suits follow behind her.

"Good you're awake," she says. She looks at me. "Lucifer will see you now," she says.

The two men come over to me and I begin to struggle. I yank on the ropes and try and pull my hands out.

"Hey, don't touch her," Dean yells. "You lay one fucking finger on her and that'll be the end of you."

They grab me and untie my hands. I pull my hands out and punch one of them straight across the face. The other one back hands me on the side of my head, right where I got hit earlier. I get a little dizzy which gives them enough time to get a hold of me. I can hear Dean yelling in the back but I can't quite make out what he's saying. Everything is one big blur. I shake my head in an effort to make things clearer. I begin to gain consciousness and I start to fight back again. They drag me as I throw myself around, trying to escape.

"Do what you want with him," the woman says, motioning to Dean. "But don't let him die. Lucifer will want to deal with him."

I scream thrash and try to get loose but it's no use. "Dean," I scream.

He just yells my name and curses and tries to break free. "Take me," he yells. They don't listen.

They drag me down a hallway and two doors open in front of me. They throw me in the room and sit me down in a chair. I look around as a chair turns and reveals a man. My ability to talk falls to the floor as I stare at the devil himself. I was expecting some monstrous looking bull or reptile but it's just a man. He stares at me with the same awe on his face as me. His hair is long enough to reach his chin but it's slicked back. His eyes are light and soft and his jaw line defined. He's huge. He must be at least six foot four and he's extremely muscular. He's handsome. Just like his brother. This is Sam. Deans little brother.

"So you're Satan," I say.

He smiles. His smile is beautiful in a different kind of way. It makes you question the good inside of you. It makes you feel like falling from grace.

"I go by Lucifer." He stands up and I lean back. "And you're Blake, the vessel for the love of my life. But you wanna know something?"

"Do tell," I say sarcastically.

"She was a bitch. A terrible woman. She had no love or respect."

"You two sound perfect for each other," I say.

He laughs a little. "Not exactly. See, I thought she was the most beautiful angel I had ever seen and that is what drew me to her. I loved her beauty. And with you, you have that beauty. But who you are as a person, it's equally beautiful. And that's what I admire about you. I want you to be my queen. We could live here, together."

"You expect me to willingly live with you? You're out of your mind. I wouldn't stay here with you for anything."

He laughs and shakes his head. "You see, I hate humans. So needy and small. Always ruining things. They're like bugs, and nothing brings me more joy than to swat them. But you, you are the only exception."

He walks towards me and kneels down in front of me. Then he leans in and presses his lips to mine. I kiss him back to distract him and then I bite down on his lip as hard as I can and I knee him in the stomach. I stand quickly and begin to run. I fly through the doors and down the hallway. I pass dozens of doors with windows looking into empty rooms. All are empty but one. I pass by it and then I quickly stop and turn around. Inside is Dean, lying on the floor, beaten to a pulp and unconscious again. I try and open the door but it's locked. I hear Lucifer call out my name. I grab my gun and shoot the handle and then I kick down the door. I grab Dean and shake him in an effort to wake him up. He doesn't wake up. I put my fingers on his neck and feel for a pulse. He's alive. I've never been so happy to hear a heartbeat. Then I'm grabbed from behind and knocked in the head once again.

I wake up. Back in the room with lucifer. This time, Dean is with me. He's tied up behind me again. Lucifer walks over to us and approaches me. He puts his hand on my cheek and I try and move my face away.

"God, you're beautiful," he says.

He lets go of me and moves behind me to Dean. I look over my shoulder. Lucifer slaps Dean across the face and Dean wakes up with a moan.

"Finally. The day has come when I can finally kill you."

Dean doesn't say anything. He's too tired to fight, he's too weak. I reach in his back pocket and grab his pocket knife. I slowly begin to cut the rope. Lucifer punches Dean across the face. Dean drools blood onto the floor. I cut faster. Lucifer hit him again, this time it's enough to shift our chairs.

"Stop you're going to kill him," I scream.

Lucifer stops and looks at me. He grabs my face and comes close.

"Shh, let the men deal with this," he whispers.

"You disgust me," I say. He kisses me again.

"Do what you want to me," Dean barely makes out. His voice is low and husky, muffled by the blood dripping from his mouth. "But don't you dare touch her."

Lucifer looks at Dean with a look of anger. He's going to hurt Dean. I can see it in his eyes.

"No no no," I say with tears in my eyes. I sound so desperate. I've never needed anyone the way I need Dean. It's not a want anymore for me, it's a necessity. "Please, don't hurt him," I yell.

Lucifer hits him again. And again. And again. I beg for him to stop. I cut the rope faster and faster. Then it breaks. I grab the colt from deans pants and I shoot the two demons at the door and then I shoot lucifer. It knocks him backwards and he falls to the ground in pain but it doesn't kill him. I cut Dean loose and I bend over in and attempt to pick him up. I once watched Band of Brothers with my father and one of them was injured so one of the guys carried him over his shoulders. I put Dean in that exact position and with every bit of strength I have, I lift Dean over my head. I begin to walk which I gradually turn into a run. Dean is so heavy. The adrenaline coursing through my veins is the only thing keeping me going right now. I shoot the lady in the white dress and I keep running. I run out the doors only to be greeted by a group of Croats. I pull my gun out and shoot them down and then I make a run for it because I know more are coming.

I run into a building and I jam the doors shut with a scrap hunk of metal. It's only once I've slowed down that I realize the amount of pain my body is in. Sweat drips down my body and I take deep breath. I walk up two flights of stairs with Dean on my back. It takes me a half hour to make it up those two flights. I'm in an old apartment building. I walk to the first room I see and it's locked.

"Of course," I say.

I slowly ease Dean onto the ground and my legs collapse beneath me. I sit beside unconscious Dean on the ground and I lean my head back. What the hell are we gonna do. I look over at Dean and I pull myself up to a stand. I look at the door and prepare myself. With everything I have left, I kick the door as hard as I can. The door flies open and I grab Dean and drag him into the room. The apartment is small and dingy, but it has a bed. I lift Dean onto the bed and I examine his wounds. His face is bloody and bruised. This is what happens when people get close to me. They get hurt. I pull off his coat and then his shirt only to find two more layers of clothing.

"Why the hell are you wearing so much," I mumble.

I lift his shirt up and look at all the bruises on his ribs. I shake my head and walk to the kitchen and I grab a cloth. I turn on the tap and I'm momentarily surprised when nothing comes out.

"Why would there be running water," I say to myself.

I walk to the fridge and open it. I see a water filter full of water. I smile at the sight as I grab a cup and drink. Then I fill my cup again and bring it over to Dean. I dip the cloth in the water and I begin to wipe the blood off Dean's face. I dab lightly and I examine him. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. I think about that night. The night after I almost became a victim of premature burial. That night can never happen again. This is the outcome of my little slips. I wreck everything I love most, and he doesn't deserve that. He deserves a girl who lives an entire lifetime. One who isn't doomed. I have to let him go. But staring at him now, I know how deep I am into this. Every inch of me wants to be with him. But it's because I feel so much for him that I can't be selfish with him. No one is going to benefit from this. It's just going to end in pain and misery and I don't know how much more I can take. I wipe under his eyes and then all of the sudden he grabs my wrist and holds it tight. I sit there, paralyzed. Wide eyed as my mouth hangs slightly open, not knowing what's going to happen next. He stares at me and then loosens his grip.

"Blake?" He tries to sit up but let's out a sharp moan of pain.

"Don't move," I say, putting my hands on his chest and push him back down.

"Where are we? How did I get here?" He looks around and tries to get up again.

"We're in an apartment building, okay? Please stop moving, you're just going to make it hurt more."

He lays back down slowly. "How did we even get here? I sure as hell didn't walk, I can tell you that. Last thing I remember is a gunshot."

I clean his forehead. "I brought you here," I say.

He stares at me. "How the hell did you get me all the way here by yourself?"

I hesitate. "I carried you."

His eyes widen. " _You_ carried _me_? You know I weigh like 180."

"It's not a big deal. I'm not gonna lie, I thought my legs were going to break," he laughs, "but someone once told me you don't leave anyone behind."

He nods and smiles faintly.

"You should get some rest. We need to move soon, they're going to find us."

He nods. He closes his eyes for a minute but he opens them again. I wipe his face again and I glance into his eyes. He's staring. It's distracting me. I put the cloth down and stare back at him.

"What're you doing, Dean?" I shake my head and look away. He grabs my hand and holds it.

"This isn't your fault, you know that, right? Please tell me you know it's not your fault."

"You can't keep pretending, Dean."

"Pretending what? This is real for me. It's the only thing I'm sure of."

I shake my head. "I'm not going to bury another body knowing it was my fault. You don't deserve that."

"I think I deserve to be happy," he says.

"You're not going to find happiness with me, don't you get that?! The only things you're going to find in me is sadness and grief and pain and hate and-"

"I don't care," he says, cutting me off.

"I can't be selfish with you, Dean. You've been let down so many times and I would hate myself if I hurt you."

He stares at me with so much desperation that I almost burst into tears. And then it's not an 'almost' anymore. I sob surfaces and I look away.

"I don't want to hurt anymore, Dean."

He stares at me with sad eyes and a full heart.

"I have something to lose now, Dean. And I've lost every single person that has mattered to me. I'm vulnerable and it's dangerous for you. It's dangerous for everyone. Do me a favour and save yourself."

He wipes a tear from my cheek and I lean into his hand and cry. He moves my hair from my face. I feel like he can see every insecurity and fear I have inside me. I feel like he can see all the bad and the darkness. Maybe because that's all there is.

"You deserve to be happy, Blake," he whispers.

I bite my lips and try to stop the tears. "I don't deserve to be happy, Dean. I have no right to happiness after everything I've done. There's too much blood on my hands."

oOo

I wake up to a loud bang. I sit up from the couch and look over at Dean, who's still sleeping. I grab my gun and stand slowly. I place one foot down after the other, like a cat stalking its prey. But chills run up my spine as I realize I'm not the predator, I'm the prey. I open the apartment door slowly and look around before I even dare to put one foot out of the door. I step out and begin to walk down the hallway. I hear a creak behind me and I whip around, seeing nothing. I walk again and reach the end of the hallway. It was probably just the building making noises. I walk back and open the door to find a demon holding Dean with a blade up to his neck. Dean stares at me as he tries to hold his broken body together.

"Put the gun down," the demon snarls at me.

I hold my hands up and slowly place my gun on the floor.

"Now kick it over," he demands. I do as he says and watch my last arm of defence slide away.

"Look, let him go and take me. I'll go, I won't fight. Just let him live."

The demon shifts his body and glances at the two of us.

"Blake, don't do it," Dean croaks out.

The demon gives Dean and shake and presses the blade hard enough on deans neck to draw blood. "Zip it, pretty boy," the demon hisses. Dean clenches his jaw. "Alright. We have a deal. You come with me without any trouble and I'll let him live." I nod as he knocks Dean out. I flinch at the sound of his body hitting the ground. The demon grabs me and pushes me out of the apartment building.

I walk through the street with the demons escorting me to my fate. Lucifer. Every fear I have combining into one, putting me in a stage of shock. But Dean gets to live. That's all I really want. All of the sudden, the mission team runs from behind a building, spraying holy water everywhere as they grab me and we begin to run. Everything happens in the blink of an eye. I look behind me, half expecting Dean to be running with us and I stop when I realize he's not.

"Blake, let's go!"

I look over at cas. "Deans still back there," I say.

He looks back. "We don't have time, we have to leave," Jeffery yells.

I keep my eyes locked on Cas. "You've got five minutes, or we leave without you." I smile and run back to the building.

I run up the stairs as fast as I can and as I turn the corner, I'm hit in the stomach and knocked backwards onto the ground. It instantly knocks the wind out of me. I lay on the ground and heave as I see Dean look down at me.

"I thought you were a demon," he says, almost laughing as I struggle to breathe.

"Yes it's hilarious." I cough and try and breathe.

He helps me up and I watch him limp. I grab his arm and put it over my shoulder.

"Let's get out of here," I say.

We run down the stairs and out into the open where we meet Castiel and the rest of the team. We catch up and we all begin to run again. Gunshots fire everywhere as demons run out towards us. I grab the colt from my jeans but I drop my other gun in the process. I don't have time to grab it and I keep running, dragging Dean with me. I look behind me and shoot a demon and watch it light up as it falls limp onto the ground as another demon picks up my dropped gun. I shoot at him but I miss. I turn my head and begin to run behind dean. It's just a natural instinct now, protecting him that is. All of the sudden, I feel a sharp pain in my shoulder and I fall to the ground, the pavement scraping my cheek. The pain is white and hot, and makes me weak. I feel arms lift me up onto my feet and I begin to run again. Every sound, every feeling, every fear, is numbed by this pain. We run into a building and up what seems like a million flights of stairs. Once we stop, I fall to the ground and hold my arm. Cas rips my jacket off and I feel the sweat drip down my face.

"What happened," I mumble.

"You got shot. Don't worry, it's always worst the first time." I smile hysterically.

They cut off my shirt and I watch Dean open his knife. I stare at him, terrified as he pours alcohol over it. He cuts into my skin, right over the bullet and I bite down on my lip. He cuts deeper and I taste blood. I hear a clink on the ground and they pour alcohol over it again. I moan in pain and Dean takes out a pin needle and string. He's going to sew me up. The needle moves through my skin and I try and breathe through it. I grab the alcohol for the ground where it's sitting and I take a sip. I see Dean smile and Cas pats me on my other shoulder.

"Now, how about we pack up and get the hell out of dodge," Dean says.

I smile and nod. "Sounds good to me."

oOo

 ** _Thanks for reading! Hope you like the story so far. Don't forget to fav/follow and write a review. Still working on uploading the cover photo, hope I can fix it soon._**


	12. Chapter 12: Blast From the Past

**_Hey guys! Sorry it took so long for me to update, I've been super busy... Anyways please fav/follow and write a review!_**

 ** _oOo_**

I wake up to a sharp pain. I'm leaning on my shoulder. I take a deep breath and sit up. My eyes want to close but I've already woke up five times tonight just from my shoulder. Plus every time I close my eyes I can see lucifer. I get out of bed and check the clock. 2:13. I moan and lightly run my fingers over the stitches. I guess it could be worse. I could have been paralyzed or shot in the head or even dead. It's only a shoulder. And Dean stitched it pretty well. I turn the light on and grab a coat and scarf then I head out of the door. The air is cold and bitter. It's already October. I walk through camp and begin towards the bar. If I'm lucky, Jack is still there and he'll let me in. But I stop when I hear something by the old rusted Impala. I see something move. I didn't bring any type of weapon. I approach it slowly and listen for whatever it is to make more noise. I get all the way to the impala and I hear the rustling near the back. I move silently and I close my eyes and take a breath before I whip around the corner. I fist flies towards my face but I deflect it and punch whoever it is in the stomach. He moans and it sounds familiar. He charges at me and jumps on top of me, grabbing my shoulders, knocking me to the ground. I yell in pain as he puts the pressure of his weight on my shoulders. I look up. It's Dean.

"What are you doing, Dean," I yell as I try to push him off me.

"How do you know my name," he yells huskily. "Where am I?!"

I yelp as he presses harder. "I got shot in that shoulder dumbass! Get off me!"

He lets go of my shoulders but stays on top of me.

"You're the same place you were last night! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What year is this?"

I frown. "2014, Dean. Are you feeling okay?"

He looks around. "2014?"

I raise my eyebrows and nod. "God, I think you ripped my stitches open," I say in pain.

He looks back down at me. "Where is your Dean?"

I shake my head. "You are my Dean, Dean!"

He shakes his head. "No I'm not. Fricken Zachariah, angel from hell zapped me here. I'm Dean from the tail end of 2009."

oOo

I sit on deans bed as Dean shoots past Dean some dry glances. Past Dean is handcuffed to the ladder, just like Dean did to me when I got here. Past Dean was unconscious a while ago when Dean knocked him out, thinking he was a monster. Blood stains the back of my shirt and we all sit in silence. Dean comes over to me and stares at me as he gets some tweezers ready to pull out my ripped stitches, and he doesn't look happy.

"Look, I didn't-" past Dean starts but Dean cuts him off. "Shut up." I purse my lips and look down.

"Are the handcuffs really necessary, man?"

"Don't worry, he did it to me too when I first showed up," I say.

He smiles and then looks over at Dean smugly. "Kinky." He raises his eyebrows when he says it.

Dean gives him a death stare.

"I'm gonna need you to take your shirt off, Blake," Dean says. I nod.

I slowly try and pull it over my head but it moves my shoulder too much and I stop.

"Here," he says.

He makes eye contact with me for a brief second before kneeling down to my level. He grabs the bottom of my shirt and looks over at past Dean. "Close your eyes," he says harshly.

Past Dean frowns. "I'm you," he protests.

"I don't care," Dean snaps back.

Past Dean rolls his eyes and the closes them. He throws his hands out to the side. "Happy?"

Dean clenches his jaw and then shakes his head and focuses on me again.

"Tell me if I hurt you, okay?" He looks at me and I nod.

He slowly pulls my shirt over my head and lightly pulls it off my arm and he throws it on the ground. He gets behind me and the minute his hand touches my back I get chills down my back. He stops and I look over my shoulder at him as he stares at me. He noticed. I look away. He begins to pull the stitches out, slowly.

"So what's the deal with you two," past Dean asks.

Dean and I both look over at him. "Didn't I tell you to shut up," Dean says.

"My bad. Can I open my eyes now?"

"No," Dean snaps.

Dean begins to stitch me back up. Dean huffs in frustration. The stitches aren't going so well. He puts his hand on my rib cage to steady himself. His thumb skims the bottom of my bra. The feeling of his hands on my body leaves me with nothing else to concentrate on. I don't think I could even if i tried.

"There we go," I hear Dean whisper to himself.

Within a minute he's done and I grab another shirt.

"You can open your eyes," Dean says to past Dean.

Past Dean opens his eyes. "Why did I even have to close them in the first place," past Dean asks.

He's so light and care free. He is humorous and charming. Dean must have been through a lot to be so different now.

"Because Blake was taking her shirt off, idiot."

Past Dean smiles. "I'm such a gentleman," he says. Dean rolls his eyes.

"So you're from 2009," I ask.

He looks over at me and smiles. "Yeah."

My brother was still alive. "Do you think you could do me a favour when you get back," I ask.

Dean eyes me down from across the room, waiting for me to reveal myself.

"Anything," past Dean says.

"Wamego, Kansas. There's a boy. Mike Hudson."

Past Dean glances at Dean as Dean glances at me.

"Um, if you could just tell him that I'm sorry."

Past Dean nods. No one knows about what happened to him. I can't even think about it let alone tell it.

"Ya, no problem, Blake," he says with a sympathetic smile. "Was he an old boyfriend or something," past Dean questions.

I shake my head. "Brother actually," I say. He purses his lips and nods.

oOo

"You know I don't have any reason to believe that you're actually real. You could be one of lucifers plans to take me out and get Blake. In fact, why don't you give me one good reason why I shouldn't gank you right here and now," Dean says.

"Because you'd only be hurting yourself," past Dean says with a shaky smile.

"Very funny."

"Look, man—I'm no shapeshifter or demon or anything, okay?"

Dean paces. "Yeah, I know. I did the drill while you were out. Silver, salt, holy water—nothing. But you know what was funny? Was that you had every hidden lockpick, box cutter, and switchblade that I carry. Now, you want to explain that? Oh, and the, uh, resemblance, while you're at it?"

Past Dean rolls his eyes. "Because I'm _you_. How many times am I gonna have to say it?"

"I don't believe you."

"Zachariah. Do you believe that? Son of a bitch sent me here."

"Come again," Dean says as he stands up.

"Like I said, I'm you from 2009. Zach plucked me from my bed and threw me five years into the future."

Dean starts to tense up and get more serious than before. "Where is he? I want to talk to him."

"I don't know," past Dean snaps back.

"Oh, you don't know," Dean says mockingly.

"No, I don't know. Look, I just want to get back to my own friggin' year, okay?"

"Okay. If you're me, then tell me something only I would know."

Past Dean purses his lips and thinks for a moment. "We were, uh, fifteen. Lost our virginity in the back seat of the impala. If I remember correctly, her name was Rose Vanderson, she was seventeen."

I raise my eyebrows. Dean glances at me.

"Touché. So, what, Zach zapped you up here to see how bad it gets?"

"I guess. Croatoan virus, right? That's their endgame?"

"Deadly virus you can't cure. World went down the toilet bowl about two years ago."

"What about Sam?" Sensitive subject. Dean barely ever talks about him. Dean goes still.

"Heavyweight showdown in Detroit. From what I understand, Sam didn't make it." That's a lie. Dean knows exactly where Sam is.

"You weren't with him," past Dean asks with a scared look on his face.

"No. No, me and Sam, we haven't talked in—hell, five years."

"We never tried to find him?"

"We had other things to worry about."

"Like what," past Dean yells.

"Like the rings of the four horsemen."

Past Dean stares at Dean, something stirring in his mind. "How many do you have," he asks.

"War and pestilence," I say. "Except I wasn't included in the pestilence trip."

Dean glances at me and eyes me up as I shoot him a glance, still a little pissed at that. I straighten myself up and he smiles and shakes his head.

"We got a tip from another camp down in North Carolina. Said the Croats were starting to get a little too hungry in the city. I think it could be famine. They say that they think he visits once a year. He's protecting something there and I want to take it."

Past Dean smiles. "Who's ready for a roadtrip?"

oOo

The three of us sit in the truck. Our uncomfortable silence only lasts for a minute.

"Dean," past Dean says to Dean. Dean looks back at him through the rear view mirror.

"What," he says harshly.

"I'm impressed," past Dean says smugly. He points at me and then nods. I laugh a little.

"He used to be such a ladies man, you wouldn't believe it," past Dean says to me.

"Oh, I believe it," I say back.

"We can just walk into a bar, we don't even have to say anything. Women just throw themselves at us."

"Okay shut up," Dean says, rolling his eyes.

"One time, we went on a two week streak where we brought back a new girl every night."

Dean swerves on the road, causing past Dean to hit his head.

"He's kidding," Dean says to me.

Past Dean laughs. "No but honestly, it's surprising. It's not like us to be hung up on a girl."

Dean rolls his eyes again. He doesn't deny it though. Past Dean glances at the two of us for a minute and then rests his eyes on me.

"So where is this Mike guy now," past Dean asks.

I look back at him and then slowly look away. I hate talking about him.

"He's dead," I say.

Past Dean hushes himself and leans back as Dean shoots him a glance.

"Oh... I'm sorry for your loss."

I shake my head and look down. "Don't be sorry, it was my fault."

Past Dean frowns. "What do you mean?"

Dean looks back at him and mouths a "shut up". "You don't have to talk about it, Blake."

I look away. "No, it's okay... I... I trust you both I guess..." I scoff and shake my head.

Dean glances at me from the driver seat. I sink into those green eyes and I feel at home. I could tell him my deepest secrets, the ones even worse than this one.

"After my mom died and my dad left it was always about him. It was always about taking care of him. He was the only thing I cared about. He was what I worked for. He was what I breathed for." I look at them and they look silent inside and out. I look back at the road ahead. "And then he died." I take a deep breath and pull myself together so that I can continue.

"It was a stupid mistake. We were walking to my family's cabin and we went into this abandoned building for the night. I usually checked every single room of every place we stayed, just to be sure. So he went to sleep and I went to scope the place, make sure we were alone. Except the building wasn't as abandoned as I thought. I left for not even five minutes and I heard him yell and then I heard a gunshot." I stop and close my eyes. I don't want to cry. I take a breath. I can do this. "I came back and the Croat was dead. But Mike had been bitten. And he was turning crazy. He told me I had to kill him. And I did. I didn't know what else to do," I say with a small sob. "I couldn't leave him like that. So I shot him. Just like I shot my dad. Just like how I almost shot myself."

Dean puts his hand on my leg. "Hey, look at me."

I peal my eyes away from the road and look at him.

"You did the right thing. There was nothing you could have done."

I shake my head and squeeze my eyes shut. "It should have been me. He didn't deserve that. It was always about saving one person. And now he's gone." I shake my head and look out the side window.

oOo

We get into town and the entire city I layered in a sheet of blood. That's what famine is good for. Making people starving. The Croats have eaten each other. Their bodies lay all along the road, torn to shreds. I jump out of the jeep and onto the road.

"This is disgusting," Dean declares.

He screws his nose up and clenches his jaw. I gag at the smell. Famine has to be here somewhere. We walk through town with the mission team. All of the sudden I get a raging hunger. It's so strong that I stop in my tracks. I breathe harshly and quickly. Dean looks back at me and frowns.

"What's wrong," he asks.

"He's here," I say. Dean scowls and looks around.

"Let's move," he yells.

We walk into an old sandwich shop and a man sits at one of the tables. We all hold our guns up. He smiles at us.

"Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in," he says. "I'm guessing you're here for this?" He holds up his hand, showing us his ring. I stand on the side of the crowd, sort of hidden.

"You can't kill me," he laughs as he approaches Dean. "What would your mother say? Oh wait," he adds sarcastically.

I slowly begin to make my way around the room to the back, famine is too focused on Dean to notice. I pull out my knife as famine casually places his hand on a table. All of the sudden he puts his hand in the air and my body is flown against the wall. The knife floats in the air towards me and it rests not even and inch from my face. Dean pulls out his gun and holds it up to the demons head.

"Let her go," he demands.

My body begins to take on more pressure from the invisible force the horseman has, crushing me slowly. I grunt in pain.

"You're right, I wouldn't want to hurt the precious Abelia body bag."

He looks at me and I drop to the ground. I grab my knife an past Dean helps me up. Now I stand behind Dean and I can't help but stare at famines hand on the table.

"The poor girl... Satan has big plans for you my friend. I hear he skins babies just for the fun of it. But I mean you're pretty familiar with killing innocents aren't you."

I clench my teeth.

"Why don't you shut up," Dean says.

"Daddy was shot in the head, you let your mother die, oh and let's not forget little Michael. So young and you shot him in the head too. Your little mistakes costed your entire family their lives."

"God I'm going to be happy to watch you die," past Dean says.

Famine glances at him and then focuses on me again. I look away.

"Maybe that's why no one loves you. Because you kill them all," he says with a laugh.

In one swift movement I bring my knife down onto his hand and slice his fingers off. He stares at me, jaw dropped and eyes dulled out. His body falls and crumples on the ground. We never got to find out what he has hidden in this town but I honestly don't care anymore. It only hurts so much because I know it's the truth. Everything he said was true. That's why I killed him, because I hated myself for it and I couldn't even listen to him talk about it.

oOo

We get back to camp and I immediately go to the shooting range. I shoot can after can and then I hear someone coming up behind me. It's past Dean. He has his hands in his pocket and he gives me a small smile.

"You do this too," he asks, taking his gun out. I nod.

"It calms me down," I say.

He smiles. "Exactly." I smirk a little.

"Thanks for everything," I say.

He shoots another target. "Listen, I think you're a decent person. And I don't think what happened to your family was your fault."

He shoots the targets and I just watch him. He smiles at my glance and then I look away and begin to shoot again.

"I don't think you should be giving anyone speeches about the blame game, Dean Winchester."

He shrugs. "I guess I'm not really one to say that to you but there's something about you... I don't know it's like I've known you forever. I can't explain it but I have trust issues but I'm completely comfortable with you. I guess what I'm trying to say is I will be a pretty lucky guy in the future if it involves you. You're worth saving, Blake. I hope you know that."

I look over at him as I bright light shines, blinding me. Once the light disappears, so does past Dean. I stare at the spot he was just standing and I feel an urge to be close to Dean. I want to be with him so badly. But I shouldn't.

oOo

I walk back to my cabin in the dark and I walk by deans cabin. His light is still on. I stand there and debate whether I should knock on his door or keep walking. I need an excuse to be near him though. But before I even know what I'm going to say, I'm already at his doorstep, knocking. He opens the door and stares at me in surprise.

"Hey," he says, confused.

"Hey," I say while letting out a heavy breath.

"Um, Dean is gone. He got zapped back to 2009 I guess. There was this big white light and then he was gone."

"Come in," he says.

I hesitate. "I don't know if that's a good idea," I say.

"It's freezing out. Just come in for a minute."

I sigh. I'm only staying 10 minutes tops.

"I'm sorry about killing famine before we got a chance to see what he was hiding. I shouldn't have been so quick to kill," I say.

Dean shrugs. "I would have done the same thing," he says.

I stare at him and wait for him to keep talking to give me an excuse to stay longer. I shouldn't stay longer though. If I knew what was best I would have left this entire state a while ago. I'm a wrecking ball and I crush everything and everyone I come near. Dean sees me as his last sign of hope but I know I'm not hope. I'm just more death and sadness.

"You- I- uh," he puts his head down and laughs nervously. "I know how you feel. About your brother I mean. I know what it's like to only ever care about one person. To care about someone more than you care about yourself. And I know what it's like to lose them."

I bite the inside of my lip and stare back at him. He talks about it as if it's not a big deal. But I can tell that it's an unattended wound that still haunts the deepest parts of him. And honestly, even though I have more than enough regret and grief, I'd still take it for him if I could. That's why it's so dangerous for me to be with him, because I care. He moves a little closer to me and I know I should move away but my feet stay planted.

"Sam was a good kid and I shouldn't have left him. Maybe if I had never let him go... He'd still be here and maybe the world wouldn't have fallen apart."

I shake my head. "Dean," I say as I move closer to him and he looks down shamefully. I place a hand on his cheek and he raises his head a little and closes his eyes.

"You can't blame yourself for what happened, or what Sam chose. That's not your fault."

He puts his hand on the hand I have on his face.

"Please don't do this to me," he whispers sadly. "I can't stand not being with you, Blake. It's killing me. Please just let go," he says as he places his forehead on mine.

I close my eyes sadly. "I should go," I say. It takes every ounce of strength I have to say it.

He shakes his head and takes a shaky breath. "Just stay the night, please. I'm going crazy without you. I can't kiss you or touch you or hold you and I'm going insane."

I take a step back and look him in the eye. "You're just going to get hurt," I say.

He shakes his head. "Nothing hurts more than the thought of not being with you."

I look over at the bed. What if I just stayed one night. What if I had just one slip. But I can't. It's not fair to Dean.

"You think I don't want to stay with you, Dean?! Because I do. It is taking everything I have to keep my distance. But I know what the right thing to do is. And that's for you to move on."

"It's too late for me to move on, Blake!" His voice raises and so does mine.

"No it's not! You can just turn your back now and forget about it!"

"I can't always just forget about it, Blake."

"So you're mad because I don't want you to get hurt?!"

He moves closer. "I'm mad because I'm in love with you!"

He stares at me with a look somewhere in between anger and desire. I step back in and effort to make as much distance as I can and I frown.

"Don't say that," I say on the verge of tears.

"I love you," he says.

I shake my head. "You don't love me, you're just lonely."

He stares at me sadly. I wipe a tear from my face. This can't be happening. Why did I let this happen. I'm in love with him too. God, I'm so deeply in love with him but I can't admit to it.

"Blake," he says softly. I look up at him. "I love you," he says again.

And I turn around and walk out of his cabin because I know it's true. And I know I feel the same. So I leave because that's what I do best. I run away. I know it's too late because I already care too much and I'm just going to end up losing him, but I keep walking anyways.

oOo

 ** _thanks for reading:) write a review!_**


	13. Chapter 13: The Boy Who Cried Wolf

**_Hey guys so sorry it's been a while since I've updated.. I've been super busy with school and work so it's been hard to keep up..._**

 ** _smut smut smut warning_**

oOo

The only thing I've been able to think about for the past three days is Dean. I can't stop thinking about what he said. Those three words that came from his mouth could kill a girl. And it scares me. That's why I ran out. It scares me to have someone worth losing. It scares me that he cares about me. I haven't had a single soul care about me since I was 15. But what scares me most is that I love him back. Maybe if we had just met at a different time, in a different place, I could have known happiness. But I'm not one of the fortunate ones. I'm the one who gets the people i love killed. I'm the one who takes all the grief and pain so that others don't have to take it. Dean means the world to me and I can't shake this feeling inside me that I'm wrong. My head and my heart both drag me towards him but I know I shouldn't. I shouldn't cause him the pain.

Just then, I hear gunshots going off outside. I stand quickly and grab my gun, running out. People scream and run and I just stare with wide eyes. Animal/human hybrids run wild, attacking people. If I didn't know better, I'd say they were werewolves. They have wild eyes and excessive hair. Their nails are long and sharp and I see castiel stabbing one. I load my gun and run out. I guide people to my cabin to hide, not knowing what else to do. Then I get knocked over from the side. My gun falls out of my hands and the werewolf pins me down. I struggle, trying to rip my hands out from underneath it. I hope my stitches don't rip again. The werewolf stares right down at me and then let's out a long powerful howl as it picks me up and throws me over its shoulder. I scream and thrash around. They run in retreat. I have a feeling that they aren't taking me anywhere I want to be. I pull the knife I have in my back pocket out and stab the werewolf carrying me. He yelps and drops me. I fall onto the ground and break into a run. I see Dean ahead and he yells something out to me but I don't hear it. Then another werewolf grabs me from behind.

"Don't shoot," I hear Dean yell. "Don't shoot at her," he yells again.

The gunshots stop and the werewolves run over the fence with me hanging over their shoulder. They jump into a van and tie me up as they speed off. They turn into real people again and they sit and stare at me and then they move to the front seat and close the door, leaving only a little section to talk through. I tug at my chains.

"Chains guys? Really? Who am I, the hulk," I huff.

They don't reply. "Where are you taking me," I demand.

"Hm, let's think. Who has control of the whole world and wants you more than anything," a man says sarcastically.

I lean my head back. "Shit," I mumble. "You don't have to do this. You can turn around right now and no one gets hurt. They'll be coming for me and when they do, you'll all be dead. But if you just let me go now you can get away, please."

The driver shakes her head. "You really think we have a choice? It's not that simple," she says sadly.

"You always have a choice. And you can make the right one," I say back desperately.

"Lucifer has killed over half of the werewolf population left. If we don't come back with you, he'll kill us too. He has killed everyone I know. My family, my daughter," she says, trailing off into a silent state of grief.

"Please... Don't do this to me," I beg.

They close the sliding metal door over the only place I can communicate from. I stand up slowly and look at the back doors of the van. If I can carry a 180 pound man on my back and up two flights of stairs then I can kick a door down. I lean into the kick with everything I have and the doors fly open. I stare at the open doors in astonishment and the van slams on the breaks. I fly forwards, my chains getting caught on the door and the way out. As the chain snaps, it causes me to go flying through the air. The door throws me to the side and the speed of the van makes my fall harder than ever. If my stitches weren't ripped before, they are now. I roll for what seems like forever. Dust clouds surround me and I lay in the dirt. My shoulder is torn open from scrapes along with my forehead and hips and both my knees. I spit the dirt and blood from my mouth as I bring myself to a stand. They jump out of the van and run at me. I pull out my knife, even though I know it's not going to save me, but it's worth a shot. They come at me and I brace myself. They man runs at me a I kick him in the stomach, throwing both him and I backwards. As he gets up, I jump on him and slit his throat. His blood sprays onto my face as he falls to the ground. A different woman runs at me and she hits me across the face. I fall to the ground in pain, her hit causing another cut on my cheek. I kick her legs out from underneath her and her body smacks on the ground. I get on top of her and hold her down. I stab my knife into her heart and her body goes limp. I get up and turn around to see seven more standing ten feet away. They all run at me and I grip tight onto my knife. I slash the first one in the throat as he falls to the ground. The next one jumps on top of me but I stab her in the stomach. Another woman attacks me and I kick her stomach and throw a hard punch, knocking her out. I used to do kickboxing when I was younger and I never thought it would pay off as much as it has. A boy runs at me from behind, he couldn't be any more than seventeen. His soft eyes and shaggy hair stare right through me. He brings me back to Mike and for a minute I remember what it was like to have him around, what it was like to take care of him and I feel a small tinge of happiness. But the boy jumps on me and knocks me to the ground and I drop my knife. I put my hands on his face and try and push him off but then I grab the back of his head and the side of his jaw and with one quick movement, I snap his neck. The softness in his eyes turns hard and dull and I immediately regret it. But I know I have to keep fighting. I stand and grab my knife as a man runs to the boy I just killed.

"No," he cries out and that sound breaks my heart. I did that. I caused that pain.

"What have you done," he screams at me. He places his forehead on the boys. "My son," he sobs.

I stare, tears in my eyes. "I'm so sorry," I say quietly and breathlessly.

The rest of them run into the forest except for the woman who was driving, the man with his son and two other men. The man with his son stands, tears streaming down his face and a rage in his eyes that even the darkness would be afraid of.

"You killed my son," he yells.

I back away. "I didn't want to hurt anyone," I say.

He charges at me and I don't stop him this time. He knocks me to the ground and begins kicking at me with all the force he has. He kicks and kicks and kicks. I roll myself into a ball and try to protect myself. He kicks my head and I sprawl open as he kicks me in the stomach. Then it stops and I open my eyes. I see the woman who was driving pulling him off of me. I cough out blood and lay there, not being able to even move, not even wanting to move. She whispers something to him and then leans down to me. She places her lips beside my ear.

"You owe us big time," she whispers. Then I hear the van drive away as I'm left stranded in the dirt.

oOo

It takes me a half hour to stand up on my own two feet. My face drenched in blood along with my arms and legs, completely torn up from the fall. Why did she let me go? I killed her people, I put her life at risk. Yet she still saved me. Maybe not all monsters do monstrous things. Maybe there's still some good in the world. There is still mercy. She saved me not because of who I was, but because of her mercy. And it shook me to the core to realize that these acts of humanity that came quickly and distant could possibly be the only good left.

I begin to walk and I see a jeep way off in the distance coming towards me. I hold my arm as I limp trying to get to them as quickly as I can because who knows what's lurking in these woods. The jeep stops in front of me and Dean runs out and I just fall into his arms, completely giving up on any bit of strength I have left. He picks me up and carries me into the jeep and I pass out.

I wake up when I get back to camp. Everyone stands outside, three body bags lay side by side. That's my fault. They were here for me. They killed innocent people for me. I don't know how I'm going to house the sin I have. The body count is adding up and the blood is on my hands.

I limp into my cabin as Dean follows behind me, gently placing a hand on my hip occasionally to stop me from falling over. I sit down and he turns the hot water on to fill the tub. Once he's finished, he walks out and I watch him carefully.

"You dislocated your shoulder," Dean says. I frown as I hold my arm. He puts two hands on it and it already hurts.

"It's only going to hurt for a minute," he says.

He snaps it back into place and I squint my eyes in pain. I cuss under my breath.

"What happened out there, Blake?"

I look down. "I jumped out," I say.

"Jumped out of what," he asks a little harshly.

"The van. It was going too fast but I jumped anyways. That's where most of these cuts and bruises are from.."

"And the rest of them?"

I stare into his green eyes that show how worried he is. He's acting like its nothing, but I know he's terrified. Terrified of losing me.

"I killed them, Dean. I killed a boy! I had to watch his father fall apart right in front of me. They weren't going to hurt me. They were just trying to stay alive. They were going to take me to lucifer."

Dean doesn't look away, he holds his gaze intensely. "How'd you get away," he asks.

"They let me go," I say simply.

I stand in pain and hobble to the bathroom. I close the door and tie my hair up as I undress. I step into the water and it stings my cuts. I slowly place my aching body into the tub and I sit down. I grab the soap and a cloth and I wipe all the blood and dirt off. Within minutes, the water is a dark brown. I check all my cuts. I count 26 in total but only about six will need stitches. I step out and drain the tub. I wrap my towel around me and walk out, Dean glancing at me quickly before he goes back to cleaning his gun. I walk to my room and put on clothes and then I walk out. I sit at the table and Dean comes and sits with me. He begins to clean my cuts silently and I watch him. My stare stops his focus. With everything that I feel and saw today, I really thought about how quickly everything could be taken away from me. I hadn't thought about it until Dean told me he loved me. And it made me realize that I need him. I need him more than anything right now.

"I love you too, you know that right," I say quietly. He stops and stares at me. "I left because I love you," I add.

I see hope gleam in his eyes. "Blake, I know what you're going to say. You're going to say that you're not worth the risk. But you're worth every risk I could ever take. You're worth it to me. And I would take all the pain in the world just to be with you. God, I can't take one more sleepless night knowing I let you go," he says.

I smile a little. I kiss him softly and he leans into it. I move back.

"You don't have to," I reply.

He smiles and I swear that his smile could stop a war. His kiss comes back stronger this time and it causes me to move. I wince in pain and he stops.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"It's not your fault."

He begins to clean my cuts again as he tapes one on my forehead. He begins stitching me up as well. I want to kiss him again but it hurts to even breathe so I guess it'll have to wait.

oOo

"We're leaving to kill down the Croats again in the morning," Dean says to me, glancing over from the hot tea he's making as I lay in his bed.

His sheets are so much nicer and softer than mine. And his pillows are plush unlike mine which seem to be made of rock some nights. I could lay here forever. I almost fall asleep but then he talks and i wake up.

"You tired," he asks with a smile, bringing me tea.

I pull myself up to a sitting position which hurts more than I thought it would. I take a sharp breath and hold my bandaged side.

"I should get going," I say.

He frowns. "Just stay the night," he says.

"I'm just going to keep you awake, I can't even move without wincing," I say.

"Then you can just sleep on the floor across the room so I don't hear you," he says, adding a smile to the end. I roll my eyes with a grin.

"Your bed is very comfortable," I say, easily convincing myself.

"And it's such a long walk," he adds, nodding his head.

I lay back down slowly. "I guess I can stay," I say. He smiles and kisses my cheek.

In the morning, I wake up before Dean when I lean too much to one side and I get a sharp pain in my hip. I gasp in pain and look over at Dean, making sure I didn't wake him. He's still lying there completely asleep. I slowly lean my head back down on my pillow and keep my eyes on him. This feels right. It feels like I finally did something right. Maybe I can be saved, but in the end, it'll be me who saves me.

Dean rolls towards me and takes a deep breath as he opens his eyes slowly. I quickly close my eyes so that it doesn't look like I was stalking him this entire time.

"Staring is creepy," he says. I smile and open my eyes.

"I thought it was pretty romantic," I say.

He grins and looks over at me quickly and then closes his eyes again. I pull myself to a sitting position as I wince in pain. Everything aches.

"You alright," he asks, concerned.

"Just sore," I say back.

He grabs the back or my shirt and lightly pulls me down. "Where does it hurt," he asks, getting on top of me.

"My shoulder," I begin with.

He pulls my shirt over my shoulder and kisses along my collarbone all the way to my shoulder.

"And my ribs," I whine.

He moves down, pulling my shirt over my head. He kisses a trail down my stomach as I wrap my legs around him.

"My hips," I whisper in pleasure.

He kisses each side and then moves to the middle, pulling my underwear off.

"How about your clit," he asks.

"That's where it hurts the most," I say.

He trails his tongue down my body and right in between my legs. He circles his tongue over my clit as I moan in pleasure. I rest my legs on his back as his tongue digs deeper. I grab his hair and gasp every time he hits my spot. His tongue presses harder, making my legs shake as he moves two fingers into my opening. I lean my head back and arch my back even though it causes me pain. His fingers massage my g-spot and I quiver.

"Oh Dean," I moan.

I can feel him smile as he continues. His lips brush against me as his tongue glides sharply but smoothly. I squint my eyes and let out a cry as both orgasms hit me at once. My walls tighten around his fingers as he thrusts them in one last time. I hold his hair as we both breathe heavily and my legs release him.

"I would give you the full package, but I don't want to hurt you," he says, kissing my neck.

"It's worth it," I huff out.

He smiles and rips off his boxers and slowly moves his dick into me. It hurts for my body to be moving this much but I can't bring myself to care. He moves in and out faster every time. He squints his eyes and groans.

"God, you're tight," he moans.

I let out a moan every time he moves into me, hitting my g-spot. I dig my nails into his shoulders and I let out a yell of pleasure and pain. My orgasm bolts through my body as my walls tighten around his throbbing cock. He moans and falls to the side, laying beside me. We each breathe heavily, tangled in the sheets.

"God, that was good," Dean huffs out. I glance over at him and smile as I close my eyes.

"If I could, I would stay in this bed forever, but I've gotta go," he says getting up and putting his boxers on.

He stares back down at me and then grins again as he jumps back onto the bed, totally disregarding what he just said. He kisses my necks as he tickles me and I laugh as I try to push him off. I ignore the pain as he leaves a hickey on the side of my neck.

He laughs. "Okay, I actually have to go," he says, getting up for the second time. He puts on his clothes as I burry myself in his sheets as I watch him pack his duffle bag. He comes over and kisses my cheek.

"See you later," he smiles. Then he's out of the door and I'm left alone.

oOo

I stand at the shooting range just outside of camp. The trees are orange and red and the smell of the dewy fall leaves rests in the air. Fall was always my favourite season. I loved thanks giving because all of my cousins and grandparents and aunts and uncles would all come together. The first thanksgiving after my dad left and my mom died, I tried to cook a turkey for mike. I ended up burning it to a crisp so he ordered a pizza and Chinese food. Halloween was always my favourite. I used to love a good scare. Not so much anymore, now that I know what fear is.

I slowly raise my arm to aim the gun but my shoulder is still too sore. I huff and drop my arm, staring at the target. Just then, I hear a noise, like wings. I turn around quickly and see a familiar face. It's the man who saved a while back when I was about to be made into a meal in the old building in Kansas. He stared at me, and I stared back. He was still tall and strong. Just like I imagined. I stay completely still, not wanting to move because of my uncertainty of what was coming next.

"Hi," he says.

I step back just slightly, he could be a monster here to take me to Lucifer for all I know.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not going to hurt you. My name is Zadkiel."

I stare at him, completely shocked, not sure of what to do, whether I should run or stay.

"You're frightened, I know. Many are looking for you. But I'm not a monster," he says taking a step towards me as I take a bigger step back.

"No?" My voice doesn't sound sure and I make that clear.

He scoffs and hangs his head for a moment. "I'm an angel," he says.

I hold onto my gun tightly, my legs ready to run if I have to.

"Prove it," I say.

Within the blink of an eye, he's standing right in front of me. He places two fingers on my head again and all of the sudden, the pain is gone. I step back and his mouth holds a position right before a smile. I touch my shoulder where my bullet hole was, there's no stitches, no pain, nothing. I lift up my shirt and rip off the bandage on my hip. There's no bruising or scratches. I look back up at him.

"How the hell did you do that," I ask.

"I'm an angel," he repeats.

I drop my shirt and stand taller, lifting my chin trying to intimidate him. "Why are you here," I ask coldly.

"Remember your trip to the carolinas? Famine has something hiding there. Now that he's dead, death has began to protect it."

"What is it," I ask.

He nods his head and smirks. "And that's why I'm here. I need your help."

I shake my head, confused. "What the hell am I going to be able to do for you? You're the Angel, fix it yourself."

He rolls his eyes. "If I could, I would. But it's angel proofed. Hence the reason I need _your_ help."

I cross my arms. "I've got enough to deal with already," I spit back.

"I saved your life," he says.

I take a deep breath. "Why me," I question.

He looks around. "Who else? I need someone strong," he says, sizing me up.

"There's plenty of those around here," I declare.

He nods. "But you're different. You're strong inside and out. You're smart, and you seem to know mercy."

"I know mercy? I killed a boy yesterday. I killed my father."

"Who we are and who we have to be to survive are two very different people."

I shake my head and look down.

"If whatever the horsemen have hiding gets into the wrong hands, the little you have left will be wiped into an oblivion. Is that what you want?"

I bite down on my lip. He saved my life and I'll be forever in his dept for that. If it could save my people and more, who would I be to reject it?

oOo

 ** _Okay so new character Zadkiel... He's an angel and once Dean finds out we get to see a bit of his jealous side come out:) hope you liked this chapter! Please comment and fav/follow me and my story! I'm now on wattpad as well under the same username.. Thanks!_**


	14. Chapter 14: Children of the Damned

oOo

Zadkiel stares at the demon who is tied down to a chair under a Devils trap. The three of us are in some abandoned warehouse in God knows where. All I can think about is dean. He's probably worried sick.

"What do you know," Zadkeil asks the demon, pacing circles around him.

I feel terrible going behind deans back, but I don't want him to get hurt, and he already has enough to deal with. The demon smiles as his eyes watch zadkiel as if he's his prey.

"Satan has a message for you," he says, dragging his eyes off the angel and giving me his full attention.

I raise my eyebrow and cross my arms. "Oh yeah? And what would that be," I ask.

He smiles. "Until he gets you, he's going to ruin your life. First he will come for the children," the demon says giddily.

I shift my weight, uneasy as I scowl.

"Then he will come for your friends," the demon continues, a wide smile sprawled across his face. "And then he will take the one you love," he finishes, laughing hysterically.

Zadkiel glances at me, waiting for a reaction.

"We'll see about that," I snarl back.

Zadkiel douses him in holy water as he screams, his skin burning violently. "What weapon do the horsemen have," he yells.

The demon chuckles. "Your mothers virginity," the demon snarls back, his eyes like daggers, staring right at Zadkiel.

Zadkiel remains cool but with a look of strength and superiority in his eyes. He places a hand on the back of the demons head. The demons face begins to turn red as he begins to couch up blood. He gags, trying for air as his hands clench tightly on the chair, leaving his knuckles white.

"Okay, fine," the demon croaks.

Zadkiel takes his hands off the demon as the demon catches his breath.

"The Prince of Hell. Summon him, there's no luck you'll make it out alive, but he can tell you what you're looking for, hidden objects are his specialty after all."

Zadkiel glances at me. The angel places his hand on the demon as the demons eyes light up and his body falls limp. We both stare silently. I bite my thumb and cross my arms. People are going to start dying because of me.

"I should get back," I say.

He nods and walks over to me, placing two fingers on my head and in an instant I'm back at the shooting range at camp, alone again.

oOo

I walk through the door to my cabin to see Dean searching frantically.

"What the hell are you doing," I ask.

He jumps. He stares at me with anger and fear in his eyes.

"Where the hell have you been," he asks loudly.

I frown. "I went for a walk," I say.

His eyebrows furrow as he crosses his arms. I straighten up, afraid he's going to see straight through my lie.

"We should clean your cuts," he says a little too suspiciously.

I can't show him my cuts if they're not there.

"They're fine, Dean," I say.

He tilts his head and slowly walks towards me.

"Then show me," he says.

I begin to walk backwards slowly. If I tell him, it's just going to make him more worried about me than he already is. He follows me backwards until I hit a wall and now I have nowhere else to go. He comes close, his eyes staring straight into mine. His facial expression is cold and dry. I press my back to the wall, my breaths hitching. He lifts my shirt up, exposing my completely heeled hip. He stares down at it and let's my shirt down. I just watch his face in silence. He pulls the shirt over my shoulder only to find that that too is back to normal. He stops and stares back at me in confusion.

"That was a quick recovery," he says.

I put my head down. "Dean," I say in an attempt to apologize. I know I have to explain myself. "It was an angel," I whisper.

Dean frowns. "So you're telling me an angel just decided to come pay you a visit to heal a few cuts while there are people dying everywhere," he asks.

I bite my lip. "He wanted my help," I say looking up at Dean.

He's so close. Warmth radiates off his body and protects me from the cold October air.

"Help with what," he asks, tilting his head.

"Finding out what death is protecting."

His eyes drift to my lips but he quickly looks away. "And you didn't think that might be something I should know about?"

I clench my jaw. "It's not your problem, it's mine," I say, pushing past him as I give him a dry glance.

His body turns with mine. "Hey, if it's your problem, it's my problem too. We're in this together," he snaps.

I've never had someone stand by me. It feels different, it feels warm and friendly to finally have someone standing by me. I've been doing everything on my own for so long that it feels so foreign to me now. It's like a warm hug. The question is, how long will it last?

I smile a little and he holds his hands out at his sides. I just walk up to him and kiss him. His lips sink into mine as he slowly rests his hands on my hips. I run my fingers through his hair and I finally feel at home. Home was never a place for me, it was a person, the way he said my name, the way he kissed me, the way he looked in the morning, the way he smiled, that was home. He is my home. I let go of the kiss and smile.

"What was that for," he asks.

I can feel the sharp pit in my stomach. "I needed to soften you up for what I'm about to tell you," I say.

He raises an eyebrow.

"The angel and I summoned a demon," I say.

He frowns. "You what?! Blake you could have gotten yourself killed," he yells.

"But I didn't and it worked. We got a lead."

"And if it didn't work?"

"It would've been my problem and I would have dealt with it," I say.

He shakes his head. "That's not exactly how I see it," he says.

His hands are still on my hips, my fingers still running through his hair.

"There was something else too," I say looking down.

His head follows mine. "What," he asks.

"Lucifer had a message for me. He said that until I gave myself to him, he would start killing innocent people. He said first he would kill the children, then my friends, and then he would take the man I love," I say.

He sighs. "Well that's poetic," he says.

I hang my head. If he doesn't know already what this means then he definitely will now.

"Dean, if people start dying because of me-"

"They're not going to. I'll find a way," he says, cutting me off.

"I know, Dean. But if you don't... I'm leaving. I'm not going to put people's lives in danger."

He looks down at me. "No. No way. Where would you even go?"

I shrug. "I'd go to my family's cabin. I'm not letting anyone die because of me anymore."

He stares down at me. "Fine, then I'll come with you," he says casually.

I shake my head. "Dean, you know you can't. They need you here."

Just then, Cas bursts into my cabin. "Dean! All the children, they're possessed or compelled or something! They're running out of the camp," Cas yells.

It's already starting.

Mothers and fathers run over the fence, chasing their children. I look out into the forest and see a man. He is wearing a black tuxedo, with grey hair slicked back. I pull out my gun and without hesitation I begin to shoot. I hit him with every single bullet I have but he just stands and smiles. He must be a demon. The children run to him and I begin to run as well. I look around, trees flashing by me as I pull out a knife. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do yet but I know I have to do something. I have to stop this. A few children reach him. The first is a young girl. She has long black hair tied up in a black bow. Her face is expressionless and I begin to run faster. My legs ache and my lungs burn but the adrenaline pushes me forward. He pulls out a long knife and keeps his eyes locked on mine. With one quick movement, he slits the girls throat.

"No," I scream.

I'm close to him and with only a few feet left in between us I jump, pushing him to the ground. I stab him in the heart but he just laughs. With the flick of his finger, I'm thrown to the side and pinned up against a tree. I scream in pain as my body hits the sharp bark.

"Did you really think that would work, sweetheart," he asks with a poisonous smile.

At least twenty children stand behind him. I look over at camp. The mission team is blocking people from leaving.

"I am much more powerful than you. When lucifer told me his checklist I was delighted. After all, I am Mulloch, the demon of child sacrifice."

I breath heavily and look around. Men and woman draw there guns and shoot at the demon. The demon redirects a bullet, hitting an older boy, about 17, right in the head. I hear a scream. The same scream the werewolf did when I killed his son. The same scream I had when I shot my brother. I cringe as the body hits the ground.

"This ones for you," the demon says as he turns around, placing a finger on a young girls forehead as she takes her last breath, falling onto her knees and ultimately hitting the ground.

A man comes running at the demon and with one swift twist of the demons wrist, the mans neck snaps as he falls to the ground.

"Stop," I scream.

He tilts his head and smiles at me. "Is the blood on your hands becoming too much to bare," he asks.

"I'll let you take me to him," I snarl.

He nods. "That was fairly easy," he laughs.

"I've barely even gotten start-" he's cut off by a bullet to the head.

His body lights up in orange light as he falls to the ground. I feel my body begin to tumble down. I was up at least ten feet and pain strikes through me when I hit the ground. Dean comes out of the clearing with the colt in his hand. The children begin to look around, confused as to where they are. A little girl begins to cry and I walk over to her.

"Hey it's okay," I whisper, secretly trying to comfort myself as well as her.

I wipe a tear from her face and tuck her little blonde curls behind her ear. All of the sudden, a pair of hands push my over. I look up as a mother grabs the little girl.

"Don't touch my daughter, you're poison," she hisses, cradling the crying girl in her arms.

I can't even say anything because I know she's right. I'm poison in its worst form.

I'm like a disease, a deadly plague, infecting everyone around me. Dean comes over and glances at the woman who's staring knifes into every insecurity I have.

"Hey, she's human. She just had to witness that, same as you. Cut her some slack."

The woman glances at Dean and then walks away.

"Are you okay," he asks, holding his hand out to help me up.

I stare at it but I don't take it, I lift myself up and walk past him. I wanted to take that hand so badly but I need to let go. I need to make it hurt less. I have to let go of him, abandon my home again and leave the camp. I'm losing this fight. The body count is piling up and it's on me.

oOo

I pack my bag with everything I can find. I shove in cans of food and bullets and I hear a knock on the door. It has to be Dean. No one else wants to see me. I don't answer because I know that if I do, he'll stop me from leaving. He knocks again. I stop packing and look over at my pillow. He knocks again. I run my fingers through my hair and keep packing. Then he opens the door. I look over at him as he slowly walks in.

"I locked that door for a reason," I say.

"And I brought a pin for a reason," he says back. "What're you doing," he asks, walking over and looking at my packed bag.

"What does it look like I'm doing," I mumble.

He starts taking things out. "No, you're not leaving," he says, throwing things out of my bag as I pack them back in.

He rips them back out and I ignore it. I'm about to place another shirt in as he grabs my hips and pushes me against the wall.

"You're not leaving, dammit," he yells, staring into my eyes desperately. He breathes heavily. "You can't leave me," he says, more sadness in voice with every word. "Stay, please. Just stay," he says searching my face.

"You know I can't," I whisper as a tear falls from my face.

He kisses it as it trails down my face. "I can't lose you," he whispers.

I close my eyes. I can feel my heart breaking into a million pieces as he rests his forehead on mine.

"We can't be selfish. Peoples lives are in danger."

"You really think he's going to leave us alone if you leave? He has no mercy, he's coming for me too, Blake. He's not going to stop," Dean says, cupping my face. "Stay. We can figure this out together. Your problem, my problem, right?"

I look up at him and sniffle as I nod. Leaving will take the heat off the camp and everyone in it. He's just sad, but he'll get over it. He has to, because I can't stay and risk more lives. He pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me tightly. I bury my face in his neck as he kisses the side of my head. I'll leave tomorrow night and I won't turn back.

oOo

 ** _sorry it's been so long since I've updated! I've been super busy lately but now that I'm on break I have time to update. Have a great Christmas everyone!:) write a review and fav/follow!_**


	15. Chapter 15: Don't Go

oOo

I smile and brace my knees and hold my hands up for protection, tempting him to come at me. He smiles flinching towards me, trying to catch me off guard.

"You gonna make a move or what, Winchester," I say smugly.

He smiles and nods his head to the side. I jump towards him, throwing a punch but he pushes my arms away, throwing me away as I deflect a hit from him. I hit him in the gut, throwing him backwards. I throw another punch but he ducks a lightly pushes my head to the side.

"Is that all you've got, Hudson?" I smile.

I kick at his stomach but he jumps back quickly, punching me in shoulder hard enough that it hurts but not only for a second, he's not trying to seriously hurt me. I hold my arms up to protect myself as I move a knee up hitting him in the stomach as he groans but grabs my one shoulder, whipping me to the ground as he gets on top of me and pins me down. I laugh as he does too. He stares down at me, holding my hands above my head.

"That was too easy," he laughs.

"Oh please, I let you win," I tease.

He moves closer to my lips. "Oh really," he asks, leaning in closer.

I can feel his grip loosen and right before he kisses me, I knock him over, pushing myself on top of him.

"Hey," he yells.

"Who's the winner now," I ask smugly.

"I'm not considering this a loss," he smiles.

He sits up, kissing me quickly as I straddle in his lap. I put my hands on the back of his head, running my fingers through his hair. His hands rest on my hips and he clenches the hem of my shirt. I want him to pull it off but he hesitates. This isn't exactly the best place for this.

"Let's go back to the cabin," I whisper.

He smiles and kisses me again. I stand and he follows behind. He puts his hands on my hips and tickles me. I scream and laugh and run off, escaping his grasp. He chases after me and I laugh.

"Dean, don't," I scream, laughing so hard my run slows and he catches up. He scoops me up, throwing me over his shoulder. He spins around and I scream cheerfully. I grip onto his shirt so hard I think I might rip it soon. He finally slows down and puts me down as I giggle, feeling dizzy. He laughs and kisses my cheek, putting an arm around my shoulder as we walk back to camp.

We race into the cabin, laughing and kissing clumsily. He pulls his jacket off and follows me as I walk backwards. His lips collide with mine as he grabs my thighs, lifting me up with one swift movement. He lays me down on his bed and gets on top of me.

"Am I going to have to pin you down again," he jokes.

"Only if you want," I tease, pulling his shirt over his head.

He laughs, coming back down to kiss me. All of the sudden, I hear the familiar sound of wings fluttering. Dean jumps up, whipping around, grabbing his gun and stepping in front of me to protect me. Zadkiel stands like stone and I roll my eyes.

"Dean, it's okay, he's the angel I told you about," I say, grabbing his arm as he lowers his gun and I hand him his shirt, slightly embarrassed of Zadkiels timing. Dean glances at me, confused and a little upset. Zadkiel stands awkwardly.

"Sorry to, uh," he clears his throat. "To interrupt, but I need Blake for a little bit," he announces, glancing over at me. Dean still stands protectively in front of me.

"Fine, I'm coming too," Dean declares.

I raise an eyebrow as Zadkiel shifts his weight uneasily.

"I was told you had to have nothing to do with this, I-I-I'm not... Blake," he says, looking at me for support.

I was hoping I could tell Zadkiel I was leaving tonight so that he would know where I was if he needed to find me.

"Dean, I don't think you should come. You have more important things to deal with than this. I can take care of this," I say standing up and facing him.

He crosses his arms and nods suspiciously. "I don't trust this guy, I'm coming with you," Dean says, glancing over his shoulder and eyeing up Zadkiel. I give Dean a dry look and push past him.

"Fine, you can come, but don't do anything stupid," I mumble. He smiles cheerfully and follows behind me.

oOo

Zadkiel throws a flame into the pentagram and in seconds, a man appears, stuck under the Devils trap. He looks down at it and smiles, looking back up at us.

"Zad," he says cheerfully. "It's been a while, old friend."

Zadkiel stands tall. "We need your help," he says.

The demon gives him a small chuckle and puts his hands on his hips, looking around, amused by this entire situation. "And what do you need my help for, Zad?"

"What is Death hiding in North Carolina?"

He smiles and shifts his eyes to me. Dean clenches his jaw and stands straight. "You know, as well as being able to find hidden object, I'm also very good at finding the truth inside people." He narrows his eyes on mine and I am ready for him to expose every secret I have. "Safe trails, Blake Hudson," he says quickly and quietly.

Dean and Zadkiel glance at me, confused. I stand uneasily. My eyes shift around the room but the demon saves my silence.

"Now, where were we?... Ah yes, what the horsemen have hiding in the Carolina's. Well I have to ask; what's in it for me?"

"Your life," Dean snaps back.

The demon perks his bottom lip up and nods his head to the side. "Look, I don't want to cause any trouble here. I mean, if it weren't for this Devils trap I would rip your hearts out of your chests but seeing as those aren't the circumstances, I'll play by your rules... They have our father who art not in heaven," he says with a smile.

Zadkiel frowns and glances at me. Dean stares at the demon, confused.

"You mean to tell us that they've got God locked up in their basement," I ask. He doesn't answer, just smiles and nods. I look over at Zadkiel, who's heart looks like it just broke into a million little pieces.

"Where's death," Dean asks.

"I said I could find hidden objects not invisible reapers," the demon says, giving Dean a dry look.

"Oh bull shit," Dean snaps back.

"He's done what we've asked, let it go, Dean," Zadkiel says calmly.

Dean turns his head and stares at Zadkiel with the biggest bitch face I've ever seen on Dean.

"I've heard everything I need to hear, I'll take you back to camp and then I'll let him go to insure your safety," he says, glancing at me.

Dean frowns at the two of us. "You're just gonna let him go," Dean snarls at Zadkiel.

He nods. "I keep my word. He gave us the information."

Dean starts moving too quickly towards the angel but I step in front of him. I can feel him, tense under his clothes.

"Hey, let's get out of here," I say soothingly. I can feel him relax a little under my touch. He stares daggers into Zadkiel but his eyes soften when he looks down at me. I'm going to miss those eyes. The bright green that has grown to be my favourite. I'd remember those eyes even if I forgot my own name.

When I get back to camp, I go straight to my cabin. Dean will be unpacking while I will be doing the opposite. And then I'll be gone. Everything will go back to normal and people will stop dying. If I can save my friends, the casualties, and the man I love, it's worth it all. All the pain I'm going to feel will be worth it because they will live. Just then, a knock on the door rings through my cabin. I open the door slowly but I only open it a little bit, making sure I don't let anyone in. I see Castiel staring back at me.

"Hey," I say quietly.

He smiles a little. "Hey."

We sit at my table and he stares at my packed bag.

"Don't go, Blake. No one blames you. You can't save them all."

I bite the inside of my cheek. "I can't have anymore blood on my hands. I'm not doing anyone any favours by being here."

He shakes his head. "What about Adeline, what about me? Not to mention Dean! The poor guy has been abandoned all his life. You're the only good thing he's got going for him right now. You'll break his heart, and let me tell you, no one breaks deans heart... People love you here. Please just stay. Please. This'll all blow over."

I try and smile reassuringly it falls short. "Cas, look around! People are dying because of me! I don't even know where to house all the guilt I feel. The body count is becoming too much. And I'm not gonna stand here and watch every single person I care about die because I didn't keep walking."

He stares at me with sad eyes and I look away. "You don't think we haven't had to deal with this before? First everyone was after me and then they were after Dean. I mean yeah, people died. People die every day no matter what, Blake. You leave or you don't, they're not gonna stop trying to kill us. They've been doing it for a while. So go ahead, leave. But just know that you're making a mistake." And with that he stands and leaves me alone to my own thoughts.

If I leave, I'm alone. There's going to be no one but me. If I leave, they might find me and bring me to Lucifer. I don't have anything more than a small knife and a hand gun and I know that's not going to get me anywhere if I come across something greater than human. I don't know why my instinct is always to run. I guess that's just what I've been doing for so long that I've begun to only look out for myself. Sure, I want to save the lives of everyone here but I want to save myself. I've been scared a lot in my life. I learned what fear was at such a young age that it messed me up, but it made me strong. I've been scared of the dark, I've been scared that my dad wasn't going to come home, I've been scared that my mother was going to drown in self pity and vodka tears, I've been scared that I wouldn't be enough for Mike, but now, I'm scared for myself. Nothing terrifies me more than knowing that there a little spot with the devil just for me. And that's why I run. I get scared so I run.

Sometimes I stop running and take a breath and ruin some lives but then I keep running because it's all I can do. And I guess that makes me a coward but I've always been looking out for myself. And I always will look out for myself but there comes a point when saving yourself sacrifices so many others and I'm not sure I want to be the reason a little girl has to fend for herself because mom and dad are out of the picture now. Maybe it's time to fight. It's time that I stood my ground and fought for what was right.

As I unpack my clothes, I hear a knock. I walk over and open the door to see Dean standing there, hands in his pockets and a slight grin hanging off his mouth.

"Hey, they're playing crazy eights or something down at Jack's. And someone got Adeline to come play so who knows how this is going to end," he says, raising his eyebrows. "Wanna come?"

I smile. "Sure," I say.

He smiles and slowly leans in. His lips just brush on mine as he looks down into my eyes. "I love you," he whispers over my lips. Sometimes he can be so harsh, he acts like nothing hurts him. And then other times his guard is down and I can see everything he hides from everyone else. His sad eyes and happy eyes or his look of deep thought and his look of living in the moment. And I love them all.

"I love you too," I whisper back, smiling dazedly. He kisses my lips softly and sweetly as I tug on his jacket, pulling him closer. He smiles over my kiss and then breaks the kiss up.

"Come on, let's go," he says with a smile.

"Blake," Adeline squeals as the smell of alcohol looms from her breath. "We're playing never have I ever, come play with me!" Her cheeks are rosy with joy and I grab Dean and pull him with me towards a table consisting of Chuck, Castiel, two women I don't know the names of and Jack. They smile and greet us with a smile and a full shot. "Come play," Cas yells. I think he's been playing this for a while. Dean and I sit down.

"Okay, never have I ever smoked a joint with a complete stranger," Castiel says.

I laugh and look around, waiting for everyone to reveal themselves. I burst out laughing when Adeline takes a shot.

"What," Cas yells in confusion with a big goofy smile across his face. "You are like the straightest arrow, what the hell, Ade?!"

She giggles, throwing her head back as someone fills her shot glass back up.

"Never have I ever done it in a car," one of the women says. I shoot back a shot of tequila, thinking back to prom night. Dean takes a shot as well.

"We'll try it sometime," he whispers in my ear. I laugh and push him away. He smiles, his eyes examining me and I see nothing but love.

"Never have I ever been arrested," Chuck says. I watch as everyone except for Adeline and me take a shot.

"Wait, what have you guys been arrested for," I ask.

"Breaking and entering, murder a few times, probably some other stuff I don't remember," Cas says.

"Drugs," one of the women says. "Same here," the other one adds.

"I was arrested at one of the protests in the city," Chuck says.

"Well, moonshine ain't legal, that's for sure," Jack says with a smile.

"Ya well thank god. I'm pretty sure you could kill someone with that stuff," Dean laughs.

I look at Dean, waiting for his story. "Breaking and entering, kidnapping, mass murder, robbery, identity theft and some other stupid stuff," he says.

"Wow my very own convict," I say.

"I didn't actually do all of it. Well to be honest I did most of it except for mass murder... Unless you consider monsters a murder... Or demons... Ya I guess I kinda have done it all."

The night goes on and Dean and I down a few more shots before deciding to head out. Adeline didn't last very long so I took her back to her cabin while she proceeded to tell me how much of a good friend I was and how much she loved me. I think she proposed at one point as well.

Dean and I stumble out of the bar into the cold mid October air.

"Wanna crash at my place tonight," he asks. I nod and smile. He takes my hips and pulls me into him lightly. Then he slowly kisses me and world seems to slow down for a minute. All of the hate and sadness just disappears like his lips are a cure to evil.

I jump onto his bed and bury my face in his covers, taking in his smell. He lays down beside me and faces me. It's fun seeing him drunk and carefree but after a while it's taken over by a hidden sadness that sometimes I think only I can see. Even in the darkness of his room, I can still see the pain in those deep green eyes and I know where it comes from because it comes from the same place mine does. Family.

"Can I ask you something," I whisper.

"Anything," he says back.

"Do you ever miss Sam?" There's a long silence and I begin to wish I didn't ask.

"Every day," he whispers. "I think everyone misses him a little... You would have liked him," he says with a small smile.

"What was he like," I continue.

"He was a good guy. He was always a really good guy. He was selfless, the most selfless person I'd ever known. I guess you could say he was the good brother. He always saved as many people as he could even if it tore him apart. He went through hell so that someone else wouldn't have to. He saved my ass more times than I can count," he says with a smile. "He had his problems, I mean, he had a darkness in him, no doubt, but he had a hell of a lot of good in him too. He was a really good guy. He doesn't deserve this. I should have never left him... Maybe things wouldn't be the way they are now, you know?"

I nod quietly. "But I mean, I found you so that makes things a whole lot better," he says with a cheeky smile.

"Do you think we would know each other," I ask.

"You mean if there was no apocalypse?"

"Yeah, do you think you'd know me?"

He smiles a little, glancing down. "I think the universe fights for souls to be together. And honestly, I don't think I can imagine a world without you, Blake Hudson. It'd be too sad."

I hold my hand up and he puts his against mine. His fingers are longer than mine and his hands are much stronger. I intertwine my fingers with his and I close my eyes. I could stay in this moment forever. Away from the world, away from our problems. His hand touching mine, it gives me strength.

"I think I'd find you wherever you are. I think something would pull me towards you because I don't think I've ever been so deeply in love with anyone before as I am with you."

"Well, it's hard not to be," I smirk.

He laughs and kisses me in the dark. "That's very true," he adds.

I smile and close my eyes, the tequila begging me to sleep. Deans arms wrap around me and I drift off.


End file.
